Even If.

"You'd love me? Even if it's not you who I choose?" I whispered to him.
"Even if," he swore.


12. Nine.

Song of the chapter: Circus Girl- Mindy Gledhill. Start playing... RIGHT NOW.


"I'd travel near, travel far 

If I could just be where you are 

We'd have a show 

Like performers living life on the go 

And I'd tame bears and tigers 

Just as long as I could

Walk on a wire, jump through a fire for you 

Hang from my knees on a trapeze while you 

Make me spin 

Yes, you make me twirl 

Like a circus girl

From overseas, we'd acquire the most bizarre oddities 

And charge quite the fee for the people 

Who will flock just to see 

I wonder what they'd pay 

To see my heart on display

Walk on a wire, jump through a fire for you 

Hang from my knees on a trapeze while you 

Make me spin 

Yes, you make me twirl 

Like a circus girl

Maybe I'm too blind to see that 

I am just the clown who follows you 

Around and 'round and 'round but

Walk on a wire, jump through a fire for you 

Hang from my knees on a trapeze while you 

Make me spin 

Yes, you make me twirl 

Like a circus girl," I sang with a smile to the people who had crowded around. The whole song I was thinking about two people and two people only. Jack and Finn.

And the song before that, I also thought about Jack and Finn.

And the song before that.

And the song before that.

They were the only people on my mind.

It's as if everything else didn't matter anymore, and the whole universe was just three things. Jack, Finn, and me.

The problem was that I couldn't have both of them.

But I forced that thought away whenever it crept into my mind, not wanting to have to deal with that yet.

The people around me burst into applause and, beside me, Zeus barked happily, breaking me out of my reverie. Mothers, Fathers, kids, and young couples on the streets of London had all stopped to watch me and I was incredibly grateful, and plenty of them threw money in the guitar case in front of me. I thanked each of them genuinely with a smile, and some even stopped to tell me how good my performance was. After most of the people had cleared, I patted Zeus on the head, and he barked back, causing me to giggle.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bill float into the guitar case in front of me. Without looking up, I eyed the bill to see a twenty-pound note. In careful handwriting, I saw "coffee?" written on the top, right hand corner.

"You know you never cease to amaze me, Elizabeth Stark," a familiar voice spoke, and I couldn't fight back a smile.

"It's what I do, Finnegan Harries," I beamed up at him.

"You have time to get some coffee?" he smiled.

"I do indeed. I thought you had super confidential meetings this morning?" I questioned.

"Jack told you huh?" he laughed, "well they're all done with now."

"Good, because I want you all to myself," I stood up and hugged him. His embrace was familiar and comforting.

"Are you alright?" he asked into my shoulder, not breaking the hug, his voice muffled.

"I'm getting there," I laughed, rather than the alternative of crying.

We broke the embrace and he started to help me clean up my stuff.

"514 pounds!" he exclaimed, "how long have you been out here?"

"About 2 and a half hours. Yesterday I was out here for 4 and I made double of that," I proudly stated.

"Amazing," he muttered.

"It pays the bills," I shrugged.

"You know the average street performer makes nothing even close to this, right?"

"Some of them do," I point out and strap my guitar case closed.

"Only the really good ones."

My cheeks turned a light shade of pink. I usually have no problem talking about my music achievements, but Finn's flattery really means the world.

He turns to face me and puts his hand in mine.

"You're extraordianary, Elizabeth," he said sincerely, looking into my eyes.

"Thank you, Finn," I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

We walked together to the Starbucks on the corner of the street, but before we made it, we were stopped by two girls who looked around 16. One was wearing a yellow accented tribal mini skirt that hardly covered her butt, with a white, long sleeved chiffon shirt tucked into it and the other was wearing an outfit similar to it, but with different colors. One was tall, blonde, with flawless skin, and the other was shorter, stick thin, brunette, with perfect makeup. I instantly didn't like them.

"Oh my gosh! Hi Finn! Hi Beth! I love your channels! Could we get a picture?" the brunette said with a smile. Great, perfectly straight, white teeth. What else is perfect about her?

"Sure!" Finn beamed back at them. She handed the camera to me and they took a picture with Finn, and then she gave the camera to Finn and they got in a shot with me. I plastered on a fake smile and tried to act cheery, although they were really getting on my nerves with their perfection.

When the pictures were done, the blonde one asked a question that made me dislike her even more, which I didn't think was possible.

