Sorry Mum, I'm a Lesbian

Harmony lives in a Catholic household in a Church of England society, and has never found it easy. But when she discovers she's a lesbian, she has to lead several different lives at once to cover up secrets that would make her friends and family ashamed. Her already complicated life starts getting harder to handle, so she asks herself: 'Would it hurt anyone to tell her sister?' She does, and that move gets her life spinning out of control. Can Harmony pull the right strings to untangle her knotted life?


25. Home

I dont remember much of the fight, I know it was Mrs Jackson who stopped Zoey from hitting me, I don't remember getting home or into bed which is where I now am.


I roll onto my side and see my father sat in my rocking chair just staring at me, immediately panic sets in, I have never spent more than 2 minutes alone in the company of my dad - we never did master the father daughter thing.

I ache everywhere and I know it is my fault so I won't complain.

"Shall we start from the beginning?" He asks and patiently waits for my answer.

I want to tell him everything.

This man is my dad.

I should be able to trust him.

I am his daughter.

I am also a lesbian.

The bible "teaches to love thy neighbor".

The bible says nothing about homosexuals.

So why does my family disprove?

"How much do you know?" I ask hesitantly.

"I think Mrs Jackson rather put her foot in it for you." He says.

I can't read his voice I am unsure as to whether he is angry, upset, worried. I feel sick and i'm sure that if I could I would run away and never come back. I feel my heart race faster and faster until... everything stops and slows only for a moment, before picking back up to normal speed.

"I'm so so so sorry dad! I... I didn't mean it... it was an accident."

"Honey, why are you apologizing? It isn't your fault."

Then he just looked at me, did nothing but stared at me.

"That's it? No shouting? No, think of what Jesus would do? No, you have been tempted by the devil?" I yell at him.

"Why would I do that? I have seen your face at church, you couldn't look less interested." I thought I was good at hiding that "I won't deny it I am ashamed" That hurt. "but you are my daughter and I care for you." He never said love. "Your mother doesn't know, and I don't intend to let her, I am prepared for this to stay between you and I if you consider this." 

With that he handed me a leaflet...

a leaflet that broke my heart...

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