Lost in myself.

My life at the moment..


1. What is happiness?

I'm lost.

Sometimes I feel so neglected by the people who used to love me once. They have thrown me out of their hearts, and I lost hope in my life.

Life isn't as bright full as it once was. Life has just become a routine for me now. No hopes to live by. No one to relay on. No smiles.

I think I might have lost my happiness. I doesn't smile from my heart anymore. All my smiles is now plastic. I think I've lost myself.
Who am I? Why am I here? I doesn't feel alive anymore. 

When people who used to love you starts to erase you from their heart, from their lives everything suddenly feels like it's not worth living anymore. 

When you loose their trust, for someone who doesn't really mean a thing to you, that's when you realise how much you really had. 
I was once told from my early childhood that I should change. Change is a good thing. 

So I started to explore what the world had to offer. I found out that, if you really want to change yourself for the best, you really have to get to know yourself first. 

I started to hang out with people who was trying to use be as an object. No one really cared about, my real values. When suddenly I hit the ground. Because of myself. 

Who helped me up from the ground? The king and the queen in my life. My parents. They have given me the love I needed, the advice I needed, the help I needed to wound myself. 
They trusted in me. But what did I do? 
I lost it all. Because of what? Because of a person who doesn't mean anything to me. A person who only uses me for the sale of themselves. 

All the trust I had in my parents heart, are all gone. The heart is like a flower. Hard as a rock, but still fragile as an flower. I have shredded their hopes, trust, dreams in their hearts. The good girl they thought I was once, had suddenly become a bad person. But did I knew this? No. 
I was busy satisfying myself, that I totally forgot the most important people around me. The ones who stood by my side from the beginning. The ones who taught me to walk, and talk. Have I really let them down? 

Yes. I have. 

My life isn't the same anymore. All the changes I was told to do, suddenly had turned out bad. I'm not the quite shy little Girl as I once were. I've grown up now. But according to my parents I haven't. 

I think I know everything now. I can do anything now, but the truth is, I really can't do anything. I'm just lost in myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. What have I done? 

I barely find myself smiling. I don't know what it means to be happy anymore. 

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