Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


15. Marley

Chapter 15 - Marley

He was jealous. He tried to hide it, but I could easily tell Louis was jealous of that guy. I had no interest in talking to that boy across the café but Louis' reaction was worth pretending I would have.

When he drives us back I only stay long enough to say goodbye to everyone else, and then I go home. It is true what I told Louis, I have some last minute packing. Two days before we leave. It's scary and yet the day I get on that bus and it drives out of Nashville can't come sooner.

As soon as I get home, I find my journal and pick up my pen, beginning to write. Hopefully after I am working for a few months I can look back at my entries. Or entry. I have only written one so far, this will be my second.

I have two days left in Nashville. I love it here, I love the summer air, but most of all I love my truck. I am going to miss it terribly and as much as I want to drive it around everywhere, I can't. This job means everything to me and I don't want to blow it. No one is going to mess it up for me.

But I am nervous. Not only am I going to be working with One Direction and other highly important people, but he is going to be there. Louis. I can't stop thinking about him, and the fact that my job is to take clothes off of him and put new ones on is highly distracting.

When someone says they are in love, my stomach does flip flops. I know nothing about love, yet I am glad, I don't want to be heartbroken, I have gone through that once. I was fifteen, so you might not call it that. But I think love is when someone is constantly on your mind and no matter where you are or what you're doing, you know that if that person was right next to you, it would make everything better. Their smile and voice and laugh and body language is replaying through your mind. Despite the way they may treat you, you will do anything to get them to say your name.

That is love.

So if that is love then I am on the road to it. I can see the finish line, but instead of sprinting towards it, I am walking. Slowly but surely I am falling in love with Louis Tomlinson, and if you ask me why, I will lay awake at night for hours trying to think of three reasons why.

I bite and nibble on my pen, a habit I have always had. I don't know I am doing it, but afterwards I cringe and wipe it off.

I know him, or at least I feel like it. When he told me about his terrible breakup, I knew I was falling hard, and no matter what I did to prevent it, nothing worked. The way Louis acts around me and the way he acts around everyone else is different. That's great because I love that he can be someone he is comfortable with when he is with me. But also, he shouldn't have to mask his emotions and feelings when he is around his best friends.

The pen drops from my hand, and I hardly notice myself falling asleep with my journal in my lap.


When I wake up, it's dark outside. The clock on my bedside table says it is just past two in the morning. I groan and stand up, changing into sweatpants and a tank top for bed. My head is pounding so I decide to go downstairs and get some water. I am careful not to wake my parents, so I climb down the steps carefully, wincing when they creak and moan.

I run my fingers along the wooden table and marble counters. I smile at the sight of the tiles on the floor, the one with my hand print right in front of the fridge. I made that when I was four and tried to get my sister to make one but she didn't want to, saying it was stupid. That resulted in me making two, saying one handprint was hers. Violet was so annoyed, but I knew she was smiling on the inside.

I refused to think about her over these past years, it became a habit and it was just easier to not think of her. Her bedroom door was closed and no one had even gone near it since the day she bailed. I think I was more angry at her than upset. When I was fourteen and fifteen years old, the darkest days for me, I needed my sister. But no one was there to cuddle with me when my mom and dad were asleep. They were all I had, but when it came time for them to work, I was left alone with memories of the whispers, the shouts, the painful noises.

It is easier now. I have put that behind me and am only focusing on the future. The one goal and promise I made to myself when I was sixteen was that I will not let my past hold me back from my future. So that is what I am doing, I am working hard to accomplish what I know I can. The past is the past and no matter how many times a day I want to break down, I don't, because I know I am strong enough to over come it.

My feet lead me back to my room and I collapse on the bed, waiting for morning to come. My eyelids flutter closed as I eventually find sleep, memories of kitchen tiles and ninth grade fill my nightmares.


"Call me anytime, I love you." I wrap my arms around my dad one more time. My things are being loaded onto the bus, we are leaving soon.

"I love you too, darlin'. Don't have too much fun without us." My dad winks at me.

I laugh. "I'll try." I turn to my mom. "Thank you mom, I can't believe this is happening."

"I knew it would, sweetie. We are so proud." Her eyes brim with tears and I swallow the lump in my throat.

I give them another hug and then they drive away. I wave until their car disappears from view. It seems I am already missing them but excitement takes over. I literally sprint to the bus and when I get on, Harry, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Lou, Parker, Amabel and Louis are sitting there. My eyes find Louis' and I smile.

"I didn't know you guys were coming." I say as I sit next to Zayn, speaking to Parker and Amabel.

"We couldn't let them have too much fun, right?" Parker laughs, grabbing Liam's hand. My eyes fixate on their interlocked fingers, and then I flush and look at the ground.

"So this is it? This is really happening?" I ask myself more than the people around me.

"Yeah, it is." Niall grins, sitting back down, this time with a soda in his hand.

"Feel free to get anything from anywhere, any time." Harry tells me, spreading his arms out wide. "Welcome to the family!" Everyone cheers and I smile. This is the best job in the entire world.

I grab my bag and find my bunk. I would have been staying on the other bus with the rest of the crew, but there are not enough bunks on that bus and this one is bigger, so I was told that I would be staying on this one.

"Which bunk is mine?" I call to the boys.

"The middle on the left!" Zayn calls.

I sigh and throw my bag up there. Harry is below me, Niall is across from him. Liam is above me and Zayn is across from Liam. My eyes widen. Louis is directly across from me. The isle is only about four feet so we will be extremely close. I jump when Lou comes up behind me.

"Don't get too worried," she assures me. "You won't be stuck on this bus alone with five boys. I'll be here, too."

"Thank God," I sigh. "I think I would go insane eventually."

Lou laughs. "And I wouldn't blame you."


"So where are we again?" I ask Liam with my nose pressed against the glass. We are pulling into the parking lot of the hotel. About fifteen minutes ago we pulled into a city whose name I already forgot.

"Indianapolis." Liam answers, taking a seat next to me.

I hum in response; I have never been here before. "Indiana, correct?"

"Yep," he chuckles. "We are going to be here for three nights and no one wants to stay on the bus so we are getting a hotel."

"Thank goodness, those bunks are pretty small." I say.

We park and everyone piles out, taking what they need inside the lobby. I am not bringing everything; if I need something that I don't have I can always come down to the bus and get it.

Paul hands us key cards and tells us room numbers. "Niall and Zayn, room 201. Liam and Parker room 202. Harry and Amabel room 203." Paul hands everyone their keys and they go running to the elevator. "Lou and Jennifer, room 204." Jennifer is another crew member. My heart stops. There is only Louis and I left to have a room. "Louis and Marley, you get your own rooms."

I let out a breath. The thought of sharing a room with Louis makes my heart race. I take my room key and Louis and I awkwardly go up together. I am room 207 and Louis is room 209, right next door.

His eyes meet mine as we unlock the doors, then break apart as we enter, the sound of it closing is the last thing I hear before I flop down on the bed. This is going to be an interesting few months.


You all are going to enjoy the next chapter. ;) Follow me on twitter @/excusemeniam

Alli, x

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