Without a Clue

Trigger Warnings: reference to/ mention of domestic violence, reference to/ mention of sexual abuse, reference to/ mention of substance abuse, descriptive depictions of self harm and suicide, death, abortion, and mental illness.

Niall's secretive, always has been, but the world is in utter shock as the news is released that Niall has a son. The two year old blond, Grayson Finn Horan, is simply the most important thing in Niall's life, but when a stunning American popstar, Demi Lovato, starts to work her way into his heart, he doesn't know how to react.


4. Chapter Four: The Unhappy Boy

-Demi's Point of View-

It's an alarm that wakes me. I jerk awake and instantly realize that the alarm that woke me up isn't mine. It isn't even coming from this room, but I can hear it clearly. The alarm is extremely loud as if it's meant to be heard across every room in the house. Realization instantly clicks through my mind as I realize that this must be a security system alarm.

Someone is breaking into Niall's house. I open the door just a crack to see if I can see anyone. A whirr of blonde rushes past the bedroom door and I hear another door slam. Why is Niall running so fast, and why to Grayson and Jensen? If someone would be breaking in, it wouldn't be that room considering that Niall told me he intentionally gave Grayson the room that doesn't have a fire escape because it was dangerous, especially for a toddler's curious little mind.

The alarm stops suddenly and the only noise in the house is a quiet rustling and a loud screaming that belongs to the one and only Jensen Irwin. I've already had the pleasure of waking up to his piercing cry once tonight. That baby has a cry that will haunt me in my dreams. I wait a minute at the door, but Jensen's cries continue. Instead of slowly stopping as I would suppose they would with Niall in the room, his cries have only gotten louder, as if he hasn't been soothed yet.

I walk down Niall's hall and the plush carpet makes virtually no noise with my steps. Grayson's door is open wide, unlike the firmly shut door that Niall made sure of so Jensen wouldn't wake me with his cries for the second time, 'That's what a baby monitor's for anyways.' I peek into the room and the sight leaves me stunned.

Jensen is crying louder than ever in the crib in the corner of the room, his face red and puffy as he looks for someone to soothe him. Niall's side is facing me, him shirtless and in a pair of black and green basketball shorts. He's shuffling impossibly quick and pulling off Grayson's shirt as the toddler lays in his crib, still sound asleep. Niall's has got the side of the crib slid all the way to the ground so the top of the bars that secure Grayson in his crib are completely out of the way.

He lifts the nose cannula oxygen machine that Grayson was wearing in order to let him have his pacifier, and replaces both Grayson's pacifier and his nose cannulas with a full- and portable- oxygen mask. Niall supports Grayson's head and lifts him as if he's sitting up. He looks at the screen on a little plastic machine placed on Grayson's thumb and instantly wraps him up a baby blue blanket that was draped over his wooden crib.

"Gemma will come get Jensen in a few minutes. Could you watch him 'til then?" Niall says incredibly fast. He quickly grabs Grayson's blue backpack and darts out of the room when I agree. There's a jangle of keys and suddenly the front door is slammed, leaving me alone with a screaming five month old baby. I'm not really sure what happened to Grayson, or what the alarm was, but I do know that Jensen needs someone to soothe his tears.

I pick up the baby and he instantly starts to calm. Jensen looks at me with his big hazel eyes and it makes me smile at him. He slips his hand in his mouth but continues to whimper as I rock him. I don’t really have much experience with children, but I suppose what I am doing is working because Jensen stops crying. His face is still pink from his tears but he seems thoroughly content with chewing on his tiny fist. I still can't believe how heart-stoppingly cute Jensen is. He yawns slightly then continues to look at me interestingly.

About twenty minutes later, there's a knock at the door and I quickly shuffle down the hall, making sure Jensen is safely tucked in my arms. As I near the door, I notice Grayson's dinosaur blanket laying on the floor behind the couch. Niall must have dropped it as he was leaving. I hope that he realizes that he's left it before Grayson does. I bend down to grab the soft blanket and drape it over the back of the couch before answering the door.

