I don't own any of the characters or locations mentioned in this short story.

It is meant to be a humourous tale of what two brothers talked about during one of their antics!


1. Platforms

Mario is a plummer. But hes no ordinary plummer; there are a few things you need to know about Mario. Firstly,  he never does any actual plumbing - no one can remember the last time he fixed a pipe or stopped a water leak. The second thing to be aware of is that he has strange dietary habits; he’s rumoured to eat gold coins, which as any doctor on the planet will tell you, you should never ever eat; equally strange - eating carrots has been known to make Mario fly short distances (which had tragic consequences during the last birthday party he went to for his estranged cousin Wario...when everyone should have been talking about Wario’s new hat that he got as a present, the most memorable thing of the evening was Marios low level flying antics after the main course...both cousins would later deny that this incident was the root of their animosity, indeed they would on occasion even deny they were related at all, but the other family members who were there that night - well they have their own theories; for now thats a story to be told at another time).

Today we find him out with his brother Luigi (when Luigi was born his parents broke an extended family tradition of having their children named to rhyme with “ario”; they briefly considered “Lario” but they quickly decided it just didnt sound right). Mario and Luigi had been running and jumping for quite some time, as if guided by some unseen force. In the heart of Mushroom Kingdom, up on platforms that sometimes looked like the ground, and at other times has the appearance of coloured boxes, a shout broke the silence...
Luigi who had been ahead paused, and turned around.
“Oh please ! Mario, do you have to keep shouting that?”
“What, I dont know what you mean...”
Mario’s last sentence was delivered in a far deeper voice than people are used to, but in a manner more suited to someone of his age and body shape.
“Come on Mario, there's no one around to hear that, theres just you and me here. Why do you need to shout every few minutes? And...if you're going to talk in public at least put on ’the voice’, you know, the one that everyone expects ?...stop pretending to be Batman or someone.” 
“Luigi” Mario replied “you can't have it both ways; you yourself just said there is no one around. I like talking in my normal voice, you know my shouting for the fans hurts my throat!”
So onwards the two intrepid brothers went, jumping from floating platform to floating platform. After a few minutes they paused for a brief rest.
“Anyway”, said Luigi, “where are we going today...dont say its to rescue...”
“A certain princess!”, interrupted Mario, “Yes... you're right”
“Peach! I knew it. I almost didn't even bother to ask. It's always Peach when you ask me to come jumping! I dont think she's even a real princess you know?”
Mario looked shocked. “Why would you say such a sentence?” 
“Well. Her crown doesnt look real for a start. She only started wearing it after we all went to that fast food place that time...”, Luigi paused, “...and another thing;  if she was royalty, why does she need a couple of unemployed maintenance men to rescue her? Shouldn't she have guards or armed special forces to look after her?”
“Youre just being mean, come on lets go....”

Whilst shouting his now familar cry, Mario jumped and grabbed the mysteriously floating coin.
“See. There you go again!” Luigi was getting headache. “You're going attract every Koopa in the area with your shrieking. Why do you keep eating those coins, I've always wanted to know. It’s a really strange habit”
“I don't eat them, I collect them.” Mario said sheepishly.
“No you don't, your pockets would be full by now. Show me one then”
Mario went into his pocket and flipped Luigi a coin, Luigi turned it over.
“Wait a second” he said, “this isnt a new coin - its got Yoshis head on it! I haven't seen one of these for this still legal tender?”
“Oh shut up” Mario retorted “collecting coins is not as strange as your hobby of exploring haunted houses”
“Ive only done that twice - It is hardly a hobby. Come on. Lets just keep moving over these endless platforms, get to Peach and then go back home”.

Luigi jumped onto the next ground themed platform, then turned back to his shorter brother “I don't know why we can't just move to somewhere else. Somewhere that we dont have to jump on floating things on a daily basis. That blue hedgehog fellow for example, he has a nice environment; sure he has platforms, but at least he has slopes to break things up a bit”
“You know we can't go there, we’ve talked about this before!”
“Oh yes, what was the reason again?”
“Its that Egg man, or more specifically his moustache. He always has to have the biggest moustache”
“He's cool though, he's always kicking about in hover cars and things” retorted Luigi.
“Just another reason to dislike him in my opinion. He keeps changing his name all the time too, to make himself seem grand. His real name is Frank you know?”
“Hahaha no its not.” Laughed Luigi.
Mario continued “I heard from Donkey Kong, who had been speaking to Toad, who said he'd been speaking directly to his aunty. His real name is Frank, I'm telling you!”
“It is not.” Luigi maintained “I dont know Mario, it starts as facial hair envy, and soon you're believing every whacky story you hear. Don't believe anything thats come from Toad, the guy wears a mushroom on his head...He's the same person that claimed Mushroom Kingdom was made up of something called pixels and polygons-yeah nice one Toad...I like to make up words too!!!”
At the end of his rant Luigi rolled around laughing.
Seeing this Mario became defensive “Im not jealous of his ’tache. I'm just saying, thats all.”
Luigi composed himself, “ok brother, fair enough, I
would say though that its good that you and Kong get along these days, I used to fear you two would never be friends when he would spend his evenings throwing barrels at you!”
At this Mario perked up, he took a few moments to take in the scenery - everything in Mushroom Kingdom was very colourful, all bright greens, blues and yellows - the trees were somewhat oversized, but seeing them every day got you used to them.

The intrepid maintenance men moved on for while, mostly in silence, jumping from level to level, down the occasional pipe, until Luigi spoke up again:
“Mario, something’s been bothering me...”
“Oh, whats that?” questioned Mario.
“Who puts all of these platforms here?”
“Well, they seem to be leading to that floating castle there in the distance, so my guess would be Bowser.” 
“Bowser?  See, hes another one who messes around with anti gravity. At least Dr Robotnic or Frank or whatever he’s calling himself now comes up with cool floaty vehicles. What's Bowser so upset for this time?”
Mario looked down from his position where he stood on the box platform to the ground below “He said something earlier about being angry because someone cut him up when we went karting...”
“So it was the karting eh? I knew karting was a bad idea for our works night out. I did tell you... Karting always ends up with someone upset. We should have just gone back to that fast food place.” 
“Oh why do you keep mentioning food? Im getting hungry now!” Mario was sure he could feel his belly rumbling.
“Should we go for some burgers now?” Luigi cheekily asked him.
“I don't think we should, we are sort of mid mission here”
Luigi who had moved back ahead started to turn around,
“It'll be fine. We can just come back to that restart point later...come on, I’ll let you wear a cardboard hat this time”
On hearing this Mario became more interested, “Really?”, he said.
“ can proclaim yourself King Mario, or the Dungaree Overlord or whatever...”
“Will there be cake after?”
“Sure, why not?” agreed Luigi.
“Carrot cake?” asked Mario hopefully.
“After the Wario incident?!? Definitely not.”
And with that they both turned around and started back the way they came.

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