Keith - First Wave

Keith, a 16 year old Aussie surfer.
(Contains some Australian slang)


4. Destination Woolamai

"Hurry up Josh ! It's 8.30."

In case you have not figured it out yet, yes, I am at Josh's place and they're still here.

Apparently, Josh is taking his own sweet time. This is quite fun : although annoyed, Keith can't show it. Why ? Because Josh is a very temperamental bloke : if he gets annoyed, no one's going anywhere, and that, is not an option for Keith. Which explains the fake, pained smile adorning Keith's cake hole. Smart kid : he knows how to get what he wants.

"Cawm down, I'm coming."

Ha !

Oh yeah. I should have mentioned : Josh is lambdacistic. Quite hilarious. Every time he speaks, I laugh a little inside.

"Have you packed your wetsuit ?"

"Yes, I have. We wiw need to fiw the tank on the way though."

Ha !

"Yeah, fine."

Keith opens the front door and hops in. Being particularly acrobatic, I perform an angel's leap straight into his lap. (Believe what you will).

Slam! Josh is in. And we're off.

Seven minutes into the drive, we stopped at the bowser. 60 dollars later we embark on a journey which will change us forever, well, I will die, Keith will find himself with a Peruvian hooker and- I'm just kidding, how am I supposed to know what's coming next ? I'm not psychic, you know.

Anyhow, destination Woolamai. It is quite a beautiful place. Last time we went there (last week), Keith came back with a very attractive, 21 year old, Hungarian university student. But you know what they say, "Another week, another couple of attractive chicks for Keith to have fun with" or something similar.

The most impressive aspect of Woolamai though is the surfing. The waves are notorious for being particularly hard on the inexperienced, which in turn means they are real "surf waves", not the pissy spurts of water navigated by grommets. No, Woolamai attracted mainly two kinds of people : wax heads and tourists.

Let's see now. The GPS says we're still an hour away.

Time for a kip. I think I'll just shut my eyes- Honk!

Come on ! For heaven's sake ! Let a guy sleep would you ? It's been like five- oh. No. It's been about half an hour according to the GPS.

Still, I need my nap. Nine hours a night is nowhere near enough for someone as active as myself.

Well, no point trying to drift off again, just half an hour of sleep will only make me feel worse anyway.

Well, I'd might as well introduce Josh properly while we're waiting.

Josh is a 21 year old, svelte, brunette kid, studying marine biology at The University of Melbourne (I think). He was the runner-up at the Billabong ASP World Junior two years ago. As I said, these guys are not "baby surfers", as I like to call them. Josh and Keith met during that competition. Keith came in 9th, and for his age, that was quite impressive.

Well, that's about it, and still another 25 minutes to go. Talk about a dull ride.

Time to entertain myself. Aha ! I know, I'll slobber all over the gear box. Yes, I am quite random that way.

I innocently inch my head closer to the gear box and prepare for a massive slobbering session.

Wait, I need to time this right : wait for Josh to stop, then slobber. He hates driving slow.

Hopefully you can imagine how amusing it will be to watch his face, as he works his way up on the slick stick. (I bet that could not be made to contain more innuendo than it already does).

"Damn it ! Get your mutt off my gear box ! It's aw wet now !"

Ha !

"Shit, sorry Josh. Get back here, you shonky tail-wagger !"

Well at least, that'll be slightly amusing till we get there. I'll just stick my head out the window and be happy, shall I ?

And so I did.

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