Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


18. Louis

Chapter 18 - Louis

After what Marley just told me about her fifteen year old self, I am having a hard time controlling myself. I want to throw something against a wall. Or someone, preferably one of those blokes that took advantage of her. I can easily picture her, young, lost in so many aspects, smeared makeup and red eyes and she down bottle after bottle. As easy as it is to imagine her like that, I am finding it hard to believe it is actually true. The Marley I know today would never even touch a cigarette. It almost makes me want to laugh out loud. Her, Marley Pennington, being a rebel?

But it's not funny, it's fucking real. I feel closer to her than I did an hour ago and there is no way I am leaving her tonight. As much as the voice in the back of my head tells me to get the hell out of there, I don't, because how can I?

I look behind me and see a few yearbooks, they must have been what triggered her break down. I heard her from my room and I sat there for a good ten minutes debating whether I should come here or not. Didn't anyone else hear her? Eventually, I started going a little mad so I came, and I am bloody glad I did.

But why would she, why would she look at her yearbooks if all it did was bring her pain and regret? She told me herself she does not want to remember that year, so why would she do this to herself? I can feel her pulse as her hand clutches mine as I try to think of an answer. She told me that because of what happened her freshman year is why she is so focused on working nowadays, she feels behind, but she isn't. I know she is very smart. My heartstrings were pulled at when she mentioned that her parents were all focused on her sister, Violet. I can imagine what she went through, I have plenty of sisters of my own.

I can tell she loves this job of hers; and she is good at it too. She takes it very seriously and I know that if anyone tried to ruin for her she would have their head on a stick. But on a more serious note, I can understand where she is coming from; that is one thing we have in common: We are both afraid of repeating our mistakes.

I don't want to be left again, and you never know it's going to happen until it's too late. That is why I am afraid to let myself go with her, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't like going into things not knowing the outcome. The only exception I made is when I went on The X-Factor, but that worked out for the best. Dating Eleanor, however, did not.

So, all that being said, I think it is appropriate that we drink. And I mean drink. When I come back with the liquor bottle I am a little nervous for her reaction, but when she smiles and takes a long drink, my shoulders relax and I come and sit beside her on the bed again. She winces and hands it to me.

I am drinking for her, and because I don't think I will be able to stay in this room sober for much longer. The bottle meets my lips and the familiar burn of alcohol is felt in my throat. I shake my head, but get addicted to the warm feeling in my veins almost immediately afterwards.

"It's your turn." Marley says, picking at the label on the glass bottle in her hands.

"What?" I ask.

"It's your turn. I shared something about myself with you. Now you go."

I take a drink, I need it if I am going to do what she asks. "Fine," I sigh. "I am bloody confused." It's the truth, I have no idea what I am doing. With her, obviously, my gut tells me to just shut up and kiss her senseless again, but my head is screaming, No, you idiot! It's giving me a headache and I am getting pretty damn sick of it.

"About what?" She asks, meeting my eyes.

I take another deep breath. "Everything." I don't exactly tell her much, but hopefully she can see the look in my eyes, basically saying, Don't make me say it out loud.

Marley gives me a single nod. "I am too." Her lips come to the bottle and I watch as they wrap themselves around it, and I gulp, looking away.

"Yeah?" My words are starting to slur the more I drink. The bottle is a quarter empty and I swear there are three televisions on the dresser in front of us.

"Yep." She hiccups. "I won't bore you any longer, though."

"You won't," I almost whine.

"Fine," she huffs, then turns to face me. "I don't know whether to call Violet back or not."

My drunken brain swirls at a million miles an hour. "I think you should call her."

She is surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah," I take another swig, "despite your...differences she is still your sister." Am I right or am I right?

"I guess." Marley's eyes close and she falls back onto the bed, her legs from the knees down hanging over the edge.

The fact that I am pretty much drunk makes me laugh out loud when it's not even that funny. I see Marley trying to hide a smile and I crawl over to her, my face inches from hers. "Are you dead?" I stifle a laugh again. Damn this vodka.

Marley giggles and opens her eyes, "Yes."

"You don't seem dead to me." Why can't I wipe this smile off my face?

She laughs again and my eyes widen as one of her hands cup the back of my neck. "This Louis is the best Louis." Her words are slurred as well.

