A Knife In Her Fist

This Is A Story Based On The Challenges I Faced During My Childhood Life. How I Faced Depression, And How Difficult It Is To Live In A Life Of Darkness.


8. Dreaming Away


  May 24, 2013 6:14 p.m.


  Today was a good day. Just like I said life is getting better. I’m actually moving on, isn’t that nice. Will I went swimming, and had fun jumping off the pool with Olivia. I imagined jumping into a pool of happiness. I was jumping into a place where I would be happy, and my ugly scars weren’t in my wrist no more. When I swam back up I had entered a place where no one judged me, called me Emo, or made fun of me because of who I was. Life is getting better for me these days, and I don’t even think about the horrible years I had. I had finally found my place in the world, and it wasn’t where I was 3 years ago. I was finally in a place where they accepted me for who I was, and no one judged what I used to do, and what I used to be. People now look at me, and smile. I smile back, because I know I should show that I’m happy and not hurting anymore.

  Today in history was funny. We had a Substitute, and she made my day. She would say Hello to everyone, and ask for the students names. She called me red head. I’ve been called that many times, and never actually felt bad. It was a compliment to me. Will it was funny because she kept on making this weird thing with her hands, and Ronnie said, “You’re Weird.” Everyone laughed, and she just said she wasn’t weird just fun. She was right about that. People aren’t weird we’re just fun.  People call others many names, and they know they’re the same. Today I saw him.  Just like everyday he looked great, but like always I was shy. There’s something about him that makes me like him more, and more his smile, his laugh, and just him. 


  I met him this year, and yeah, he’s my crush. His name I can’t say. All I know is that my mom and aunt embarrassed me in front of him, and yes I was redder than a tomato. The good thing is that he didn’t see me, but I felt guilty. I sent him a message, and told him I was sorry. He said it was okay, but I’m going to talk to him tomorrow. If I see him I’ll try to not be shy, but how can’t I his smile makes me nervous. He always says I shouldn’t be nervous, and I know I shouldn’t, but I just do. He knows how I feel, I told him, but I don’t think he feels the same way. My friends say he’s never going to notice me. I know he would never, but yet he started talking to me, and that gives me a reason to try. I won’t get to see him next year, and I have to try, and spend the most time with him. I’ll try to catch up to him after school, and say Hi almost everyday, but it will be hard with Yazmin always walking slowly.

   Jasmil has been my best friend for three years, and we get each other. I tell her my feelings she tells me hers. We fight sometimes, but we never stay mad at each other. I would be nothing with out her. I wouldn’t be the girl I’m today. She taught me to not listen to others, and to not be afraid to be myself. She taught me about music, and how to be crazy. I wasn’t shy when I first met her. It was like we were meant to be friends. We share secrets, and hide them from others. We stare at each other, and laugh for no reason. If she never had existed, and she weren’t here, life would be boring. Olivia wouldn’t be a punk girl, Alexis wouldn’t be sensible, and everyone would just be different. I’m happy I met her, and I’m glad to say I hope we last longer than 3 years, because I’m thinking of making her my kids godmother. Well I better go Journal. Bye. 

    As I turned off my computer, and got up I decided to listen to some music. I got my Ipod, and put the music on shuffle. Music was always on my mind, and I loved hearing it. I was hearing a beautiful song when my sister asked me if I wanted to go outside. I was really happy she wanted me to hang out with her, and I accepted. We went outside to meet up with Valeri. We put on some music, and they started dancing to their favorite song. I always liked seeing her dance. She was an awesome dancer, and I was the singer. It was about eight when we decided to go inside I was really tired so I decided to go to sleep. I was always tired, and I hated it. I got out some clother for tomorrow, and went staright to bed. Falling into a sleep so deep. Dreaming away. 

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