forget, forgot, forgotten ?

Alex is an really normal girl. When she is 12 she falls in love with a boy while on vacation. When they return the next summer everything is perfect. They keep in touch but over the year the contact slowly fades away. When the next summer comes around he isn’t there. In a moment of complete anger and heartbroken she deletes all the contact information. All that’s left are the pictures. Almost directly after she feels miserable. A whole year go’s by and she is sure they will never meet again, a summer passes and she stay’s home. But almost a summer later she sees a clip on youtube, and there he is. Singing on the X-factor. Will they be reunited? And does he still remember her?


15. chapter 15 - everything is so messed up.

Chapter 15 – everything is so messed up...

Apartment in London – 7; 30


There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth... urgh. I groaned. I didn’t want to wake up; I didn’t want to face the world. I was scared to open my eyes, scared that it wasn’t a dream. I was scared that I really had moved in with Mike. The feeling of my bladder almost exploding forced me to open my eyes, only to face me with reality. I didn’t care that it wasn’t a dream, I just wanted to pee. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. After I was done I sunk down to the cold hard bathroom floor. My hands felt cold against my warm head. My hair brushing my arms as I folded them over my head. What have I done? Why am I so stupid? Gosh, I really wish sense had kicked in earlier. I really wish that he isn’t here. Let Mike please be off to work already… then I remembered. He works at a supermarket, they don’t open until ten. Great, I’m in the same apartment as the boy who took away my beauty sleep for over 4 years now. A soft knock on the door ripped me from my thoughts. “Alex, I want to shower. Can you please come out?” his voice sounded warm. As if he was nice. If I didn’t know him I would have gone out immediately. But that’s where it’s different. I know him, and his past. All of it! And I know that this voice can be as cold as stone, as dark as the night. “I know you are afraid Alex, I heard you scream last night. But I really need to shower before work. I’ll be around to corner, you don’t have to face me.” this made me slightly calmer. I opened the lock and glanced around the door. I looked from my left to my right and he wasn’t there. Then I sprinted to my room as fast as I could. After about five minutes I heard footsteps in the hall leading to the bathroom. I let out my breath, of which I didn’t know I was holding. Oh god, how can I be so stupid. Moving in with the man who haunts my nightmares. And thanks to my vocals during them he knows it too. I cleaned my face and put some clothes on. No way that I was going to shower in here. Then I applied some mascara and ran to the mirror. I wore one of my comfortable outfits. A pair of ripped black pants, and oversized blood red sweater what read “FUCKER” in bold white letters.  A black and red Chicago bulls beanie and some red low converse. I liked the outfit, it wasn’t girly and it was really comfy. I always liked the word fucker; it was how I used to call my best friend Rosie. We always assaulted each other, but it was in a friendly kind of way. Tears welt up in my eyes, great.  “Alex, you do realize we have to talk at some point?” Mike’s voice backed away my thoughts once again. And this time I was really thankful for it. I didn’t trust my voice, but I couldn’t leave him in the dark. “Tonight, it has to be out of our lives I think.” My voice was shaky and I wasn’t at all sure of what I was saying. As if he could read my thoughts he spoke again. “If you are actually ready then, we’ll do it. But think it over some more.” I was even more scared of him now. His voice was nice and warm. It didn’t fit in the picture and memory of the boy who haunted my nightmares. Somehow, it felt safe and natural the fact that he was a cold hearted boy. A creepy and dark fucked up guy. In my mind it justified what he did, and him sounding different didn’t work, at all.  “I’m heading off to work. I’ll be home around four.” I heard footstep leaving the hall. Each step making me feel more and more relieved. I let out my breath as I heard the door fall in his slot. I stood up and went over to the kitchen for some dinner. How much I wanted to, I couldn’t starve myself. How many nights I had spent feeling jealous over people with anorexia. Sick mind aye? I wanted to change my body, but strength was like a myth for me. It didn’t exist at all. So I made French toast what I drowned in mayonnaise, I couldn’t stand the taste of French toast, but I ate it always. Covering up all the taste with mayonnaise. I poured in some orange juice and fell down on the counter. I don’t know why but I always liked the kitchen, and more specifically sitting on the counter. I just lay there thinking about everything. Niall, Mike, Rosie, My parents and Perrie. I stared at the ceiling while my feet lay in the sink. I turned on the tap and my body was filled with the feeling of cold water fleeting around it. I saw an unknown mobile lying on the counter like a foot away from my head. I reached out for it knocking over some bread in the process. It belonged to Mike, curiosity won and I opened it. A code, how stupid. Of course he would have a code on it! My mind told me it would be easy to guess though. Knowing him and his past I randomly tried 6969. BINGO! Oh how easy he was. I wanted to text Perrie, but not with my own phone that way she couldn’t get my number. I just hope Mike doesn’t get too pissed when he finds out. I got my own phone and typed in the number. – Heyy P-DAWGG. How was your day with jesy, jade and leigh-anne? I’m gone, so now you don’t have to worry. I found a place to stay. I’m kind off safe… Please, don’t try and contact me. I truly loved you, and Zayn and it’s no secret that I love Niall. I wish you the very best. Kisses Alex, - I sighed. Another life I had broken from. I deleted the text and the number and tossed the phone somewhere next to me on the counter. I looked out the window in the kitchen and saw that I could easily climb to the roof. I opened the window and got up. I stretched one foot out to reach a small ledge. My shoes didn’t get good grip on it but I will survive I guess. I was about to get my whole body out when the door busted open. “Alex, what the fuck are you doing? Get back inside. Don’t flacking kill yourself!” Mike screamed. His scream caught me off guard and I tumbled a little. Mike gasped and ran over, pulled me away from the window and closed it quickly. “You know suicide is never the answer right?” I laughed a little. “Hello mister overreact. I was going to the roof, I wasn’t going to kill myself dude!” he looked a little relieved. “Thank god, but you know there are stairs right?” I felt a little dumb; of course there would be stairs! I took my hand and I flinched away from his touch. A look of pain, hurt and regret flashed over his face only to be covered up with a small smile right after. He gestured with his hand for me to follow him and he led me into the shared hall trough an emergency exit. This brought us to a set of stairs outside the building. We were on the 5th floor and we walked over to the roof. The view was pretty amazing. There was grass and many, many flowers. It looked like the garden roof in high school musical. Except that there was grass, tree’s and it was a lot more sheltered of the world. “When I moved in here this was just a boring concrete roof, but the landlord told me I could fix it up.” His eyes lit up when he talked about it. I could see how much love and effort he had put in this project. “It’s really beautiful.” Was the only thing I could say. And I said it over and over again. My eyes scanned the rest of the room. I saw some goals and a football. Next to the little soccer place there were some chairs and a table. I sat down on the chair, changing the furniture into a bed. This was so not the Mike I used to know. What made him change? I had thousands of questions but most of all I wanted to know why he did it in the past. Why me, why Sofia and why Emma? He sat down next to me. “Are you ready to talk and shit?” he looked scared, as if I was going to say no. “Yeah I am. Can I ask you a question?” I didn’t wait for his answer and just continued… “Why did you uhmn… well, try to rape me?” he stayed silent for a bit, opening his mouth to speak only to close it again.

