My Hopeless Hope - A One Direction FANFICTION

Three years after her family tragedy, Jamie battles more than her own guilt. With no one to fall on but her abusive boyfriend, her problems get worse. After she escapes, will she find someone to protect her? Or will her boyfriend find a way to snake her way back into her life? (Based off of One Direction) WARNING: Contains self harm, eating disorder, language, and cases of rape.


13. Smoke

Harry POV

We rushed her to the house as fast as we could, ringing Ed on the way. Niall held onto her, his head in the crook of her neck for most of the ride. I continued to push stray pieces of hair off of her bruised and clammy forehead. I became nervous and fidgety, thinking that this ride seemed to take much longer than normal. My energy was fuelled by anger. Every time I looked at her face, or even at how broken Niall was next to her, heat flowed through me. How could anyone treat her like that?

As Niall carried her to the house, Ed had already flown in beside her, holding her wrist and feeling her forehead. We took her up to Niall's bed were she laid crumpled and pale. Ed finally stood up with a sigh. "Fortunately, nothing's broken." Niall ducked his head into his hoodie, obviously crying with relief. Louis wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close, padding his back with comfort. The rest of us looked at each other, relieved.

"But, her rib is fractured and is heavily leaning on her lung. I'll wrap her, which she'll need to leave on for a few weeks. Fluids, as well, seeing as her nourishment isn't up to par." He looked accusingly at us.

Niall stayed by her side for the past few days. He would talk to her, change her clothes, braid her hair. It was heart wrenching to watch. All the same, it's all the love she finally deserves. I sat on the couch, scrolling through twitter, sighing and shaking my head to the same reoccurring comments and adoration from the fans. Suddenly, a soft whimper pulled me from my thoughts. Niall and I were by her side, he was grasping her hand, shaking it softly. "Jamie?" I asked softly. She didn't stir.

I looked down at a very worried Niall. "I don't even know if she's okay Harry. What else can I do?" I saw mist forming in his eyes. He blinked at them and looked away, ashamed. I put a hand on his shoulder, kneeling down next to him. I opened my mouth when another whimper escaped Jamie's.

"Princess? Please wake up." Niall begged. Her eyes fluttered open. She looked at Niall and then me. I heard Niall giving his relief speech, but I focused on her face. She almost looked, disappointed? Then the pain came, as she registered what Niall had been saying. Her voice was hoarse and broke as she interrupted Niall. "I heard you." She simply said, lightly stroking his cheek. "Really?" I saw a tear escape his eyes. She was slow to brush it away and nodded.

Her eyes suddenly connected with mine, as if reinforcing her point. A swallowed loudly and adverted my gaze to the wall behind her. She heard me.

**I sat next to Jamie as Niall got up, leaving to grab a bite to eat and shower. I patted her leg. "It's just you and me, now." I leaned forward, looking at her still small frame. God, has she gotten skinnier? I sighed, picking up her feet and massaging them, hoping they would warm up. As I picked up her other foot, I squinted, rolling down her sock to reveal several deep gashes. I dropped her foot as if I had been burned.

I looked up at her in disbelief. "You promised!" I pointed at her. "You said you would talk to us next time Jamie. You're letting yourself fall apart!" I huffed angrily. Why does she have to be so difficult? "Do you know how much we worry about you? Any clue on how much we care, how much HE cares?!" I gestured towards the door Niall recently went through. "I even tried to understand! Look. LOOK DAMNIT!"

I was standing beside her now, holding up my sleeve and moving the many bracelets I wear to the side. I showed her unresponsive form the angry red gash that stood out on my pale skin. I recalled how long I sat in my room that night, breathing deeply, waiting minutes, seconds, hours, before I had the courage to press that blade to my skin.

I crumpled beside her, letting stubborn tears show in my eyes. "I thought I would know then, if I did it, how it feels." I shook my head and scoffed. "God, it hurt. It really hurt. And it was only ONE." I played with a piece of her silky hair. "I had never been so scared for my life. I thought 'what if I died now?' But it wouldn't stop, the blood. I ran hectically to Zayn." I laughed at the memory. "You should have seen him. He was pissed, but scared. He punched me for being stupid. Then made me sleep with him that night." I sighed and looked up at her, touching her cheek.

"I really wish you could tell me what to do right now. Niall's a mess, I'm a mess, and a jackass who seemingly wants to die keeps texting you." I held her cold hand, putting her fingers against my much longer ones. "You're family now. And to some of us more than that. We're all kind of lost without you."**

The increased pressure on my hand brought me out into the real world. "Huh?" I asked, scratching my head as I looked at their expectant faces. Niall looked at me as if it were obvious and stated, "I said, can you tell the boys she's up? And maybe ask Ed if he can stop by." I nodded and started to leave, when something pulled me back. I looked down and saw Jamie still had a firm grasp of my hand. I look at her, but she gave no emotion as she let my hand fall back at my side, moving her attention back to Niall.

Jamie POV

It has been almost three weeks of being housebound. Poor Niall has been glued to my side, doing everything for me. It gets to be too much sometimes, like when he refused that I can reach over, grab my cup, and drink from it myself. 'I've got it,' 'Don't' push yourself,' 'You can't heal if you do that.' I have to remind him that I don't have a fatal illness; I'm just a tad sore.

Everyone else seemed to keep some distance from me while I recovered. Maybe they knew I already felt claustrophobic from Niall babying me. But Harry, I rarely saw. He passed a few times, but by the time I saw him, and tried sitting up, he had left. The day he told me he actually hurt himself, just to understand me better, I wanted to hold him, and then punch him like Zayn. More than anything, I wanted him to explain.

