Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"


4. Louis

Chapter 4 - Louis

"Would you just hold still for five seconds?" Lou snaps at me. I mumble an apology and do my best not to fidget. It's Wednesday night, and it's time for the show.

"What up with you today, mate?" Zayn asks while pulling a t-shirt over his head. 

"I don't know," I snap, and then feel a little bad. "I guess I didn't get much sleep last night." 

"You're done." Lou tells me and I stand up, getting a mic from a man wearing a head set.

We're doing a show tonight and what's really sick is that instead of doing a single from Take Me Home like Live While We're Young, we go to choose any track. The lads wanted to do Back For You, especially Harry, but I would rather do something else, anything else. It reminds me of Eleanor, when we were still together I would say it was my favorite whenever I was asked.

Now, there is a bitter taste in my mouth as we start to sing the song. The girls scream and wave and I try my best not to hide my frown but the lads know me too well and can tell something's off with me. When it's time for my solo I just stand there and sing. Niall and Liam do something silly and the attention shifts to them. Fine with me, I don't want people to see me weak and pathetic. It makes me angry how she just left me all broken and didn't even care.

I am so over that stupid romance. A little voice in the back of my mind tells me that I don't really think that, but I would never admit it. That relationship lasted a long time and I honestly pictured us getting married one day. But it's better and easier if I just deny that I am still dwelling over something I shouldn't. 

I am so done trying. No one knows what's it's like. Liam and Harry have it so good, it aches my chest to know that I had it at one time. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been a better breakup if I had done something. The fact that I didn't makes it hurt so much more.

After two more songs we wave and run backstage. This day seems to be going by so slowly.

"We're going out to dinner, want to come?" Lou asks me. 

I shake my head no, they should really stop asking me. I never want to go out anymore. They leave and I'm left alone to drive around. I don't want to go back to the bus. Nashville is pretty boring, I don't see anything to do that seems appealing. 

Before I know what I am doing, I pull into a deserted parking lot a block away from a bar. There's a bench under a tree and as lame as it would be to sit under it, this car is stuffy and I need some air. I sit down and stare the stars. It's already dark out, it can't be eleven yet. Isn't it a little late to be going out to dinner? Whatever. I wouldn't have had a good time anyways.

What did I do? What did I do to make Eleanor hate me so much? Getting cheated on is possibly the worst way to end your relationship, unless you literally kill each other. Honestly, if she looked me in the eyes and told me what I did wrong, that I didn't make her happy, that would have been better than this agonizing pain of not knowing. It kills me, it drives me insane. 

I thought we were okay, I woke up that morning and I was in love. But when I saw her with him, after the way he told me that she was sleeping with him, not her, I was blindsided. There were signs, but I didn't seem to notice at the time. She would come home late, but I didn't think twice of it, I thought it was normal. I came home late too. I didn't lie about where I was, who I was with, ever. When I was with Eleanor I thought I found someone who loved me for, not as Louis Tomlinson in One Direction. I suppose I was wrong. Famous or not, I want to be respected.

I look over my shoulder at the bar, thinking if Eleanor was the only person that would ever treat me like she did before we broke up. My feet carry me across the street and before I can change my mind, I walk inside and look around at the drunk people dancing. Everyone here seems of age so I won't have to worry about anyone knowing who I am. It's pretty dark in here anyways.

"Just give me something strong," I mumble to the bartender, a woman who is practically topless. I don't even bother looking. Instead, I look behind me to the dance floor at all the sweating and moving bodies dancing to the rhythm of a song I don't know. 

I down two shots and walk over, a black-haired girl with pale skin spots me and walks over. She looks about my age, maybe a year or two older.

"My name's Elouise," she purrs at me. I just stare at her. "Call me El." 

Are you fucking kidding me?

There was no way in fuck this is happening, but I think, screw it. She's really hot and I don't know what I'm doing. The alcohol in my blood is enough to make me tipsy but I'm not drunk. Before I can over think it, I'm dancing with this girl who doesn't even know my name.

My hands go to her waist and she reaches behind me to grab my neck and pull me closer to her. Why am I not feeling anything? I try, I try so hard to feel something because anything, literally anything will feel better than this hole of despair I am currently drowning in. This girl, I don't even want to say her name, turns around and our lips are dangerously close. What's going on?

This isn't me. I'm not the kind of bloke that would go out and get drunk and hook up with random girls. Before, when I was taken, I obviously didn't do that. But she did, the voice in the back of my head reminds me. That little reminder is enough for me to press my lips against the girl's. She kisses me back right away, her hands traveling up and down my chest.

But then I think, what is this doing? Kissing this stranger isn't helping anything, it's not filling the whole in my chest. None of these girls in this bar will. Will anyone? I sigh, step back, and walk away. I hear her protests behind me but I ignore them. She's very attractive, yes, and if I wasn't slightly intoxicated I would have asked her out maybe. But now, here, with the thoughts going through my head, I'm just not attracted to her. 

I find a stool in the corner of this place and order a beer in a tall glass. This time, a guy fills up my glass and takes the order of a girl with brown wavy hair that goes to the middle of her back. Her features are soft and I have to look twice to make sure it's not my ex-girlfriend. It isn't, thank God. I breathe a sigh of relief, but I can't tear my eyes away from her. She looks over and our eyes meet, anger fills me. Just by looking at someone that reminds me of her causes me to see red.

"What?" She asks, not in a rude way. There is a smile playing at her lips.

"Nothing," I snap. "You just remind me of someone is all."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" She scoots closer so she is sitting in the stool next to mine. I move away from her but don't make it obvious.

"I don't think you want to hear the answer." I say.

"Oh, okay. I gotcha." She winks at me but I cringe. "You here alone?" 

"Yep." I answer plainly and don't even look at her as I take a sip of my beer. 

"Who do I remind you of?" She pesters me.

"You ask a lot of questions don't you?" I smirk, not amused in the slightest.

"Well considering that you looked at me like I just murdered your family I think I have a right to know." She fired back, pushing her brown hair away from her face.

I take another drink. "Just someone that I used to know."

"You don't know them anymore?"

"No, I don't." I laugh bitterly.

"That's a shame." She smiles.


"I don't know, you seem lonely."

"You don't even know me," I point out. "And I hate the person, so don't take it as a compliment."

"I didn't." She says, then offers me her hand. "May."

I stare at her hand, but then take it. "Louis."

"I've seen you around." She laughs to herself.

"I have never seen you before in my life." I blink. I've only been to Nashville once and it was for the tour last year. How could she have seen me?

"I see you everywhere. On magazines, on TV, on my littler sister's bedroom wall..." She trails, but doesn't seem to be freaking out.

"Oh," a small smile plays on my lips. 

"But don't worry, I won't tweet or anything." She gives me another wink. Her phone rings, and she smiles as she answers. "Yeah, I'll be right out." When the call ends, she throws a few dollars on the table and picks up her purse. "I gotta run. That drink is on me."

"Thanks." I mumble, circling the rim with my finger.

"I'll see you around, Louis." She turns and I offer her a small wave. "Oh, and I hope that the person that you used to know becomes a person that you know...if that makes any sense." She says when she turns around again.

Before I can reply, May is gone, and I'm alone once again.

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