Letters To Lei.

The first letter was for closure.
The second letter was because the first opened up so much more.
By The third letter it was routine.

Why pay for a psychiatrist, when you have a paper and pen?


2. The Second Letter.


Dear Lei,

I saw Tess at the post box, only a few yards away from school. She put an envelope on the box, and then ran towards school. I shouldn’t have, but curiosity drove me to go, and have a look. And it was addressed to you.


I didn’t know what to say. Or do.


So I crossed off the name and address and posted it back to her. I reckon that she should keep it.


I think it’s a brilliant idea though. Writing letters to the dead? I’m so up for it. And I’m really sorry that you had to go Lei. I really am.


Right now, I just want to get something off my chest.  


Why, can’t you be fifteen and have a twenty-seven year old boyfriend without being looked at?

Weird how people don't bat an eyelid at someone who's 60 married to a 72 year-old. But they can't get enough of us.

That's why we don't often go out to loads of public places.


Mark is sweet. Bless him. You would love him Lei. He always wants to go to the theme park, or the zoo. But I can't. I'm one of the most popular girls in school, and I hate that I can't be lovey dovey with my boyfriend without thinking about my friends. I lost my best friends a while ago. You and Tess.

Now the people around me are just, empty calories. They give me something to do, to eat at. But never make me feel satisfied, or quite full.


It's amazing how lonely you can feel when you're surrounded by people.

"You've got such pretty eyes Fey!"

"Where did you get that scarf? It's gorgeous."

"Fey, you are the only girl I know, who can pull off that uniform."


They don't make me feel good about myself. I want Tess, or You. Then I'd feel more like me.


But I'm happy with Mark. And his sticky out belly. I love him, I do. And as soon as I get my qualifications, we're gonna move to a little cottage by the sea. 

I've always liked the sea.

For now, I'll make do with a semi-detached in the middle of town.


Yes, I live with Mark.


My parents kicked me out after I brought Mark home. They told me to dump him or get out. I chose the latter.


Mark doesn't mind having an extra mouth to feed. He has more money than he knows what to do with, and not enough cuddles. He's an accountant, but I swear, he is way more interesting than he sounds. He's an in the closet poet, and he plays the oboe.

I'm satisfied, and it would be selfish to ask for more.

Let's hope that one day, we can be happy.

Hollywood happy.

So happy that whoever passes us by, wants to punch us in the face.


I know what you’re thinking Lei. Another boyfriend? Really? But I’ve been with him ever since you moved. I just didn’t get round to telling you. He’s my longest boyfriend so far. And I know why.

I really do love him.


Sorry for the little rant. You know me; I can’t concentrate fully until everything that’s swirling around inside me is gone.


I went to your funeral. Tess wasn’t there. I think she really wanted to go. It’s just her bloody parents.


I really want to Mark to adopt her or something. We were best friends for ten years, I know her. And I know she’s not happy. I want to do something, but I know Tess will never fully let go. It’s not her and she wasn’t raised like that. She’ll just run back to her parents.

She doesn’t know any better. But she knows much worse.


Right now, I want a giant sugar sprinkler. I want to go around sprinkling sugar on reality. I hate peanuts. I love peanut M&Ms. You know why Lei? Because everything tastes so much better, when you add sugar. Even harsh, bleak reality.


From Fey 




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