Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


26. Louis

Chapter 26 - Louis

"What did you want to talk about?" She asks me, our faces inches apart.

"Anything," I plead. I sound fucking pathetic but I would rather be alone with her than her spend time with Zayn or Niall. I know it's a dick move because she is friends with them, but the thought of her being with someone, even in a friendly way that isn't me makes me jealous. I would never tell her this out loud. I will never admit that I am jealous. It's annoying that I just admitted it to myself.

Marley's hand holds mine as we sit down together and I feel so secure when she holds my hand. I have held it before, obviously, but now, after that I told her that I don't want her alone with Zayn or Niall, it feels different somehow.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Louis. If you don't then I don't know how this is going to work." She looks me dead in the eye.

I gulp. "What do you mean this?"

"Yes, this. Us. The two of us. I'm not sure what the hell is going on other than I really like you, and you are being extremely confusing. Other than that, I don't know what to do here."

I am a little taken aback by her honesty? She really likes me? I fight a smile. I can't say I didn't know this. She has told me many times and I always had the worst response.

"I...I don't know either." I mutter. Yes I do. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to kiss her but after what she just told me, it would be like saying I love her. I don't want to face that yet. All I care about in this moment is that she is here with me and I like having her by my side. I will deal with anything else later.

Marley sighs and stands up. I can tell she is getting impatient with me. I can't help it, right? I am still worried that after she gets enough money from this job, she will quit and not talk to me again. What if she meets someone? What if her and Niall or Zayn get together?

"Where are you going?" I ask her.

"To the bathroom. You shouldn't stay back here. We are arriving in Cleaveland within the hour and you should get your things ready." She says with a neutral expression.

"Oh," I say. "Okay." She's like my second mother, always making sure I am prepared and ready to go. It's...nice. She leaves the room and I fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I frown. What is holding me back from falling in love?

Wait, what?

What the fuck? Did I just think about falling in love? Holy shit. I haven't even thought the word love since the morning before I found out about Eleanor. I never thought I would think that word again in this decade and here I am, thinking about love in terms of Marley. The thought of kissing her when I want and her always being there makes my heart contract. It seems...safe. She makes me feel something and everything at once. No one else has done that... I have become so used my numb heart that this sudden over-flow of feelings is over-whelming. I forgot how to act around someone that makes me feel again, and now that is backfiring in my face.

Life is a bitch.


When we arrive in Cleveland, Paul calls Harry and tells him that we are not getting a hotel for the next two nights. When Harry tells us we all groan. We were getting used to the hotels, but we just don't have the time to get one every stop we make. Like usual, we are doing to shows tonight and tomorrow. It's three thirty in the afternoon currently and we are leaving for the venue.

When we arrive, everyone piles into the venue and the crew diverges to do their work. The boys, Marley and the rest of the wardrobe and makeup team and I find an empty room to go to and we are ordered to try on different outfits.

"Can I wear those pants?" Harry asks, finding something that he likes.

"You always wear those, it's a bit strange." Liam laughs.

"Here," Marley hands the black jeans to Harry, no expression on her face. When her eyes meet mine her lips tug into a small smile. I return it this time.

"Thanks babe," Harry grins. My smile fades and my eyes lock with Harry. If looks could kill, Harry would be dead.

I know Harry would never, ever, try anything, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. Marley blushes a little bit and her eyes flicker over to mine. I know she knows I am annoyed with Harry for saying that and that makes her smile even more. She looks at me and gives me a reassuring smile and I relax a little. She shifts through some racks and takes a t-shirt off a hanger. I frown when she comes over to me.

"Try this on please." She commands softly.

I smirk and take off my shirt, my eyes never leaving hers. Our gaze only breaks when her eyes not-so-secretively travels down my body. I chuckle a little bit. I like that she cooled me down. It seems that I...overreact sometimes, but she is always there to reassure me that everything is okay. It's how things are between us, and I actually don't mind. As long as she looks as beautiful as she does right now.

"Does that fit okay?" She asks.

