Vents & Poems From A Narcoleptic High Schooler-Among Other Things

High school. The year where everything came back and the former, well known version of myself died...this is me now.
*Mixtures of poems, prose, possibly letters, & short stories*


2. Poem #2: Anxiety


Inhaling deeply, 

My left hand holding the doorknob firmly, 

"I can do this," 

I tell myself, 

And I begin to open the door, 

To the outside world.


It takes just one step, 

To realize my horrible mistake. 

My body trembles, 

My hands sweat, 

And my heart beats wildly.


I begin to hyperventilate, 


I can't breathe! 

My head throbs with pain, 

I can't do this!


With all my strength, 

I run back inside. 

Calming down, 

I realize I was such a fool.


I try again,

This time going by car, 

I am in school now, 

My favorite place to be. 

Yet, why do I feel funny?


I realize with horror, 

That the feeling is back. 

The sweaty palms, 

The rapid breathing, 

And heartbeat, 

The head throbbing, 


I shout in my head, 

Why here!? 

Why now!?


I sink to the floor, 

And lean against the wall, 

Shaking uncontrollably, 

I hope no one notices.


My prayers go unanswered, 

As everyone goes up to me. 

At least ten faces, 

Are talking all at once.



"You alright?" 

"Guess what?" 

I did the uncontrollable, 

I screamed.


As they stare in shock, 

I calmly take a breath. 

I apologize, 

And say  

"One at a time please."


That's actually a lie, 

I love you guys, 

But my body is saying you should go away, 

Yet I don't want that.


I feel like crying, 

I feel so pathetic, 

So afraid, 

So ashamed.


I want to talk, 

My throat is cut short, 

I want to be like you, 

Living life without a care, 

Yet I see the world as a depressing place, 

And I'm scared, 

Scared of what you'll think of me.


How badly I want to curl up in a ball and hide,  

And just transport home, 

To my room, 

But I can't hide forever.


I can't even ask anyone a simple question, 

I dislike stores, 


And going to houses I'm unfamiliar with.


It gets worse, 

Why are my parents ignoring it? 

They call it a phobia, 

They might think I'm too lazy to leave, 

I silently cry for help, 

Because I can't say it out loud. 

Someone help me, 


Help me with this, 

Social Anxiety.

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