"I thought you were dating Jack?" she stated in disbelief.

"No, she's dating Finn," the brunette told her.

"No, I saw pictures of her with Jack," the blonde rebutted.

"No, Cassandra, she's obviously on a date with Finn."

"Are you dating both of them at the same time?" Cassandra gasped.

This could not get any more awkward.

Finn and I both awkwardly laughed.

"Well it was nice seeing you guys. We'll be going," Finn said politely, though you could hear the trace of uncomfort in his voice.

We walked around them and into the Starbucks, but as we were walking in, I could hear them exchange words such as, "Slut" and "Whore" and other words that I do not like to say.

We ordered our drinks and sat down at a booth in the corner of the shop.

I tried not to let it show that they had gotten to me, because the truth is, I felt like a slut. There was no denying that I was seeing both the twins at the same time and I had feelings for the both of them... at the same time. How could that not get to me?

"Ugh, did you see them? They were so perfect," I sighed.

"Perfect? They were extremely rude!" Finn said angrily, though I knew the anger was not towards me, but towards them.

"But don't you think they just looked perfect? Their outfits were completely Tumblr worthy, their hair and makeup looked like it was done professionally, their features were perfect, and they were stick thin. Looks wise, they were perfect," I sighed and drank my frappachino. The number of warm drinks that I had drunken that morning was continually increasing.

"I didn't even notice," Finn admitted.

"Oh come on, you mean to say that you didn't think they were pretty? The thought didn't even cross your mind?" I asked in disbelief.

"Not really, no."

"But it was like Tumblr threw up on them!" I laughed.

"I guess I just don't notice any other girls but you anymore," he shrugged.

"You're such a cheeseball," I chuckled, while stirring my drink with the teeny coffee straw.

"You love it," he smiled. And I did love it. A bit too much, actually.

"So, how are you feeling? Better than yesterday? I wish I could've stayed with you, but I had to be fair and let Jack have his turn."

"I'm feeling alright, I think I just needed sometime to calm down. I just hope that you guys don't think of me any differently," I sipped my drink.

"Not possible," he stated, unnerved.

"How so?"

"That was kind of a big deal for you to tell us what you told us and you trusted us with that information, which only made us feel closer to you," he informed me.

"Hmm. I guess," I sighed.

We drank our coffees and I tried not to sigh at how adorable Finn looked today.

He was wearing a simple grey long sleeved shirt with black skinny jeans and black converse, and his hair was slightly messy, turning me on even more.

"What did Jack and you talk about? Are you planning anything? I've noticed that you haven't gone on any life-altering trips in quite awhile," I smiled and he chuckled.

"As a matter of fact, we were planning some life-altering trips."

"Where are you going?" I asked curiously.

He simply shook his head and motioned his fingers across his lips, like he was zipping them up.

"Ah, I see. Super confidential stuff," I laughed.

"Not really," he laughed, "we don't really have the details worked out for ourselves, but I'll surprise you sometime."

"I'll get it out of you," I grinned.

"Have you ever gone anywhere out of the country?" Finn asked me, genuinely interested.

"Never," I shook my head, "I've only been here and Cheshire. It's always been my dream to go somewhere though. Anywhere."

"If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?" he questioned.

"Probably Paris," I answered right away, without even thinking about it.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because it's gorgeous, romantic, historical, I speak fluent French, and there's a Disneyland there, and I've never been to one before."

"You speak fluent French?" he questioned, obviously surprised.

I nodded. "And Italian."

"When did you learn that?" he exclaimed.

"This photographic memory has got to have something to do," I laughed and pointed to my head, "and I had a lot of free time during high school."

"Incredible," he murmured, looking straight into my eyes,

"You know, Finn, you're like living my dream," I said.

"How?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity and sincerity.

"You travel the world. You've been so many places and I've been stuck here," I sighed.

"Why haven't you ever left? You've been on your own for forever, yet you have always stayed close to home. Why is that?" he asked.

"I didn't want to be alone. Before I moved here, I'd been alone since I was a kid. I didn't have any friends who would want to go somewhere with me. So even if I did leave and go somewhere, I'd still be alone. And I was just tired of being alone all the time," I shrugged, trying to stay nonchalant.

"Well now you have tons of people to travel wi- wait. Why have you been alone since you were a kid?" he asked after comprehending what I had accidentally revealed.

I bit my lip. 

"There's more to your story, isn't there?" he mumbled softly while grabbing my hand on top of the table.

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