So What If I Cry

The tears fall thick and fast as usual, she wonders if she'll ever stop crying. The hurt will only stop if she gets away from here. But she can't. She can't even fight back. She's too tired even to say, 'So What If I Cry?'.


8. Where The Devil Lives

The final day at school before the break up had gone by relatively smoothly, even the detentions. It was Saturday, and I was due to go to my friend, Melissa's house, after going to the cinema. To be honest, our relationship wasn't perfect, relationships never are, but this was another reason I felt bad more often than was good. I pulled my jacket on and got in the car with my mum. We didn't say a word for the entire journey, right up until the car came to a halt with my friend running alongside it.

"I've been waiting ages." Melissa whined. She walks round the back of the car and slips inside, pushing the coats carelessly onto the floor.

"Hi." I say as her mum comes up their drive, and gets into the front passenger seat. We all make sure our seatbelts are on, and set off. I'd say it was a peaceful ride, but Melissa insists on playing this stupid song all the way there, and keeps asking me if I like it. After about the tenth time, I say. "I've told you already, I don't like it, but I don't dislike it."

"Yeah, but do you?" She demands. I ignore her and turn towards the window, irritation bubbling inside me.


We'd reached the cinema, the tall grey building towering over my mum's considerably large car.

"Come on!" Melissa squeals and sprints slightly ahead of me. Inside, we bought our popcorn and found our screen room. We were sat in the middle-the VIP seats. The movie passed pretty quickly, and we all enjoyed it, despite that annoying set of little children behind us, who decided they'd rather throw Coca Cola at us than watch the movie.

Back at Melissa's house, we ran straight upstairs, turning on the laptops. Yes, there were two. Together, we had a strong obsession with a certain online game. The previous day, I had suggested that we play on her Wii, and she had agreed. However, it looked to me like she'd conveniently forgotten. We were on her terms now, seen as we were in her house. She logged in, and so did I. I'd almost got lost in playing, when Melissa started to speak.

"Who do you like?" We'd been over this about a hundred times, but I wasn't going to say that.

"I don't like anybody." I settled for. She made a strange face and turned away again. And also to you... I thought.


"Time for food!" Melissa's mum called. I checked the clock before I left the room-it was 3pm. We were eating now? When we'd just had all those popcorn and sweets? I shook my head inwardly as I descended the stairs. Following Melissa to the kitchen, I saw the two pizza trays laid out on the kitchen counter, surrounded by bowls of things I would probably not eat. I'd agreed to this on one condition, they don't force me to eat things. I walked over to my pastry base and spread the tomato puree. Melissa had started filling her pizza already, putting everything on. There's nothing wrong with that, Eleanor. I mentally berated myself. It just wasn't my thing, that was all. The evening had had a good atmosphere so far, which was an unusual change. That was, until the pizzas were on the table. I picked up a piece of mine, about to take a bite, when Melissa exclaimed.

"Ugh, that looks horrible!" I was determined to keep the mood on the positive side, so I kept my mouth shut tight.


Hours later, we were gathered downstairs, after another meal, me, my mum, Melissa, and her parents-my dad hadn't lived with us for a long time, despite his ongoing marriage with Mum. We were playing a new game, it had a timer, some cards, and pieces with a board to put them all on. We played rounds and rounds of it. I reached over to Mum's phone and press the center button.

"Wow, it's late!" I exclaimed, seeing the time in tiny white numbers in the bottom right hand corner. It was exactly midnight. Mum followed my gaze to the phone.

"Oh, we better go before we turn into pumpkins!" She joked, and we packed up. I tailed Mum all the way to the car, strapping myself into the back seat.


The next morning, I woke up, brushing sleep from my eyes. I could already hear the pattering sounds of Mum's shower. Taking advantage of her temporary absence, I hurried downstairs to get my laptop. Back in bed, and opening it up on my knee, I turned it on and logged onto my favourite site. I had some work to do today, I was writing the new chapter to my story, a collaboration with another girl. I'd got to work, and it was about twelve midday when my partner, duskgirl, came online. I hadn't finished doing the first stage, one before writing. I said I'd be a while. Halfway through finishing, I opened a new tab in my browser, onto my comment page. Nothing there. I moved onto my partner's comment page. There was a message from Melissa, her name was Lissy101.

'Lissy101-What the... She still hasn't finished that dumb thing?

     Duskgirl-Yeah, she's taking forever, probably just trying to get it done.'

I looked at Melissa's message, what business of her's was it that I hadn't finished? She wasn't even a fan! My partner's reply still insulted me, but some faith was restored by the fact she could possibly have been defending me a bit there. I posted this

'Elea44-I have actually been pretty busy today, I've had homework, which sadly, comes before play, I've been neglecting some very important friends, they needed to know I was still there, I've had to organise birthday things, I went out to eat, and I do need time to relax. I can go on. I'm trying to make it the best I can, and believe it or not, it takes a while. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, or meant to be offensive, I just need you to know this. And bear in mind, I have talked to you guys today aswell.'

I clicked submit and waited. Five minutes later, I found this.

'Lissy101-Yeah, you have had a lot to do since I am your SORT OF friend. and you'll say here's me putting it harsh! I have evidence *mwhahaha*'

My brow furrowed in confusion.

'Elea44-What do you mean? I get the words, but I don't understand the sentence.

        Lissy101-You know what I mean good an proper.'

I didn't reply.

'Lissy101-Fine, in your one of your previous messages you said I'm sort of your friend. You better watch what you're saying because you might upset someone else on the other end.'

My mind was rushing in circles by now, I didn't know what I had done.

'Lissy101-Maybe we just weren't meant to be friends. I hate you, I wish I'd never come on this site.'

Tears started to form in my eyes, and I ran upstairs. I came down a minute later, but Mum could tell I was upset. She asked me what was wrong, so I showed her the messages. She told me not to reply. Then I got this message.

'Lissy101-OMG so you've been stopped from talking to me. Well I've known you since I was 4. El... OMG OMG OMG *cries in sadness, anger and anything else except happiness*'

I ignored the message, well, at least in the form of replying.

'duskgirl-Do you want me to ask her if she'll speak to you?

       Lissy101-Yeah, you're the best friend ever.'

That was on Melissa's page. This was on mine.

'duskgirl-I'm not being mean or anything, but can you talk to Melissa, she's really upset.

        Elea44-I can't. I've been told I can't. Sorry. I don't break rules... 

             Lissy101-It's not just that its that she said that I was sort of her friend and she called me a mass sim murderer!'

I had never intentionally called her a sort of friend, she could have mistaken it from another message. And we played a game together-The Sims. She had seen the thing saying, as a joke, in my description, that she was a mass sim murderer. She had read it and laughed at it, and put it in her description! I added my reply.

'duskgirl-I'm not being mean or anything, but can you talk to Melissa, she's really upset.

        Elea44-I can't. I've been told I can't. Sorry. I don't break rules...

              Lissy101-It's not just that its that she said that I was sort of her friend and she called me a mass sim murderer!

                     Elea44-Melissa, I'm not arguing.'

Again, I submitted it and waited.

'Lissy101-If you're not arguing why say that in the first place? You *****.'

I sighed, turning my laptop off and almost crawling upstairs. I knew that it was just a simple argument, but it didn't help me either. Little did I know, the aftermath wouldn't die down in the days to come.

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