Build Me Up.

I thought a diary entry would be appropriate for the 'Hidden Power' competition.. As always, rated Yellow for possible triggering scenes or choice language (you never know what I might write when writing from the seat!)


3. 18/11/2012


I've been sleeping more. It seems like such an insignificant thing, but for me, sleep is suddenly my escape. When I'm asleep I can construct a castle by raising my hand, destroy a monster with a click of my fingers. I can be constructive or destructive, and it doesn't matter because there are no others, there are no consequences. I'll write symphonies and musicals that fade away as I decide on another activity, something else to create and destroy with a wave or a deep breath. I write on the walls in coloured paint, then coat it all in white and start again, with a blank canvas. 

What I didn't realise was that of all the canvases you can have, a blank one is one of the worst. Clean slates encourage you to think. And in my state, thinking is the blade pressed just a little bit too hard to my throat, forcing gems of blood out as I shout. 

Often, I wake slowly, sliding from an unconscious state gently. When I wake up like that I feel subdued, as though that day will be slow, but not painful. Those days are my good days; those are the days that remind me that I won't always be a silly little girl with overgrown issues, one day I'll finally grow up. But sometimes, I'm stuck in Neverland, kicking up the dust from where the ocean has disappeared, leaving a pool of dry sand and dismembered mermaids rotting in the sun. 

Neverland is dying, and surely that's a sign that I'm moving on. 

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