"What?" I blink a few times.

A frown takes over her face. "I like you better like this."

"Like what?"


"Oh," I frown. "I think it's the beers we had."

She smiles again, and I do too, just because she did. "We had vodka, you idiot."

I hysterically laugh, and before I know it, I am on my back next to her, both of us holding our stomachs. "Same thing." I mutter as our laughter dies down. Our eyes meet and I realize how close we actually are to each other. My gaze flickers over to her lips, they are pink and I am finding it harder and harder to resist her.

The alcohol in my body pushes me to her, and before I know it, I am kissing her, hard. Immediately her mouth opens and I can smell the vodka on her breath. I am torn here, as my lips work with hers in a desperate way. I know I should get up and leave right now, but...I don't want to. I want to stay here and kiss her.

And so I do. My discretion is gone and all I can do is deepen the kiss by holding her waist. She rolls over so she is straddling me, her hands moving into my hair. My left hand is holding her waist and the other is cupping her cheek, bringing her body impossibly closer to mine. Like normal humans, we need proper oxygen, so we pull away but our forehead touch still. Our breathing is ragged and forced, yet I want to kiss her more, I would give up oxygen to keep her mouth working against mine.

What the fuck? The vodka is making me think things I would never actually think if I was sober. But I'm not sober, I am drunk and I am doing something that I really want to do, despite the voice in the back of my head telling me I shouldn't want these things. But you know what? I do. My eyes close when Marley moves her lips to my neck, leaving rough kisses. My mind takes me to dirty places and my pants feel noticeably tighter.


I open my eyes when she sit up, and they widen when she slips off her shirt. I gulp, alright then. Our lips connect once more and I find myself slowly start to drown, drown in her, that is. The longer our skin is touching, the longer I am kissing her, the more terrifying the thought of not doing this often seems in my head.

So I let myself drown in her, get lost in her, I will pay the consequences in the morning. Right now, I don't give a shit. All I care about in this moment, our lips working in sync, when I am in bed with the girl that has made me feel alive, and just feel again in general like no one else has.


My eyes open slowly, and I blink a few times to make sure the time that is being portrayed on the clock is correct. Yes, it is indeed eleven fifteen. My eyes widen. The lads and I have an interview today, in about two hours actually. I try to move, but my body is being held down. It's not too heavy, but certainly something I haven't felt in a long, long time.

The first thing I notice is her small hand on my chest. My eyes follow down her arm and my breathing quickens when her bare back comes into view, her face covered by her curly blonde hair. The duvet reaches the middle of her back and covers all that is below that. Our legs are intertwined, I can feel them. My right arm is tucked under her, her nose in the crook of my neck.

Memories from the previous night come rushing back, and at that moment, my head begins pounding. I fucking hate hangovers. I remember all of what she told me, but once the bottle became half empty everything is one big blur. I have to get ready, I don't want to get in trouble with Paul or the other lads.

Slowly and carefully, I untangle myself from Marley and slip on my jeans. I gather my boxers and t-shirt in my hands, looking back at the sleeping girl. Her cheeks are pink and flushed, she looks...beautiful. There is really no other way to put it. As much as I feel terrible for leaving while she is unconscious, I have to go do my job for one, and I also need to think about where this leaves us, are we together? The thought scares me still. Are we friends? The thoughts makes me disappointed.

I shake my head and leave the room, and mentally curse when I bump into two people who I didn't want to talk to at this moment. "Louis?" Niall asks, with Zayn on his right.

I look up at them slowly. "Yeah?"

"Why were you...is that Marley's room?" Zayn asks, him and Niall looking flabbergasted.

"I...yes." I sigh, sifting my weight.

Their eyes widen, then Niall smiles. "So you... ya know?" He wiggles his eyebrows in a very suggestive manner but I roll my eyes.

"Piss off," I mutter and go to my room, slamming the door and taking a shower before getting dressed.

I know that as soon as I walk out of this room, Marley will be waiting downstairs. There is both positives and negatives to having her work with me. Today, I can tell, will be one of the longest of my life.


I hope you enjoyed this chapter. ;) Let me know if you want the...intimate chapters more descriptive.

Alli, x

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