Gemma is standing there when I open the door, a sleepy smile on her face as she sees her son. I move aside to let her into Niall's apartment and she's quick to take Jensen from my arms, instantly smiling and bringing him close. She kisses his cheek softly and brings him up to rest against her shoulder instead of how she previously cradled Jensen in her arms.

"Thanks for watching him." She tells me softly. She's looks simply exhausted but has no problem keeping Jensen tightly grasped in her arms.

"Do you know where his bag is?" She asks me curiously, already looking around the apartment. I nod and go back to Grayson's room where Jensen's diaper bag is placed up next to the crib he was previously sleeping in. I bring the little car print bag to Gemma and she places it on her shoulder gently, trying not to shift Jensen too quickly.

"Do you know what happened to Grayson?" I ask. I'm thoroughly worried about the toddler. He was obviously not responsive to whatever Niall was doing, and he didn’t even wake up when the blaring alarm went off. He could be seriously sick.

"He had an asthma attack. He gets a bad one every so often. His asthma can't be treated with an inhaler, so Niall usually takes him to the hospital when it's bad. I wouldn't worry about it, It happens all the time. Sorry he didn't tell you about it. He's not really good with the whole… people thing?" She gives me a sympathetic smile and I nod, instantly turn to grab Grayson's blanket as I realize she's about to leave. I hold out the soft fabric towards her, and she looks at me for a moment.

"Are you going to see him anytime soon? I figured Grayson would need this." She nods fully towards the blanket as if she's seen a fit Grayson's had when he didn’t have it with him, which she probably has. She pulls a strand of hair from in front of her face and puts it behind her ear. Her hair is in a messy bun because I'm sure she wasn't planning on coming to get her son this late at night.

"I won't be back at the hospital before Niall would be home. But you know, the hospital is basically across the street. That's why he got this place despite it's size. I'm sure it wouldn't take more than fifteen minutes to take it to him if you wanted to." She tells me softly, as not to startle Jensen who's eyelids are drooping slightly. I can tell by the time she arrives home tonight he's going to be far gone. He seems like an easy child to care for despite the absolutely ridiculous volume his cries seem to reach. She opens Niall's door and thanks me again before slipping into the hall and shutting the door gently until it latches.

I decide about a half an hour later that I really should be taking the blanket to Grayson. I would hate for Grayson to wake up and want for his blanket only for Niall to realize he's forgotten it at home. I grab my phone and change into some more presentable, yet comfy clothes, and head out the door, making sure to lock the door when I leave.

Gemma seems to haven't exaggerated at all on the location of the children's and maternity hospital across the street. I only had to cross one road, then walk down the sidewalk for one block before I was at the quiet entrance. The hospital seems to be deserted, but I suppose that makes sense considering it's nearly four in the morning.

The lady at the reception desk on the first floor is on her phone, sitting back with her feet up on the desk. Her printed scrubs makes it obvious that this is a children's hospital. I stand at the desk for a moment, hoping she would notice me standing there, but my efforts are futile. 
"Excuse me." I say softly and she looks to me with a cheery smile then laughs. She shakes her head with a smile.

"This hospital has seen too many famous people today." She says lightly. I suppose it might be odd for her to see a member of One Direction and me here on the same night, but I still think her reaction is a bit odd.

"Can you tell me what room Grayson Horan is in?" I ask her and she nods slightly, wheeling her chair up close to the desk and typing away at the keyboard.

"I'm sorry but Grayson Horan's rooming details are private. I could try ringing the room for clearance?" I nod at her offer, and she slowly gets out of her chair, writing something on a sticky note and going to the wall behind the desk to call someone. The phone call is quick and she walks to the room behind the desk, pulling out a form and an official looking name tag. It requires signatures and even some codes. I suppose if I had a child here I would take the same precautions.

The paper I'm required to sign is simply a waiver stating that I will not release details of his room, or any information about Grayson to the public. I sign it quickly as she fills out the little sticky name tag. I expect her to give it to me, put she turns and pulls a plain plastic card out of a drawer and places the tag on it. She then slips it into a clear plastic case on the end of a black lanyard. She hands it to me and motions for me to put it on as she files away the waiver I signed.