I looked out the window at the nice summer day and sighed. Niall followed my gaze and soothed my leg. "Maybe, just for a bit.." He trailed off. I flipped my head towards him, shocked. "Really?" I smiled, grabbing his hand. He laughed at me and shook his head. He lifted me from the couch, and I pouted. "I can walk, Niall." He looked at me, almost debating, before setting me to my feet. I wobbled at first, Niall steadying me a few time while giving me the 'I told you so' look.

I laid down on the grass, letting the warm rays hit my skin. I turned my head and opened one eye to see Niall looking at me. I smiled and entwined my fingers with his. "Thank you." I whispered. There was a comfortable moment of silence, before I felt his fingers in my hair. "I would do it all over again." I looked at him confused and he quickly explained. "Spend all that time with you. You're fascinating Jamie." I turned to my side, still feeling a familiar ache.

My hand floated from his hand to his chest, letting my fingers stray to his lower stomach and back up to his now racing heart. He grabbed my hand and held it from him, gulping loudly. I moved my head from his shoulder to kiss his smooth skin at his jaw. I trailed kisses up to his ear, which I lightly nibbled. He groaned and turned his head, capturing my lips. His kiss was rougher than last time, but still full of passion. His hand held the small of my back, lightly pushing me closer.

I flowed my hands through his silky hair, that almost reflected in the sun. He flipped me, so that he hovered on top of me, putting no weight on me. I wrapped my leg around his waist, trying to pull him down, but he didn't budge. I bit his lip in protest and his moaned formed into a growl. "Stop teasing me." I smirked and bucked my hips up to his. He gave in, and placed some weight against me. But as soon as it started, it was over.

With a final kiss, he flew off of me and stood up, breathing deeply. He looked down at me, almost embarrassed. "We can't, not now. I wouldn't have been able to stop. Sorry." He mumbled while reaching down to help me up, his eyes avoiding mine. I grabbed his hand, but held it there, until his sad eyes found mine. "I love you." I said with a smile, trying to show all the happiness he has given me. His face turned to shock, then bliss, his eyes seemed to mist over.

He pulled me up and twirled me around in the air, earning several giggles from me. He set me down and kissed me. "And I love you." He said in my hair. He put his hand around my waist and walked me back to the house.

The smell hit me like a box of bricks and I nearly doubled over as we went into the smoky kitchen. Niall started running in but I grasped his hand and wildly shook my head, my eyes pleading. He looked back at me confused while he pointed at a shape in the kitchen. "I have to help Louis put it out." He ripped his hand from mine and ran forward while I stood frozen at the entrance.

** I coughed and coughed, not being able to breathe in deeply. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I bounded out of my bed and opened the door. The smoke billowed so thick, I couldn't even see an inch in front of me. I slammed the door shut, thinking quickly of what to do. Sam. With a new determination, I reopened the door, prepared to save him when a noise behind me made me turn around.

I saw a figure climbing in through the window. "Jamie!" I recognized Dan's voice and ran to him, wheezing from the smoke. I pulled him towards the door, "We have to get Sam!" I pleaded, but he shook his head, holding me hands. "It's too late Jamie, that entire side of the house has gone up in flames." I stared at him, wide eyed as I slowly sunk to the ground, gripping my head. I felt Dan pull me up, and carry me out the window to the awaiting sirens. I looked up from his shoulder to see the rest of my house collapse. My house, my family, my life…gone.**

Someone shook me. I noted that I was on the floor, curled up against the wall. "Jamie?" I looked up to see Harry standing over me. His eyes widened when he saw my tear drenched face. "Let's get you outside where you can breathe." He tried lifting me up to walk, but I shook so violently, it was hopeless. He sat me on the ground, sitting next to me. He put a hand on mine, trying to pry it from my face. "It's just a fire, Jamie. Louis can't cook, happens all the time." He laughed but I trembled with anger. "Just a fire?" I screeched.

I could almost feel him nod. "What's wrong?" He asked, lightly shaking my shoulder. "Hey, breathe. Take some deep breaths Jamie." I hadn't noticed that I was hyperventilating between sobbing. I pointed to the house. "Sam." I croaked. He looked between me and the house, trying to put something together. "Sam?" He asked. "And my mom, and dad. And Fluffy." I groaned miserably. "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!" I yelled suddenly at him. He flinched back, before putting a hand on my back while I sobbed miserably.

He stayed silent for a moment, before hesitantly continuing. "There was a fire." He said slowly, then recognition flashed on his face. "You lost your family." I spoke between my fingers. "Myself. I lost myself." I heard him plucking some grass from the ground. "How did you get out?" I threw my head back and laughed while I cried. "Dan! Can you believe it? The one person in this world I want to kill myself over saved my damned life." I threw my hands up in the air. "He told me to sleep in the guest room that night, so he could sneak in." I shook my head, disgusted with myself. "I should have burned with that house." I turned to Harry, angrily pointing at myself. "I shouldn't be here."

"That's why you feel the guilt, right? He saved your life, so you stayed with him." He said, more as a fact. "I had no one else. No one." He shook his head sadly. Something caught his attention, and he looked behind him, to see the rest of the boys standing there. Niall slowly came to sit next to me, tears threatening to fall over his beautiful eyes. I simply wrapped my arms around him, and let myself cry. Finally cry over what I lost, but I felt hope as I knew that my new family sat around me, quietly talking about a new life.

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