Totes MacGyver's Collection of Short Stories/The Totes Collection, vol. 1

Chapter 1 - THe RuMpas pUmpAs
Chapter 2 - Toopy the Tumbleweed del Truth and Wise Decisions
Chapter 3 - The Holiday of Regular Grass Gathering
Chapter 4 - Norman the (soon to be) Meatball Sandwich
Chapter 5 - George: Not an Ostrich
Chapter 6 - Ivana the Roast Beef Sandwich


6. Ivana the Roast Beef Sandwich - Flynn

Ivana the roast beef sandwich

Ivana is a roast beed sandwich. She says “naaaaaaa”. This is important. The color red represents her rage at turkey legs. When she sees red she says “naaaaaaa”. Blue represents her sadness not being human. When she sees blue she says “naaaaaaa”.

One time Ivana went to Kobebryantistan to find her soulmate, named naaaaaaaa. This is important. She fell in love with a pair of turkey legs. This caused internal bleeding in her roast beef, and she died. Then, a middle eastern man ate her for lunch. “Too much barbecue said the man,” said the man. It gave him ABS. He became a body builder. He got all of the babes. The Algerian Prime Minister gave him an award for being buff.

Two years later, Algeria was thrown into anarchy. Everyone blamed president Buff-Man, and he was assassinated by a naked mole rat. The naked mole rat mooned a trucker, who was superman, and flew out the window. The truck then orbited the earth three times, and then stole a handicap parking space from an elderly woman, causing to bomb Albertson’s. Now everyone’s angry because they are out of cabbage heads and parmesan cheese.

To solve this crisis, the Canadians gave everyone bagged milk. In return their kindness, they got sacked by elderly horsefiends. The Horsefiends turned out to be gangsters, who were repeat offenders of scissor stealing from barbers.


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