"Just wear that when you get to the room. Once you've been in you can probably take it off. They usually only check for it once. Room 589." I thank her before she points me to the elevator and goes back to playing on her phone which is most likely the only thing she can do at this hour.

It's easy to find Grayson's room considering it's the only room on the fifth floor with two large men in black clothing standing guard at the door. They're conversing lightly, but then return to their all business attitudes as I approach the door. They give me a confused look when I show them the card I was given and the smaller of the two, a ginger man with thin facial hair and a buzz cut, turns and knocks on the door. It's opened quickly and soon I see Hayden looking at me with a smile. He nods to the guards who instantly step out of my way and let me into the dark room.

Instantly, I notice Niall laying against the side of Grayson's hospital crib. His arms are crossed and his head rests on them as he sleeps soundly, sitting in a uncomfortable chair. Grayson's hand is held firmly in his and it hurts me to notice the breathing tube Grayson has been equipped with.

"He's going to be fine. Don't worry, Demi." Hayden tells me softly, most likely noticing the sad look on my face as I watch the father and son duo sleeping peacefully. I nod to his words but then I realize fully that Hayden is here. Why is Hayden here? Didn't his wife just have a baby?

"I thought you would be with your wife." He shakes his head and sits down on a couch in the corner of the room, closing an open MacBook and placing it in a burgundy backpack.

"I'm hiding in here." Hayden tells me, patting the seat next to him as if to say I should sit down. I walk quietly over to Grayson and replace the scratchy hospital blanket draped over him with his dinosaur blanket, hanging the old blanket on the side of the crib, out of the way. I walk over and quietly sit down next to Hayden, him handing me a blanket from a stack in the corner of the room. I suppose with how often Gemma says Grayson is admitted to the hospital, Niall is used to having to sleep in the cramped rooms, which would explain the empty fold out bed on the opposite side of Grayson's crib, and also the extra pillows and blankets.

"Why're you hiding?" He gives me a small frown and seems to curl in on himself as he grabs his own blanket. The hospital room is pretty chilly.

"He's supposed to be home. Sleeping." The Irish accent makes me turn my head towards the now awake Niall, his head still rested on his arms, supported by the crib. He yawns slightly and lifts his head. His extremely bad bed-head makes both me and Hayden laugh lightly at him, which in turn leads him to brush his fingers through his wavy hair as he makes his way over to us.

"Hayden has a spinal cord injury and he's supposed to be at home sleeping in a bed so he doesn't hurt himself." Hayden rolls his eyes at Niall's comment, but then chooses to ignore it. He obviously thinks whatever Niall just said was unimportant, or else he would have given the comment more than just a rude stare.

"Stand up, H." Instantly Hayden glares daggers at Niall and shakes his head fiercely.

"You are not showing her."

"Yes I am. Unless you want me to tell Karen about that time in Spain when we-"

Niall's instantly cut off by Hayden simply begging him not to finish that sentence. Whatever happened in Spain must be something that he doesn’t want anyone, especially his wife, knowing about. Hayden mutters angrily and stands, letting his blanket fall to the floor. Niall is quick to join him standing, and when Hayden turns his back to me, Niall lifts his shirt.

Hayden's back is simply covered in scars all the way from the base of his neck to past his waistline as far as I can tell. There must be at least a dozen different instances where Hayden must have had surgery on his back and one of the red scars looks as if the stitches have just been taken out it. I've known the boys for years and I never knew about this.

After a few seconds Hayden pulls away and Niall lets his shirt fall. Hayden looks utterly pissed that Niall would let me see his back. I'm not really sure why he wouldn't want me to know about it.

"It's not that bad…" Hayden mutters as he curls up on his chair again and looks away from me and to the floor.

"Hayden, it looks like your back was attacked by bigfoot." Niall says, laughing lightly, and that makes Hayden smile at him. I understand why Hayden's wife would want him to sleep in an actual bed rather than a hard hospital chair if his back is this bad. Hayden gives me an embarrassed smile and rubs the back of his neck.