-Perrie’s apartment – London – the day before –

Perrie’s p.o.v.

Where the hell is she, the little bitch! She set my alarm at eleven but I wanted to wake up at seven! The day with the girls had been loads of fun. We had gone to the mall to shop, but ended up signing things for our fans. I still can’t believe it actually, that we had won the x-factor! Anyways… it’s very silent in the apartment, as if Alex isn’t here. But where could she be? She hasn’t exactly made friends here, according to the fact that she barely went out the door. “AAAAAAAALEX!” I screamed. There was no response. I screamed for her name over and over but she didn’t react. What if she’s hurt? I got scared. I ran towards her bedroom en almost ran through the door. I felt like I was about to faint, everything started spinning around me. All I could see was flashes of the room I was in. completely empty, she was gone. There was no trail of her, not a sign that she had ever existed. I fell on the ground hitting my head hard in the process. I saw something about 4 feet away from me. There was a box with a lock hanging open. Inside there was a note and some pictures. The note read; these are all things from my past, you belong in this set of photos. Please don’t go looking for me. Love Alex. She didn’t. Oh she didn’t. Why did she run out another life? Seriously what is her fucking problem? My body took over and dropped down. The only energy I had I used to call Zayn. I was completely devastated. “How could she! That fucking bitch. Mother fucking fucker.” Was all I managed to say before I broke down in tears. I hung up, not wanting to hear what Zayn had to say. After about 10 minutes I heard the front door open. “A-a-Alex? Are are you back?’’ no one answered. I heard footsteps running towards a room, another door bursting open. “Perrie?!” I heard Zayn scream. The footsteps travelled all the way to the door where I was behind. The door busted open to reveal a scared Zayn. “Perrie, what’s wrong?! What- oh…” he was about to ask me what happened when he saw the room I lay in. the room which was completely empty. He bends down and lay me in his arms. I didn’t even had the strength to put my arms around his neck as he carried me bridal style towards the couch. I just lay in his arms sobbing as a voice spoke, well actually four voices in unison; “what happened to her?” so he brought his brothers. Great, really great. I was so not the one who was going to tell Niall. “Well, uhmn… I don’t know how to say this. You might want to take a seat Niall.” I looked up from zayn’s chest to see four confused boys. One of them taking a seat on my chair. “So, in big lines this is what’s happened. Alex felt like she had to escape yet another life, so she left.” I guess they hadn’t told the boys yet, so three boys were still wondering who this Alex girl was. I bet they thought about all the drama she brought in their lives. Only to disappear after like 2 weeks or something. Thinking why it affected Niall so much and probably killing her for all the drama she brought with leaving AGAIN. Niall said nothing, he just sat there. His hands in his hair, with no doubt tears streaming down his face. Zayn was rubbing circles over my back to calm me down. He knew the whole story, so he knew why this was so hard. He actually knew more than Niall. I told him how Alex had experienced the whole Niall thing, and Niall still didn’t know what he had done. I felt really bad for him. But I still think that Alex has to tell it himself. It is not really my place to say anything. “So are you ever going to tell us everything about this Alex girl? Seriously dudes… all she has brought was drama, why?” I felt bad for them to. They didn’t have a clue. “We have to go search for her, she could be in danger…” Niall spoke up. “Have you tried calling her yet Perrie?” his next question directed at me. How stupid, I totally forgot. I quickly picked up my phone and dialed her number. The line beeped a few times and suddenly a robotic voice spoke up… “The number you have dialed is no longer in use.” The bitch was one goddamn step ahead. The sound of my mobile stood quite loud so Niall heard. I think at this point Louis had enough. “We are not going to search for that drama queen unless you have a good reason!” he practically yelled in Niall’s face. This time Zayn spoke up. “Perrie met Alex in the train. She was on her way do to something stupid, but had no choice. Perrie gave her a choice to move in. she moved in. Perrie joined the X-Factor. Alex self-harmed. Alex had a hard past, like really hard. Niall had a big part in her past. A really painful part. She saw Niall again at the X-Factor finale and ran, right into the arms of Mike. Mike is a boy from the past who had tried to rape her at a very young age. Perrie found her, Niall did to. You were all there, when Niall tried to beat that guy. Then Alex ran away from her new life here because she felt unwanted and her past chased her. With that she meant Niall and Mike returning in her life.” He practically said that in one breath. Pretty accurate story. Louis was about to speak up when suddenly Niall screamed; “SHE SELF-HARMED. YOU KNEW, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” his voice broke completely as he broke down crying. “It was because of me wasn’t it? It was because of that summer right?” after that all he could do was sob. So this little outburst from Niall confused Louis again, as he knew nothing about the summers. “So this girl is all drama. But since you three seem to care deeply about her we are going to help. But I still want all the details sometime!” he spoke for all of them. I felt myself getting sleepy. It was almost quiet apart from Niall’s sobs. Before I knew I was asleep.


The next day – Perrie’s apartment

Still Perrie’s p.o.v.


