Not the Same

As a child, she had an easy life. A family that loved her, classmates that admired her, and friends that cherished her. After her older sister's death and her best friends' sudden move out of the city, nothing felt the same for her, both physically and mentally. Growing up, she learned how to hide her pain behind her smile. 9 years later, sixteen year old Carter Smith is excited for her friends to come back. But with a new school year comes new classmates. Will the new guys who call themselves JML change how she feels about the friends she has now?
please be warned that this is my first fanfic so... hope you like it :) COPYRIGHT (c)


14. I Wish I Were You

Carter's P.O.V.

At lunch, Alexandra and I ate our lunch outside. For the first time, I could finally eat my lunch without people eating all of my snacks. I swear, if felt like lunchtime at elementary school whenever I eat with the boys.

"Oh my goodness, did you watch Shinee's performance of "Dream Girl" last night on MTV?" Alex asked.

"Um, are you dumb? Of course I did! It was so awesome! For me, the best part was when Onew spinned on the microphone stand," I squeeled.

"Sometimes, I imagine they they're singing to only me," she confessed.

"Same here. That's the life of a fangirl for you. Ok, back to the serious questions. Have you ever been in love?" I whisperd in her ear. At that moment, JML came running across the field.


Lewis' P.O.V.

Making our way towards Carter, I could see a girl sitting beside her. As we got closer, I could see that it was Alexandra Ferguson. All of a sudden, I could feel heat rising up from my cheeks. What was this?

"Carter! We're here to eat lunch with you!" sceamed Gabriel running up to her. Sometimes, I really wonder how he's a boy. Since were kids, he's always been so cheerful. Sometimes it's disgusting.

"Hey guys! I thought you were staying out of school the whole day for the competition?" Carter said.

"Yeah, I thought so too. It ended quicker than we expected. Actually, we answered all of the questions so that helped," replied Damian pushing his glasses higher on his face.

"Jjang! Look what we got! Haha, we got first  place," exclamed Chris pulling a trophy out of his backpack.

"Really, I don't know why I hang out with you. You guys make me look even more stupid with each passing day," Carter said.

"Then why don't you just get smarter?" I retorted. Without warning, another hurful remark came out of my mouth. Turning my head the other way as to not see her hurt expression, Aiden punched me on the arm. I deserved it.

"Lewis, do you have to spoil the mood like that? Don't worry, Carter. I'm sure he doesn't mean it," Zelo said taking his place on the other side beside her.

"It's okay. I'm used to it," said Carter putting on her best smile. "Oh, yeah. I forgot to introduce you guys to someone. Guys, this is Alexandra Ferguson. She's in our homeroom and science class. Alex this is-"

"Oh, I know. Zeland, Chris, Damian, Aiden, Gabriel, and Lewis," she said shyly. When she said my name,  I swear I saw a hint of pink creep onto her cheeks.

"Hey, that was my line," Carter pouted at her.

"I'm leaving. I'm going to go study in the library. I'm going to leave right after school so don't wait up for me," I said.

"This guy. After 6 years you'd think we could understand him," I heard Chris say. And that was the truth. No one could understand me. As I  entered the library, I took my place by the window. Unexpectedly, it had a perfect view of them. There they were, laughing and playing around together. Unlike me, they don't have to constantly study to keep their grades up. Unlike me, they didn't have to be compared to anyone. Unlike me, they could still act like kids. 


Once the bell rang signaling the end to another school day, I quickly made my way home. Frederick and Julia were supposed to come home from university today. Unlocking the door to my house placed between Damian and Aiden, I went inside to see only my mother home. 

"Lewis, is that you? You're home from school early. I heard that you did a mathletes competition today. How did it go?" she asked me as I made my way past the living room.

"It went well, mom. We're going to regionals," I said taking out my trophy they gave each member of the winning team. Getting up from the sofa, my mother made her way towards me.

"Good job. But next time try to join an individual competition. You don't want other people to think you won and got help from other people.  If you work harder, then maybe you'll do even better than Frederick and Julia," she said taking my trophy and placing it on the glass cabinet third row between Frederick's Carl Friedrich Gauss Prize for mathematics and Julia's Global Environmental Citizen Award. Tired of hearing about the two of them, I started walking up the stairs leading to my bedroom.

"Where are you going?" She asked me.

"Studying," I responded. Whether if it was the beginning of the school year or close to the final exams, it was always the same routine. Shutting my bedroom door, I turned on my desk lamp, took out all of my textbooks and placed them one ontop of the other on the desk. I couldn't get my mother's words out of my head. Frederick and Julia, it's always about Frederick and Julia. I hated it. I hated them. I hated being compared to them. I couldn't stand them. No matter how hard I try, I can never match them. Just like the rest of JML, all this, studying, learning, writing, comes naturally. Family members, friends, or not, I need to beat them. I wish I were them. I don't want to be less than them. I don't want to be compared to them. Opening my history textbook to the assigned pages to read for homework, I could feel the stress choking me with every page I turn.  






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