Alone Again

Have you ever felt so alone? So much so, that you don't know what to do? Haunted? Haunted by, who knows...? So alone that you could really Use Someone right about now...

1. Alone

So here I am. Here I am, again. On my own. Again. Haunted. It seems to be a common occurrence, nowadays. That is, to be here, on my own. But, ‘where is here?’ I hear you ask. Well, I’ll tell you where here is. In here; up here. I’d tap my forehead, but that’d be a pretty useless action, given this is on paper, or, most likely, a computer screen, nowadays. But, in the end, it doesn’t really matter – paper vs electronics- you obviously can’t see me either way. But, I wonder what you would say, if you could see me, that it. Would you take pity? Would you applaud me? Would you even notice me? Me, sat here, alone, haunted. Haunted by…what?

Anyway, you can’t see me, that much is obvious. So, instead, I’ll spell it out for you. I’m in M-Y M-I-N-D. My imagination. My consciousness. Alone, again.

Not because of some accident, any tragic incident, leaving me in a world with no family. No, that’s not why I’m alone. Not at all. Not because I have no one to love me. I have a family, the best family anyone could ask for, in fact (minus my sister, perhaps!). I also have possessions. A house, well, my parents’ house, technically speaking. A PS3, nice clothes, a 26” TV in my bedroom, a… I have, and could have, any object I desire. They’re sat downstairs, now, in fact. My family. Watching TV. The muffled sounds vibrating though the hallway. And I’m up here, in my room. Typing away. On my own. Haunted.

However, I don’t just have all these things; a family, possessions. I also, have a lot of… wait, before that, I’d just like to point out that, if you could see me, I’d be laughing now. Ha ha ha. Face lit up by a mocking, wry smile. One that doesn’t quite reach my eyes.

Anyway, that’s besides the point. You can’t see me. No one can. I’m alone. Alone forever. Well, maybe not forever. I don’t know. I’m not special, I can’t predict the future, or anything. I’m just ordinary. Alone, yes. Haunted, yes. But not…unnatural. I wish I could though, predict the future! Imagine all the problems that would be solved by reading the future! No problems. A world without problems? Forever without problems.

Forever- that’s a strong word. Not a big word. But a strong word. A word, one of those words that just…sits there. Not smiling, not crying, just…sitting there. In it’s… ‘foreverness’. Yes, it’s a good word.

In any case, I was telling you what haunts me. Not ghosts, as you may expect. Not disembodied figures, with missing limbs. No. Homework. Yes, that’s what haunts me. Homework. The never ending pile of it. Just sitting there. On the desk. Swamping my laptop amongst stacks of precariously balanced papers and textbooks. Homework. One of the world’s biggest problems.

Forcing children, any and all, no matter who, to sit at a desk, staring at… staring at what? Sheets of paper? Textbooks? Computer screens? I don’t know. I only know me. Alone. Haunted. Maybe if I wasn't so alone, it'd be ok? Maybe... maybe I would be alright? I don't know...

I know I shouldn’t complain. Without homework, kids will learn nothing. Well, some argue that kids learn nothing from homework anyway. Some kids don’t even do homework. The ‘cool kids’. The ones that don’t need to do it. The ones that are above homework. The ones that ‘hang out’ with their friends, and smoke, and take drugs. The ‘cool kids’. I don’t. I don’t even have friends! A loner, forever alone… I do the homework. I try to learn, and learn, and learn. Learn maths, English, geography, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Business, the whole lot. So that I know it. And I do well. So that I get a good job. And then I can do whatever I want. I am haunted now. But I allow myself to be so. I allow it, so that I can break free later, and rule over the ghosts. I’ll know how to control them, so that I can be the best.

And then they’ll be the ones that are haunted. The ‘cool kids’. Haunted by failure, haunted with the knowledge that they can’t do anything now. Haunted by the fact that they killed their own future. Because they were the ‘cool kids’. Well, they won’t be so cool then, will they?

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