My Hopeless Hope - A One Direction FANFICTION

Three years after her family tragedy, Jamie battles more than her own guilt. With no one to fall on but her abusive boyfriend, her problems get worse. After she escapes, will she find someone to protect her? Or will her boyfriend find a way to snake her way back into her life? (Based off of One Direction) WARNING: Contains self harm, eating disorder, language, and cases of rape.


6. Hotdogs

Jamie POV

There was silence. Dead silence before and angry growl came from Louis, causing Liam to charge forward and grab Niall, pulling him from the me. Harry and Zayn were instantly by my side, calming and soothing. Before Liam could pull Niall from my sight, I shouted, "No! You're wrong! Niall didn't hurt me!"

They all stopped and turned to me. Zayn came and put his hands were Niall's were, looking gently at me. "Jay, it's okay to say if he hurt you. We can keep him away from you. We never thought Niall would…" he faded out in his own thoughts.

Furious at his statement and my new 'nickname', I grabbed his hands and pushed him away from me. "How dare you!?" I nearly screeched. "Niall has done nothing but try to help me ever since I've stepped foot in this house! How could you think so little of him?" I rubbed my temples. "He deserves an apology. From all of you." I finally said, looked at each one of them. They all looked at the floor, like ashamed their mother caught them eating a cookie.

After they all mumbled their sorry's, they finally ran to him, embracing him in a tight hug. "I'M SORRY!" "I'M SORRY TOO!" "YOU CAN HAVE MY CARROTS!" They all ended up laughing, and sat on the floor. "It's alright lads." Niall said casually.

"What happened?" Harry asked, staring at me. "Well, she was just talking about..." Niall had started but ended up stopping when Harry bounced up and came over to me, looking in my eyes before looking directly down at my wrist. My sleeves had ridden up after sobbing to Niall, revealing my white gauze that had small spots of red seeping though.

"What happened?" Harry asked again. I didn't know what to say. I never had to explain myself. "Did you try to kill yourself?" He questioned while starting to unwind the gauze. "No, no." I quickly said, laying my hand on top of his. I looked behind Harry to Niall and gave him a pleading look. "Niall?" I asked softly.

I knew Harry cared, but didn't feel comfortable if he saw. But too soon, the gauze fell to the floor and he looked at me like I was insane. I felt disgusting, showing him something he clearly didn't want to see. He was clearly repulsed, and covered his gaping mouth so he wouldn't get sick.

Tears prickled at my eyes when he looked into mine. Judgment. Niall was already at my side, sighing before saying, "She was upset Harry. This is how she learned to cope with her problems a long time ago. She can't help it." He had gotten a new bandage before wrapping it around my wrist again. His finger slid over my skin with such a gentleness.

"Was it something we did?" Liam asked quietly. "Oh no," I quickly corrected. "Please, never think it. There's just been a lot going on lately. Especially with being here." There was a silence then, and as if on cue, Niall's stomach growled, earning a laugh from us all.

I looked down at the concoction Harry made for me: A hotdog with all the fixings, a heap of mac and cheese, a large chocolate substance which could be a brownie, and carrots and celery. I gulped, loudly. Food scared me. Almost as much as Dan. But I am starving. I started to calorie count in my head. I took out the hotdog, scraped everything off of it, and cut it into pieces. I put a small bite in my mouth, chewed quickly, and swallowed, taking a large drink of water after. One down, eight to go.

After my fifth bite, I felt sick. Processed meat, fat, calories; they all added up in my mind. I looked down the table to see them all talking and politely waiting for me. "I'm sorry, you guys can leave. My stomach hurts, so it might take a bit longer." You didn't lie, I thought. I just knew they would take it the wrong way.

They all got up, but Niall stayed, sitting across from me. I picked up another piece, breathed then threw it in my mouth, chopped, swallowed, and drank more water. Niall looked amused. "Does it really hurt that bad?" I tried not to glare. "Yes." I said flatly. Every calorie hurts. I continued to eat, daring not to touch the chocolate or mac and cheese.

"I'll have to remember to never give you a hot dog again so you don't have to hyperventilate before you eat it." I flashed my eyes up to him, but decided to save my hi from my rude remark. He shaked his head, his blonde hair following his movements. "Not until you tell me what's really going on. I can't help, unless I know."

I held up one of the hot dog pieces. "It's disgusting." I said sickly. Niall's face blanked. "Oh. If you don't like hot dogs, you should have said something earlier!" He said, reaching for my plate. I grabbed his hand lightly, testing my limits. "No, you don't understand. This hotdog? Disgusting. This mac and cheese? Disgusting. This?" I said, pointing to the brownie. "Oh god." I moaned, thinking of all the terrible bindging that would come after eating it.

"So, you hate all types of food. Not just hot dogs?" He looked confused and upset. I felt bad, insulting the one thing he likes best. "These I like!" I held up my carrots and celery. He gave a large smile, but still looked at me, waiting for an explanation. "I just hate what they do. I'll get so fat." I mumbled while looking down. I could hear his chair squeak and the slaps of his bare feet coming around to meet me.

"Fat? You're anything but fat! You're so fit, you have hardly any fat on your body!" I shot out of my chair, yanking up my shirt. I pulled on my bruised stomach, wincing, then getting a little pinch of skin to come between my fingers. "You call THIS skinny?" I scoffed, pulling pitching in a few other places, before letting my shirt fall down. "I'm so fucking ugly, I could puke."

Suddenly, Niall's hands were around me, grasping me in a huge hug. I see why they are so popular, I thought. His hands slid down my back to my stomach. "You're insecure. Don't know what for." He shrugged his shoulders and made a face. I giggled. "You turn heads when you walk through the door. Don't need make-up, to cover up." He gently slid the back of his hand down my cheek. "Being the way you are is enough."

He slowly turned me around, showing our reflections in the mirror. He sat his chin on my shoulder and gave me a smile that sent sparks through my veins. "If only you saw what I can see, you'll understand why I want you so desperately. Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe," He turned me towards him, slowly leaning closer. "You don't know, no oh." He voice vibrated against my lips. "You don't know you're beautiful." Soft lips touched mine. I swore I wouldn't let myself go, to ever feel again, but my heart betrayed my cluttered mind.

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