In the eyes of emotion


Hello everyone! So it's GCSE time again! For my creative writing mock, I have to write a story with the title, 'the victims' (I know that's not what it says on the title, but still..) We have to be creative about it. So I based my story on the school shootings in America. It is basically, the story of the shootings, through the eyes of 5 emotions/things: Death, Grief, Anger, Peace and Unity. This is my first draft, please tell me if you firstly get it, and secondly anything I can work on, I am looking for constructive criticism here!!!! It is quite a hard book that younger readers may find distressing. If this affects anyone is any way, I am very sorry. Please tell me if that is the case. And to all the families affected by this disaster, you are in my prayers. Keep strong. God bless.


1. Chapter 1

There she is. Sauntering in, merrily turning off the life of the individuals. Their tiny hands coated in bright paint, a clue that spills out the day’s artistic enjoyment, are now covered in putrid warm crimson blood. As she shuts of the minds, that any other day would be preoccupied with the morning’s cartoons and the want for new toys, is now a desolate wasteland. Their eyes, through them the world is all but an imagination, the eyes that can change the playground into a super hero’s hideout. The eyes that can change the pool into a mermaid city, are now stone cold, and for the first time seeing the world as it is. The bodies, that soar around a room, bruised and scabbed over, are all but brave scars of the battles they have had with the super hero’s villain, or the mermaid eating witch now crashes to the floor for they have lost the fight over their imagined ‘baddies’. The voices, that can only recite the alphabet in tune, or count up to ten, is replaced by ghostly silence.


As the bullets puncture through the air and make contact with it's next victim.


Many names she goes by, she is all a game, a game no-one can escape from. It’s a roll of a dice, a heartless grimacing throw, whatever number it lands on, some-one will pay with their last breath. Doesn't matter if you gamble your lot, or play it safe, she is evadable from the fate that would one day include you. 

The police sirens match the parents wail, and form a gut wrenching melody composed for sadness; parents push through the survivors, eyes fixated on only finding a single individual. Most eyes are greeted with the relief of the child, the arms that embrace the shaking shocked bodies with a vow to never let go. The few, unlucky eyes, will keep scanning, but would never find the person they are searching wildly for. As they melt to the ground in bone racking grief, only comforted by strangers, as they see their child brought out in a bag. 

Death, as she saunters away, crosses a path with a familiar friend. He trudges past; eyes drowning in salty tears as he slowly drags his feet towards the grieving families. He is an emotion everyone has experienced, and once you have acknowledged he is there, he never goes away; he patiently lingers in the background, waiting for a memorable sound or a vision to set you off again. Grief, heavy unpleasant grief. He comes hand in hand with his big sister Death. As together they walk down a destructive, never ending path.


The broken families, walk home, are numb to the world as Grief racks their bodies with more sobs at their lost child. They have lost all hope in the world. Friends, kind neighbours help them to the feet, make them hot drinks, and make sure they feel loved. The broken ones walk gormlessly as if Zombies through days, weeks, months, and even years. Grief however, makes his presence less and less. But still. Waits in the background. Just, like a cat lingering for pray, heartlessly waits. He makes him presence nearly extinct, The families can rejoice the life of their lost child, make sure they are never forgotten. Make sure they are remembered as the happy infant, and not the bloodied lifeless body. 


Few months go, and a new face emerges from the sorrow. She glides in, and gives the grief stricken bodies a rest, and in return gives the families tranquillity. Peace. She kindly teaches the families to enjoy life once more, as they are safe in the knowledge that their child is safe, always remembered, and never forgotten. that the child is in the kind hands of God. The families know that life will never proceed as normal; That part of their heart will always ache for the child, but Peace gives life and prosperity back to the families, that, a few months ago all means of going on was sucked right out of them. They know, that they cannot live in sorrow, selfish sorrow. That their child would want them to continue on and not take their life for granted. To take life with the ups as well as the downs. Peace, give herself up to them. She has done the impossible task of giving back to them the will to live, and given them the acceptance to move on, and not like Grief that only gave Guilt to do so. 


6 months later, and a stronger face shows up. He marches in with force. He gives the broken families something so much more important than Peace. He gives them something to root for. Something to rally behind. He gets all the community together. In such strong Unity, as they to march up against Death and Grief. They make a petition, and get's people all over the world to look and listen to them. They change laws, raise money, and do brilliant, things to make sure a tragedy like this is to never repeat itself, no matter how long it takes. This group of people, from the old to the new changes other people's lives. As although Death and Grief has single handedly snatched their children away from this earth, and made their lives a living misery these groups of people stand up and make sure other stranger families never have to endure such torture. Unity then turns his back, on his now strong army, with the promise to return with the same motivational fighting spirit, if Grief or Anger dare to show their faces in that neighbourhood again. 



*Thanks for reading! Please tell me if you get what is happening so I can change it. Would sooo love constructive criticism! :)

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