Only Hope

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“I’m sorry to tell you that, Isabella.” I was with my head down, resting it in my hands, crying. There was nothing else to do, everything I could do was cry. I cleaned my tears looking at the doctor. “It’s ok, I’m going to be fine. Thanks, doctor Mark” I was definitely lying. “Is your father here? Can you go home alone?” He was concerned about me. “Yes, he’s waiting outside, thank you.”

I said leaving the room. When I saw my dad, I made a negative signal with my head, bursting into tears again. He fast came to my direction pulling me close. “I’m sorry sweet, I’m so so sorry, I wish I was in your place.” He was also crying.

“I’m good for now dad, ok? Everything is going to be alright, I know that. I’m only 18, there’s so much I can do yet. I promise to stay here for awhile, ok? I’m never leaving you and mom.” He nodded, but kept crying. After some minutes, we left back home, both of us crying all the way. In the car there was a death silent.

My mom came running to our direction anxious as soon as we entered the house. When we said the results of the medical examinations she stopped talking and started crying. I decided not to bother them anymore and went directly to my room. I just can’t stand all this suffering anymore.

I rolled into my bed with me hanging upside down, running my hands across the floor, looking for my diary. No one is ever going to read it, but when I’m writing, I feel like I’m not alone.

I know I’m not, I have my parents, and my three best friends at school. Theres Kevin, who knows me since we were 8, Leila, who I met last year, we really got closer fast. And there’s Kim, who’s Kevin’s sister, so we are friends since always also.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold the tears from falling, got my pink pen in the table and opened the pink diary that has huge glittering letters written DIANE, no one should EVER read you!!!, that’s my diary’s name,  I flipped up at the next white page waiting for me to be written.

“11.06.13 Hello dear Diane, how are you?

I’m not so good at all. I wish I was better, I promised you that I would face my destiny stilly, that I wouldn’t cry whenever the results were… But I just can’t. It’s so hard for me to be ok. You would feel the same if you had to face it too.

Apparently I’m perfectly healthy. I still have my curly blonde hair, my light brown eyes are the same way it have always been… I'm not weaker or anything. Everything seems just fine.

These diagnoses must be wrong. All this suffering my parents and I are going thru must be for nothing. But it’s the third time, the results are the same. I have to face my reality.

I’m strong enough for that. You are with me, aren’t you? I have you, my parents and the Bazingas (that’s how my friends and I named our group). I’m not alone at all. Thanks for still listening to me.

I know I got really boring at the past months, but I promise I’ll get better, ok?

Love you, Bella.”