You are not alone.

I want to turn the world around.
I want to make a difference.
Did you know that there are roughly seven billion people in this world, the planet Earth? Everybody is trying to live without living just for the sake of living.
Whether it's the sweet smell of her neck, the satisfying ring of the cash register, the stranger on the 907 bus who smiles at you from time to time or even the ploppety plop of a broken tap. You live for it. What's the point of going on otherwise?
Go a step further. Do you have something you'd die for? Do you really deserve to live if you don't have anything to die for?
Or are you out there wondering? Like a good 6.9999 billion others.. What am I here for?
Well, I want to light up the world.
Nothing more, and definitely nothing less.


10. Close Proximity

"Have you ever loved someone?"

That question was out of the blue. Just thrown into the deep end. Mike Noah was seemingly engrossed with driving and couldn't hear us, Eliza was asleep, and it was just Benji, Boy and I at the back, telling spooky urban legends. Well, I thought we were telling urban legends, but unless that question was a genius introduction to the scariest story of all time, apparently we'd changed topic.

"Come again?" I had to ask again because I was hoping I heard wrong.

"Have you ever loved someone?" No such luck. He said it slowly, and deliberately, eyes focused ahead. His green eyes didn't waver for one single second. I found myself wishing, for the umpteenth time, that he could see me, and know exactly how I felt about being asked such a question.

It wasn't too personal, as such, or even embarrassing. I just realized that we'd never talked about that sort of stuff. Benji hadn't ever felt the need to mention it, and neither did I. Considering the amount of things that we'd talked about, you'd think that it would have popped up at least once. Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose.

"I don't think so. I don't think I have ever really loved someone. But I don't take the word lightly, I suppose".

"Never?" There was some sorrow in his voice. I definitely heard it in there.

"Nope." I was intrigued as to why he asked me that. Of all questions, "How about you?"

"I've had a fair amount of unrequited love, and given a fair amount of it too." He chuckled, "I haven't seen myself in a while, but rumor has it, I'm still a handsome devil."

I giggled nervously, it didn't seem like the conversation for banter. Unrequited love? Benji Lee was such a mystery. He always has been in my mind. That's why I wasn't scared of him, he was far too interesting to ever be scared of.

"Tell me about your first love then."

He smiled sheepishly, I could tell that he knew that question was coming. 

"She was pretty. Not quite beautiful, but close enough. She'd always been nice to me." His voice cracked slightly, not with emotion I don't think, probably with puberty, "I'd been watching her for quite a long time. She had jet black hair, that came all the way down to her lower back, a button nose and hazel eyes. I thought we'd be good together, but apparently I thought wrong."

Without realizing, my whole body had leaned forward, I was grasping, no latching onto every word that Benji Lee uttered. "Well what happened then?"

"She just rejected me. Never told me why. I didn't really see her again"

"That's it? No first kiss?" Needless to say, that was an anti-climax I wasn't expecting.

"No kisses. That was it. I didn't feel too disappointed, after a while." He tilted his head slightly, "Love works that way. Most things work that way. It's probably there to start with, but if you don't nurture it and make it grow into something more spectacular, it just dies. Remember Perce, that you can find the perfect guy for you, but if you don't keep at it, you'll never work together."

I nodded my head, it made sense, "If you don't keep in close proximity to someone, you'll just forget them?"


A few moments later, I looked up into the rearview mirror, and saw Mike looking at me. He quickly looked away, but not quick enough for me not to notice a tear in his eye.

"Guys! We're here!" Mike violently shook Eliza, and I noticed that his voice had cracked.

And the crack that I heard, was definitely a crack of emotion.

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