750 word story

This is a 750 word story that i have written for school. Please Tell me what you think :)


1. story

By the time I reached the train station, she was gone. I rushed around, frantically shoving through the crowds. I arrived at the outbound train and stared through the windows, hoping to see her, even for a second. I saw her on the last carriage of the train but by that time I couldn't get on myself. It was still very crowded. I calmly walked over to a bench and dumped myself on it. I had just lost my girlfriend. Again.


Five minutes later the station was almost empty. I went up to the notice board which displayed information about train times and locations. I saw that the train she had just boarded was bound for somewhere I didn't know. However there was another train going there in ten minutes so I made my way over to the ticket machine, purchased a ticket, then sat back down to wait.


After ten minutes the train arrived, and to my amazement, was on time. I quickly boarded and now, two hours later, I found myself on the welcoming platform of some place I had never heard of. I hurried out of the station and looked around. The place was very quiet and nobody was about. I had no idea what to do next when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered the call. It was my girlfriend. I was a little surprised that she was phoning me so soon after the argument we had recently had. However, it was the fact that she didn't speak which seemed rather weird. On answering I heard a strange male voice shouting 'Shut up you ugly bitch!' A moment later he must have realised that I had answered and he started talking to me. "I have your good for nothing girlfriend. I know you’re in town.  If you ever want to see this piece of dirt again you will come to Hyndsback Alley.” Those were the only words he spoke before cutting the connection. I had a really bad feeling about this.


In a short while I found my way to Hyndsback Alley. I entered the Alley cautiously and I looked around as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. At the far end of the Alley I could just make out two shapes. I figured that it had to be my girlfriend and the other person. I approached them, feeling nervous. I moved as near as I dared then stood still until he noticed me. He stood up, pulling my girlfriend up by her hair at the same time. I could hear her whimpering but she didn't cry out like I had expected. He dragged her behind him until he was close to me. I fought the urge to take a step back. He yanked her by the hair until she was forced into a standing position. He then took a gun and put it to her forehead. He looked at me with an evil glint in his eye. "The only reason this thing is still alive and you are standing there is because she begged me. She told me that you could persuade me to not kill her. So here is your chance. Go ahead." By saying this he placed a large burden on my young shoulders. I couldn't think of anything to say. He held out five fingers starting a count down. Four. Three. Two. My mind went blank. One. "Wait!!" I started to say, but I was a second too late. He had pulled the trigger.


My girlfriend collapsed to the ground in a heap. I dropped onto my knees and wept. The man started laughing harshly as he walked away. Once he was gone I crawled over to her body and something amazing happened. I heard her moan..... She was alive!!!

Of course! I remembered when she was younger her head had been smashed open in a severe accident which required the insertion of steel band in her skull. The bullet could not have penetrated her brain so no fatal injury was inflicted. Relieved and overjoyed. I helped my girlfriend up and called for medical assistance.



The next day’s news reported that someone had committed suicide. They had left a note saying 'I killed her.'


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