I don't want to be yours. I don't want to be anybodies. I want to be me. I want to be Boston. I want to forget about the past and live my life. I want to be noticed but unnoticed by you. Leave me alone, Liam, because this time we really will kill each other. Don't try and find me, because I don't want my memories to haunt me like they happened yesterday. Like Hollywood says, two celebrities never make it out alive. And we are the perfect example.


31. let me love you like tomorrowland

"Can we just forget about everything that happened," I whispered as his lips kissed every part of my body. 

He stopped and looked up at me, "What do you mean?" 

"I want you to," I started, almost inaudible. 

"What?" He sent down a devilish smile, but it quickly vanished. "What do you want me to do?"

I took a second, and inhaled. "I want you to make love to me like it was the first time. Like we were back in Tomorrowland. Like nothing ever happened. Like it was the beginning." 

"I can do that," he simply muttered in reply. 

I arched my back into him, causing him to almost silently hiss. "Then I'm yours." I wasn't sure how many times I've told him that I was his; but if he could forget about everything I learned about him, and he forget everything he learned about me, I wanted him. He was someone I could never wish away, someone I always wanted to come back.

Someone who I always wanted to love me. 

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice his lips caressing my neck. Or the fact that I was moaning slowly with each flick of his tongue. I lifted my arms above my head, and let him continue his path down my body. He removed my clothing gently, like it was an art. 

I was naked before him in less than a couple seconds. His hands wrapped around my shoulders and lifted me. He sat on his knees in the position in between my legs as I gasped. I caught hold of his shirt, and slowly looked up at him, my bottom lip dropping. When I finally found his brown orbs I didn't let them go. 

I started to run my fingers down his shirt and then curled them at the hem. I slowly pulled the fabric up and pushed it over his head. My nails dug into his torso and slid towards. We didn't talk, our bodies did that for us. 

When my tips touched the buttons of his jeans I hesitated--it was like the first time.

He sensed it an brought his finger down under my chin and lifted. He looked into my eyes and with deep certainty and unbearable hotness he whispered, "I won't bite."

But I did. I bit down onto my bottom lip so hard that I could almost taste the iron of my blood.

'Regain you courage,' I kept telling myself. So I did. I inhaled as I popped the button and continued on the zipper.

It is just Liam after all. Right? Oh no.

I'm losing it.

"Liam," I breathed. I wasn't brave...I wasn't a stupid girl. Thinking I could possibly relive a memory that never happened in the first place. I was never a virgin--he was never a bad guy. We both lied to one another and we're lying to one another right now. "I'm thinking too much."

I felt his hands again on my shoulders. He pushed me back slowly without saying a word. Until I hit the sheets anyways.

"What's wrong?"

I just shook my head.

"What's wrong? Look at me."

I tried to look away but he caught me and I was forced to look back. This was embarrassing, especially since I was naked.

"Can I have my shirt--?"

"No," he said sternly. "What's wrong?"

Could I tell him? Of course, but should I? "Is it possible for us to relive the past? Repeat out mistakes?"

"I guess," he started. "Unless we learn from the mistakes. Bo, I'm not understanding--."

"It's nothing!" I said it a bit too quickly and his eyes narrowed.

"You're not telling me something."

Caught again. This time I exhaled. "I'm scared. Our entire relationship I've been scared. And it scares me even more that what we have together will continue to not rest and forever be an ongoing fight."

"And we are back to this," he said as he sat away from me, giving me room to sit up. He pulled his knees to his chest. "I don't understand what it will take for you to understand that we were stupid then. We now know our mistakes and we can learn from them. I you won't then I will. I'm not ready for something like our own stupid young selves be in the space that's keeping me from the one I love. You mean the world to me and I don't know how much I have to stress that but I will keep doing it as long as I convince you stay one night longer. I love you so fucking--."

He never got to finish because I pressed my lips to his. Why am I so stupid. I always do this and, you know, the only thing scaring me is myself.

"I'm sorry," I said around his lips. "I guess there's just a part of me--."

He pulled away slightly, "A part of you I love. A part of you that keeps me working hard for what I want. I love that part. Now, Mrs. Payne, let me love like Tomorrowland, because it's killing me."

"Take me back there," I spoke hazily.

"I have the perfect playlist," he smiled as he set his phone on the bedside table as a David Guetta and Ne-Yo collaboration started.

"That is so cheesy," I giggled.

"But it's so us," he laughed. And as we continued to laugh the memories came flooding back.

The many plane rides. The gun. The teasing. The everything.

Memories that haunted me. Memories that felt so real. Like I could relive them.

Like they could've happened yesterday.

~~part two of the epic finally~~

part 2/3

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