"Go home, Hayden. It’s not good for you. You know that." Niall mentions softly and Hayden shrinks more into himself, ignoring everything said to him.

"How about you stay at my flat tonight? If anything happens I'll call you and you can be here in five minutes alright?" Niall offers and Hayden smiles at him. Niall points to his keys on the small table next Grayson's crib and after Hayden's packed up his things, he quickly grabs the keys, says his goodbyes, and leaves. I think it's sweet how he gives Grayson a small kiss on his forehead before leaving the room. It seems like a lot of the boys tend to care greatly about the fragile, little toddler.

Niall stands after Hayden leaves, walking over to where he was previously sitting and nodding his head towards the chairs over there. It's obvious he wants to sit closer to his son. As soon as Grayson's hand is within reaching distance, Niall holds it, smiling sadly at his child. I can't imagine ever going through this. It would be so horrible to have to see your baby so sick.

"I'm sorry about how blunt I've been." Niall whispers softly. I can tell the absolute sincerity in his voice even as he faces away from me. I know Niall's been slightly blunt but I wouldn't really think of it as anything he should apologize for. He's just stressed and I understand how that could make him seem a bit hostile.

"It's fine, Niall. Really." He turns to look at me with a sad smile and sits down gingerly on the hard chair. Then, when he looks back to his child, he finally realizes that the blanket laying over him is not the scratchy material it was when he fell asleep.

"Did you bring that for him?" Niall asks after he looks back to me. His eyes show something I haven't seen from him before and he looks extremely grateful.
"Yeah. I saw it on the floor. I just kind of figured…" My words get lost but I know he gets my point as he nods, adjusting the blanket on his child as he thanks me. He looks back at me and the blush on my cheeks must be undeniable. His eyes are simply beautiful.

"It really wasn't a problem." I mumble. Niall's gaze makes it hard for me to focus on my words but he seems to be focusing on me rather than the incoherent ramblings coming out of my mouth anyways. His eyes connect to mine in away that no one else's has and for a moment I feel as if something's changed in him yet again. That wall that I know is built so high in his mind just got a bit shorter and all he needed was a little kindness. All he needed was someone to care. I haven't seen the boys say a caring word to him the whole time I've been here and I suppose it's always like that. I know how alone he must feel, and honestly I'm glad that I could make his day just a bit better.

Niall sits silently for a few minutes, just staring at the ground. I can fully understand why he's so upset. His child is sick. I just hope that when I finally find someone to marry, and we have children that they'll be healthy. I could never handle what Niall is going through.

"I'm sorry about Grayson." I tell Niall softly and he gives me a soft smile. He nods gently before looking up at me and sitting up straighter in his chair.

"He'll be okay. It's just hard for me to see him like that. He's my little man." He lets out a quiet laugh before continuing. "Sometimes I wish his mam were here. She'd be much better at handling this than me." He stops to wipe a tear from his cheek but he keeps smiling sadly. All of the sudden the act he's been keeping up seems to drop and within a second his smile falls off his face. The tear that fell down his cheek is soon accompanied by a few more, but Niall's quick to wipe them away.

"Sorry." He chokes out, his voice cracking a bit. He tries to look away from me, but I'm quick to place a gentle hand on his cheek, tilting his head back to face me. When his eyes meet mine I drop my hand and give him a soft smile.

"It's alright to cry, Niall. You don't have to hide it. You don't have to pretend to be happy." He looks undoubtedly confused at my words. From the looks of things around here I doubt any of the boys have told him something quite like what I just did. They're evidently uncomfortable with trying to help Niall deal with his past so they ignore it. And by them ignoring it, Niall tries to ignore it too. What a horrible way to live, with your closest friends trying to will you into being happy. I can't imagine how long it's been since he's had a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he never did. 

"You don't have to be happy for me. You don't have to be happy for anyone, not even the boys." His face just drops into the saddest smile I've ever seen and the tears continue down hid cheeks. I pull him into a gentle hug as he mutters a thank you. Until he finds someone else, or the boys man up, I can be his shoulder to cry on.

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...