Dear diary....Love,Harry

Bacially just 18 year old harry writing about his life to his diary. About drugs, bulling, love, cutting, alcohol, sex. Anything.


1. 02-03-2012


Dear diary,

It's me again, harry. I know it have been quite a while but I have a boring life you know. And I thought I grew to old for this sort of thing...writing a diary when you are 18 is a little weird. Especially when you are a boy ain't it? I don't know I just like writing to you. Even tho no one answers back, it's just nice I guess. I wanted to tell you something. Because I have really no one else to tell, yes I'm still alone.


But it doesn't matter does it? Maybe it does. It probably does. To be lonely. 


Well I got friends you know, but they ain't real, or well they are nice enough I guess. They push me around and steal my glasses, maybe I should get contact lenses. They make fun on my curls. Maybe they have gone a little to long, but I don’t like to cut them. I guess it aint that big of a problem, my friends.


Or maybe it is. Diary I think I need help, I think things I shouldn’t, and I’m starting to take it more and more serious. Maybe I should just do it you know, it will make me happier wont it?


But what about mum then, she would be so sad. She worries enough anyway about me, especially when I arrive home with a black eye. She always takes care of me, and I like it. It makes me feel just a slight bit better, that mum loves me you know.


It just feels nice that she cares so much about me, it makes me think one more time over the things I’m thinking of doing. They suicide things and so, the cutting has gotten much better.  I know it’s bad, and stupid. But it sort of helps, I think it’s just the pain, that’s getting out of me in some sort of way.


But I guess I should stop, or tell mum about it so she can help me.


My life is just shitting right now. Fuck ....a tear drop just ruined that. Sorry. I'll stop crying now. Sorry.


Mum got set up for me, to meet a friend of hers son, because of her worries, and she knows my friends in school doesn’t treat me well. 


Louis, I think he was called. Yeah, Louis Tomlinson. Said in the French way, like loui. Not lewis.


He is really beautiful, but it was only a brief meeting. When I say really beautiful I mean it like a lot.


He has such a friendly smile. Like they are so bright, and he gets small wrinkles by the sides of his eyes. It's just so beautiful.


But was just so friendly, toward me. And he sort of asked me out today. I don't know if I'll go. What if he is just laugh at me? Because he doesn’t think I’m cool enough? He told me that his friends might come as well.


I’m scared.


Maybe I should just get ready and tell you about it tomorrow, it’s not like I have to see him again if he is- you know a prick.


I’ll see. He is here now.


Love, harry.




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