Just A Teenage Life. ☯

Just going though the problems teenagers go through, my diary of how I deal with the days.


2. One Step A Time. ☯

From then on, I lost friends, got into fights with people, and I hated it. I knew people picked on me because I was the weakest out of literally everyone, so they knew I was a easy target. But what I didn't get was, that people were talking behind my back, I faced them one day, but because they started saying trashy things to me, I left, just like I always do. Well, I could say the bullying all started 3 years ago now, people called me fat, to the stage I couldn't deal with it anymore, I used to be such a confident girl, wearing dresses everywhere I went. 

But because of what people were saying to me, I stopped wearing dresses until half way through Year 8. No one realised my change of 'clothing' until 2 weeks later, when it was a really hot day, my best friend told me, "why are you in that dress? It's way too hot to wear that!" And I just smiled and said that I'm used to it. But you know what? I wasn't used to it, I'm half way through Year 9, and I wear a kilt to school, keep my legs covered. Even when I go out, I keep my legs hidden. It's hard, because when I had a school photo day coming up, everyone told me that we weren't allowed to wear kilts, but I was scared that I'd have to show my legs, which I really didn't want too. So one day I walked up to my teacher and asked if I was allowed to wear a kilt, she happily agreed. 

What annoys me is, that I have to go to the councillor about everything, even if I dob someone in to the councillor, she'll make sure that person gets in trouble. But seriously, what has this world come to? Judging people on the way you look! What do they think when they say that? They think it's purely funny just to put down one person, one by one. First term this year, I was sitting with my friends talking about concerts, weekends and all that girl stuff. Until one of my ex friends came up and sat down with us and it wasn't until two of the girls who were 'best friends' started pointing out insecurities, it wasn't until they got to me, that they thought I was fat, and a bitch. 

And with that, I just told my other friends I had to go do some work at the library. Because that's just me, I run away from my problems. Carrying on, while I was walking towards my locker, the two girls followed me and started teasing me, which got me angry, a crowd started forming, and I was getting even more angrier, until I saw my Year 7 sister, standing there laughing at me with the others, while I just walked off while they kept teasing me, crying my eyes out, no one following me to check if I was okay, to me, it just showed how much of friends they were. 

I always think to myself, 'why can't I be normal?'. Because all in all, I want to be the one getting a job, getting paid, not hiding away and keeping off a job until I'm older. I just don't think I could handle being around people, thinking their judging me, I get paranoid over the most stupidest things. Wanna talk to me about being normal? Don't come to me, because I am not one of those people. 

A lot of things have happened, my brother and sister think I'm faking all of this, but I'm really not. My sister is 13, only just started high school. She hasn't even learnt the ropes of it yet, she didn't go what I went through. And she thinks I have it easy, because I really don't. 

Literally half an hour ago, she said to me 'Stop liking that stupid boy band, stop wasting your life', but you know, I then said to her 'Well, I'm sorry they are the only things keeping me happy. Seriously, they make me so happy, smile and make me feel loved. My brother and sister tease me about my weight still, and so does my dad, little brother and other kids at school. 

I'm getting to the point thinking ill never get better, my councillor even bought a real therapist in for me, it was very nerve wracking for me, because I've never had a personal therapist. It was always out of the question for me until my mum asked me. The therapist was nice, but I still have a lot of warming up to do yet. For the last paragraph, I want to tell you how I get through this, day by day, you can stop reading if you like, but this is the only place to vent my feelings and doubts, so here it goes. 

I feel like I'm a useless piece of shit, that my friends fake being my 
friends, that I'm being judged as I walk down the school halls to the councillors office. Everything is taunting, the library is where I settle down, pick up a book or magazine, read it, close my eyes and think what to fix this. Breathe in and out, don't panic, be calm, 2 more sessions left of today. I let my emotions get the best of me. And I've recently just realised to step up my game, because, ignore the haters, they are just jealous of what you have and are, don't ever think less about yourself. Your perfect, and even though I might not believe that I am yet, I'll get there. 

And if any of you would like to message me, message me over twitter, just tweet me saying you got sent from here, ill be open any time of the day, don't be afraid please! 

Twitter; @louispopsicle

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