So we woke up around 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I guess I fell asleep on the couch in Zayn’s lap. I saw Niall curled up in a ball, and the other three boys were nowhere to be seen. I smelt bacon and eggs from the kitchen. My body felt heavy from all the crying, and my bad night sleep. I walked over to the kitchen, loosening my muscles. How sore I felt. In the kitchen I spotted Harry making breakfast and Louis sitting in a bar stool by my counter. “Good morning Perrie!” Louis said happily. Seriously, it’s impossible not to smile back at that boy. “Sweet little Haz over here is making me some breakfast, want some to?” I nodded eager. The smell of all that delicious food made my tummy rumble. A felt a blush creeping up my cheeks as I tried to make it shut up. I ate my breakfast quickly, because really. I had no desire to eat, at all. I went on with my morning routine, being ready at half past three. Niall, Zayn and Liam had woken up when I was ready. All having had breakfast and just sitting in the living room. I was seriously forgotten Alex for a minute as my phone suddenly lit up. – from; unknown - – Heyy P-DAWGG. How was your day with jesy, jade and leigh-anne? I’m gone, so now you don’t have to worry. I found a place to stay. I’m kind off safe… Please, don’t try and contact me. I truly loved you, and Zayn and it’s no secret that I love Niall. I wish you the very best. Kisses Alex, - the tears welt up in my eyes as I tried to relative the text I just got. Niall couldn’t see it. Zayn, yeah Zayn. I had to show it Zayn. I walked into the living room not really noticing the tears that were streaming down my face. I felt my balance slip away, about to tumble to the ground. Why did this whole Alex thing make me so weak? Urgh, I inwardly groaned as my balance was gone and I fell. My phone slipped out of my hand. Zayn being the boyfriend he is running up to me, and taking me in his arms. “Get my phone, Niall can’t see!” was all I managed to say. I stopped dead in my tracks as I lifted my head. Oh god! Why did I have to fall! Niall was sitting on my floor, my phone in his hands muttering, almost screaming. And sobbing, most of all. Better to say full on crying. “She loves me! She still loves me! I screwed up, but she loves me! She is gone...” he kept rambling over her. This girl was going to be his downfall sooner or later. Really, I could see him starting to crack already. His smile not being genuine ever since she returned. My worries turned onto anger. I just needed to punch something, someone really hard. I started hitting Zayn in the shoulder. Kicking screaming, just letting all my anger out. “Hush now, it’s going to be alright ok? Trust me.” he cooed in my ear. It calmed me down, leaving me to sobbing only. “No time to waste here dumb peasants! Get ready for some CIA works…” Louis spoke, sounding happy. I looked over to him, nobody understands except for harry. The two boys grinning widely at each other. “What loubear here wanted to say was actually; we can track the phone to his owner and where it is!” suddenly it clicked in my head. We all jumped in Louis’ car ready to go. The ride towards some buddy of Harry who could do it was weird. Niall being sad and crazy happy. Zayn being worried. Liam just quiet and Louis and harry being excited. We entered the House of Frank. He was the guy to trace the phone. We sat in his living room, relaxing while he was busy in the other room. He came back after like ten minutes, although it felt like hours. “I have good news and bad news. Good news is I have the owner; bad news is that I couldn’t track it. If I want to track it I’ll need like three hours…” my hopes were down. I mean, the name would never be enough, really. But it was our only chance I guess. “So the phone that was used belongs to some Mike Jansen.” The name was enough to make all our faces drop. Mike, could be any Mike right, it wasn’t her Mike, but the last name was so Dutch. The look of horror on niall’s face was indescribable. The whole room was silent. She moved in with Mike, THE FUCKING MIKE WHO SHE CRIES ABOUT AT NIGHT EVERYTIME. Where were her brains? HOW THE FUCK COULD SHE DO THAT. SHE IS SUCH A STUPID BITCH! “I completely agree Perrie…” niall’s broken voice said. I just said that all aloud. Damn, I really need to not do that anymore… but that’s not the point. SHE IS WITH MIKE, IN HIS APARTMENT…


A/N; helloo guys! Did anyone of you know with who she was already? I really think it was like the most stupid choice of all, annoying kid. Anyways, I really enjoy writing this story. I hope you enjoy reading it just as much! I was away for a week, and since I’ve been back I didn’t have the energy to write and update. I’m sorry if don’t like waiting (I know that I hate it) anyways… I’m back now, but upcoming weeks I won’t be able to post as frequently as I did before my little break. It’s just that my school work is really important right now. And I want to take the time to write some good chapters, like… if I write too much and if I want to write to fast it ends up bad. And if I just take my time it turns out slightly better.

Much love, xoxo.

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