This is a story about Cheetah & Luce, two persons who are different in every aspect but love. Do you want to read the story about Cheetah & Luce and marvel at that universe, where you're always in danger and possibly close to love. So close, that you can burn yourself. So close, that you become confused. So close, that you don't know what to choose?
If you want this and much more, do read this story, and do not hesitate to leave comments, be they deep criticism, hate comments or slightly more resigned comments. This world is full of wonders, and I am not one of them :p

Just an afterthough;
We follow Luce & Cheetah in the past and the present. As in, before they meet, and after they meet and the happenings after.

Another afterthought:
How do you like the cover?

Another afterthought:
How do you (not) like the ending?

I would really, really like a real review of this story and some constructive criticism.
Thank you.


19. To wonder. To ponder. To never find peace



I am asking a simple question.

It seems so simple.

Who's right?

Does it matter?

Does it really matter?

And I find myself empty of words.

As if I've never come upon them.

As if the words are foreigners to me.

And I ask myself.

Again and again.

And again.

And I fear.

I panic.

I ache.

Who's right?


Does it matter?


To miss someone like hell, is not a question.

It's a burning in your heart.

It's a fire.


When I lie in my bed, I wonder.

Is he safe?

What is he doing now?

Is he thinking about me?

Has he forgotten me?

Will he ever forgive me?

Do I want him to forgive me?

Will I ever see him again?

Will my heart always feel empty?

Will I always give my mom a fake smile?

Will I always be full of secrets, untold?


... Did she get home safely?

Did her parents discover her wet pants?

Does she hate me?

Will she ever understand?

... Are questions passing by.

Other questions make me furious and angry and remind me.

Of love.

Is her hair up or down?

Has she changed her shampoo?

What is she wearing now?

Is she trying to forget me?

Is her voice still like a melody?

Are her lips still soft?

Will they ever smile again?

And questions again. Of something. Anything. Grasping.


Do you hate me?

It's ok to say my name, if you want.

Are you with another boy now?

Have you changed?

Does it matter?


Sometimes, when I lie awake, I cry.

I remember his soft hands.

His smiling eyes.

His mouth.

I fall then.

For him.


And I hate myself.


Does it matter?

I sometimes find myself asking him.

Are you with another girl?

Are you trying to forget me, or am I already gone from your mind?

Do you wonder, like me? Or have you stopped thinking about me?

Are your heart as empty as me?

Sometimes, I can't sleep at all, and when I sleep, I have nightmares.

Do you dream about me?

Because I dream about you.

Painful dreams.

But you're always there.

And just as I am going to take your hand, you disappear.

And I wake up.

My cheeks wet.

Sometimes, when my eyes wander, they settle on the window.

And I find myself remembering.

That time.

Our hands matched in size.

Yours was much bigger than mine.

We fit.

Do we still fit, I think?

And always, there is a burning inside me.

A hunger.

Did we call it love?

It's always inside me.




And waiting.

Day by day.

Until it all goes blurry.


Are you with Dean now?

Have you forgotten me?

Do you like Dean?

Is he better than me?

Will you be satisfied by the lack of danger?

Do you like living in peace with him?

Does he love you as much as me?

Do you love him more than you loved me?

Do I want to know?


Everyday, I find myself taking my phone in my hands.

Everyday, my eyes will touch the screen.

Everyday, I ask myself, why I am not writing.

I can call him.

I can write him.

I can tell him sorry.

I can tell him I love you.

I can tell him I miss you.

I can tell him so much.

But I fear the absence of his answer.

So I let my phone leave my hands, defeated.

Because I am not strong enough to handle a painful truth.


They tell me, that you aren't smiling.

They tell me, that you look distracted.

They tell me, that you look depressed.

As for me.

I see you everywhere.

I see you on the street.

At my school.

Waiting at my locker.

In my thoughts.

In my mind.

Behind my eyes.

I see you where the girls are lacking.

I see your true smile, whenever one of them smiles.

I see your eyes, whenever someone looks at me.

I feel your lips, whenever someone pouts at me.

I see you everywhere.

I have fought much to keep the words inside me.

But it is getting harder and harder still, to suppress.

To hide the words from the truth.

But they are the truth.

I miss you.

Oh God, how I miss you.


I wonder, if you will give me a second.

To explain.

I wonder, if you will let me open my mouth.

To talk.

I wonder, if you will look me in the eyes.

To see. The truth.

I wonder, if we will ever meet again.

To know.

I wonder, if we will ever see each other again.

To remember.

I wonder, if we will ever glimpse each other on the street.

To ponder.

Is it worth it?


When I glimpse you on the street, my heart explodes in my chest.

And I wonder.

When I glimpse you in the window to my room, my mind goes still.

And I remember.

When Dean touches my hand, I feel your fingers on me.

And I wonder.

When Dean leans down to give me a kiss, on my cheek.

I remember.

When he touches my shoulder, to touch me, I freeze.

And I wonder.

When he calls me on my phone, I only hear your voice.

And I remember.

When he takes me out, to feel free to touch me, the tears fall in my heart.

And I wonder.

When Dean makes himself comfortable beside me, I flinch.

And I remember.

When Dean makes a move, I don't want, I scream. Let me go.

And I wonder.

When Dean and I argue, I hate him so much.

And I remember.

How I always loved you, when we argued.

How you always asked my permission, to touch me.

How you always put your shoulder around me.

How you always asked me where I wanted to go, to please me.

How you always called me, to reassure me.

How your touch was always lovingly soft and careful.

How your lips made my lips melt away and embrace you.

How my hand in yours was a declaration of luck to you.

How you always...

How you never...

Failed to make us one.

How you always...

How you never...

Made me feel empty.

How you always...

How you never...

Let me go.

How I betrayed your trust in me, when I failed.

To understand you.

How you always...

How you never...

Failed to understand me.

How I always...

How I always...

Betray your trust in me.


I want to tell you.


Whatever I said to you.

Never ever was the truth.

I want to tell you.


I miss you like hell.

I want to tell you.


My love to you.

Never was a question.

I want to tell you.


Whereever you are.

I always think about you.

I want to tell you.


You're always in my heart.

I want to tell you.


Despite what I told you.

I want to hear my name.

From you.

I want to tell you.


Despite what I told you.

I will never forget you.




This bridge of nothingness is stretching.

Filling up every possible corner.

With a hollow wind.

Screeching its agony.

Throughout the emptiness of memories.

Calling for help.

The emotions transparent as glass.

Empty of any notion.

Not even solid to the touch.

This bridge of nothingness calling out.

I am only a bridge and nothing else.

I am only what you make me.

I am, but only a bridge.

And to me, you owe no devotion.


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