Chasing Memories

Lonely and unhappy, Serena begins to delve into the depths of her mind to find the memories which made her happy. But the more time she spends looking back, the less she spends looking forward and gradually she finds herself losing the grasp on what's real.

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3. Watching

She sat watching the raindrop trickle gently down the windowpane, watching as it joined another and they slid to the ground as one. She counted the seconds until she could sleep; the only escape from the world. The hum of the teacher talking endlessly became a dull mumur in the back of her mind as she observed the others in the class. She watched the two girls who wouldn't stop talking, the boy asleep on his desk, the couple linking fingers under the table and the two boys throwing bits of paper at the bin. She felt angry. Their happiness frustrated her. Why were they allowed to be happy when she wasn't? How could they laugh and joke while she sat and cried?

She knew why.

Because they didn't notice. Who would notice one girl? One more girl in a sea of others. Who would care? She let her mind drift slowly to thoughts of a time long ago when simple things made her laugh until her stomach ached, when things were easy. Soon enough, the end of the lesson came and she was free to go. She scuffed her feet along the gravel watching each stone roll gently away from her, her mind as always, somewhere else. Abruptly she was snapped from her trance by a soft touch on her back. She whirled around to find him looking directly at her. His blue eyes pierced into her own and she found she couldn't look at him. Sensing her embarassment he quickly handed her the case for her glasses which she must have dropped and hurried away. She stared after him feeling bewildered and lost. She began to remember what he did to her, the way he used and betrayed her, but quickly pushed it out of her head before the emotions overwhelmed her completely. She shook her head to clear her mind and started walking away from him and the memories he brought back . She began to think which memory she would pick tonight. Where she wanted to go. She sighed contently as she considered her options. She was happy, even if only for a second.

 

This is why the past is easier. You can chose the happiest moments and forget the worst; live again. But better.

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