"It's a little tight don't you think?" I laugh a little. We both look down to see the fabric tightly hugging my torso.

"I'd say," she mutters.

"What was that?" I tease.

"Nothing," she grumbles, but she's fighting a grin. I laugh out loud this time and take a white tank top with a plain and simple black square on it that almost takes up the whole thing. The show is indoors so it's going to be extra hot on stage. With all the people, the lights, the singing and the jumping around like idiots are going to make the place a thousand degrees.

A pair of joggers is thrown at me and I put them on. We dress casually during sound check and then get dressed before the show. Sound check goes well. It is pretty funny actually. Niall and Harry choose to sing "Ain't No Holla Back Girl." It is really amusing to watch. Zayn, Liam and I are not quite feeling that mood so we go for "Happy Birthday" for Cary, a member of the crew. She is on the second bus.

After sound check we go backstage and Harry and Liam spend time with their girlfriends while the crew is bustling around doing everything. Niall, Zayn and I are the only ones that seem to be standing still. Even Marley doesn't seem to be paying attention to me. It's annoying that I look to her to look at me. Isn't that strange? I'm not ready to face the reason why I want to her look at me.

But my eyes stayed focused on her. I am being completely obvious about it but I don't care. Her hair is naturally curly and half up, a large clip holding some of it back. Her black skin-tight yoga pants are enough to make me go insane. On her feet are combat boots and over her head is a sweatshirt that has the name of a high school on it. I assume it's the one she went to.

"Louis, are you ready to get dressed?" Caroline, our wardrobe designer calls me. I look over and see the rest of the boys already walking to the dressing room.

I steal one more glance at Marley. She is setting everything up in front of the vanity. "Yeah," I say and follow them. I dress in the clothes that I picked out; at least I get some say in what I wear. The lads and I never want to dress in the same clothes. It doesn't work for us.

"Go to hair and makeup, good luck out there," Caroline smiles at us and we thank her before leaving.

I'll admit, I walk a little quicker than necessary to get to where Marley is waiting for us. The boys give me smiles and suggestive looks but I ignore it as I plop down first in the chair. Marley smiles. "Are you nervous?" she asks me, just like she does almost every night.

I chuckle a little. "I suppose." The more shows we do, the less nervous I get. I know that if we go out there and do absolutely nothing the fans will go insane. It's great.

Marley fixes my hair since apparently I messed it up taking off and putting on clothes in wardrobe. Her hands rake through my hair while she puts God-knows-what into it and I close my eyes. I have to hold back a moan when she touches me. This is so weird! I remember the days when I used to swallow bile when she touched me. Now, today, it's something I long for because her, and only her is what can make me feel again. Yes, what I feel is not always rainbows and daffodils, but it's something. Before, all I felt was anger and eventually I became numb to everything else. It was tiring, and these new feelings that come along with Marley are...refreshing.

Marley has to tell me three times before I get out of my chair. "Sorry," I mutter and get out of the way so the boys can get ready. I wait somewhat patiently. I notice that Marley doesn't look at the boys the way she does me. She just looks focused, but when she was getting me ready our eyes kept meeting and her cheeks kept flushing. My pulse increases when I realize that those things happened with me only yet I am a fucking coward because I cannot go over there and tell her how I feel. I don't even know exactly what I would say.

Not that I would do it anyways.

We have fifteen minutes till show time and everyone is ready. The fans are eagerly waiting and I get that rush of adrenaline before every performance. "Good luck out there," a voice says behind me.

When I turn around I am greeted with blonde hair, blue eyes and a shy smile. "Thanks," I say back and there is a moment between us where she looks at the ground and I play with the mic in my hands. Before I know what's going on, her lips are pressed against my cheek and her hand is squeezing mine. My breath gets caught in my throat. What the fuck is happening to me?

She gives me one last smile before leaving. I can feel her touch still lingering on my face. Someone on crew tells us we have ten minutes so last minute things are prepared as the lads and I do our song. "Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to work we go..."

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