I am just different

Why nobody does accepts the fact that there can be a girl who doesn’t believe in love. Well there can be one and that’s me.


13. Mum?!

I pushed the door open and saw her lying on the floor, "Mum?" A moan escaped my dry lips and my heart almost stopped beating when Sam looked up at me.

His eyes were brimming with tears and his face was trying to tell me things I didn't wanna know. Million thoughts came rushing in my mind and the whole world felt like spinning in front of my eyes. My legs felt like disappearing. I stumbled backwards with my hands covering my mouth and suddenly lost balance, but before I could fall down someone grabbed me quickly.

The sudden jerk brought me back and I shook my head. I craned my neck to look up and saw an equally startled Troy. As soon as I gained my composure, I yanked his hands off and rushed towards her.

As I squatted down next to mom, I looked at Sam . Tears were running down and his gaze was fixed at her face, "s-she.. is... not... ," Troy quickly moved near him, putting his hands on Sam shoulder, "Calm down buddy, it will be alright," I shut my eyes very tightly to block the tears that threatened to fill my eyes. It was not a time to cry.

I quietly looked at mom's still body. She appeared to be in deep sleep, roaming in the dreamy world but who knew.... I took a deep breath and slowly stretched my trembling hands to touch her, to feel her, maybe it's the last time I am holding her. Suddenly I felt something and quickly raised my hands to her chest. I almost stopped breathing when I felt the movement of her chest underneath my quivering hands. I couldn't believe she was breathing. The thought of losing her and never seeing her again got me so damn scared that I checked again and again, she really WAS breathing.

"She is alive, you idiot," I screamed, "and you made me think... oh god," I put my hands on my head and looked up, "thank you," I was shaking by then, "thank you god,"

I looked back at Sam, anger intensifying inside me. How can he be so irresponsible? Why the hell didn't he call 911 when he knew she was alive I could have screamed at him but was taken aback when I found him looking at me like a shaken, frightened kid. Suddenly I realized how nervous he must have felt when he found her like that. All the dreadful memories of that accident must have come back.

I was not there when my dad died, but he WAS. Dad died in front of him, in his small delicate arms. It was a horrifying car crash that shattered my whole family and since then Sam was never the same, no more the fearless tiger he used to be. He became too afraid of losing us. All the times we spend together was flashing in front of my eyes. Her smile, her eyes, the way she looked at us, everything. I was badly missing her gentle touch, her soothing hand on my head. I was so sorry for every time I shouted at her, every time I lied every time I made her cry.....

I was pacing back and forth apprehensively and Sam was sitting in a chair with his head resting on his palm.

It had been couple of hours and we were now in the hospital waiting for doctors to tell us something. Mom was taken in and we were asked to wait outside the room. We could see them going in and out of that door but nobody was telling us anything.

I threw a glance at Sam and found tears trickling down his face. Whenever I looked at him, all I wanted was to hug him tightly and cry all my pains out, let the tears flow but I knew I couldn't. I needed to be strong for Sam. He was already so broken and my tears would only make the situation worse, it would only make him weaker.

I closed my eyes, trying to control all the emotions that were simmering inside, and went to sit beside him. I gently grabbed his arm and he raised his worried dark brown eyes to look at me.

"It will be alright, bro," I wiped his face with my sleeves, "Nothing will happen to mom. She can't- she won't leav...," I suddenly found myself choking. I quickly looked down and shook my head lightly, struggling hard to regain the control of myself. I sighed and turned around to find him still looking at me with so much in his eyes.

Trust for me is what I saw in his eyes, belief is what he was trying to show, and hope was what I wanted to see but couldn't. I tightened my grip and squeezed his hand. Maybe he didn't but I did, I had faith that mom won't leave us alone. We were her kid, we needed her. How could we survive without her love; without her guidance, god! she was everything for us. Tears appeared in my eyes but I pushed them away, I can't cry, I will not cry.

I knew I needed to be strong, and able to handle everything but inside I was just... I didn't know what to say, what to do to make everything... I was feeling so damn helpless and it was frustrating.

I was fighting hard inside but even my mind was not helping. It was only bringing ideas of the worst possible outcome. I was seconds away from bursting so I got up and moved away from Sam.

I was standing outside the hospital, leaning against the wall behind me. My eyes were staring at the dark, cruel sky when I realized someone's presence. I shifted myself to look at the person and standing there was Troy, "What are you doing here," I said, irritatingly.

"Where is Sam?"He asked without paying attention to what I just said.

I closed my eyes, "You know what, I need you to leave us alone Troy," I gritted, "Nothing would have happened if you just stayed away from my life,"

"What have I done?" He sounded dejected.

"What have you done!!" I opened my eyes and looked right in his eyes, "If it was not because of that stupid play, I would have never left her alone," I almost shouted, "and I am in that play because of YOU, I missed my bus because of you, I- I....," I slapped my head and leaned back, resting my head on the wall, "I don't want you here, Troy," I looked at him, my head still against the wall, "I don't want you here,"

A flick of pain crossed his eyes and he groaned, "Listen, I might be the person you hate, but I am also your brother's friend. I don't care if you want me here or not because I am here for Sam, and him alone," His eyes were red with anger and jaws clenched. He huffed and went into the hospital. I twirled around and leaned my forehead against the wall. I closed my eyes and punched the wall hard. It send a shooting pain up my arm and I winced.

Since he came, my life had turned upside down. He is always there sitting on my head and messing with me. He is friends with every single person I know, and those who aren't friends with him are ready to plunge into his icy green eye. And man!! he doesn't even need to open his mouth to irritate the crap out of me. I have absolutely no idea what to do with him.

I didn't know why but I was angry, very angry. Maybe it was the situation of mom, maybe Sam or maybe even the fact that the dickhead dared to touch me. Nobody ever touched me, let alone lift me up and hold me by waist. I knew he meant to help me but... I don't know.

But then what would have happened if Troy wouldn't have been there. Whatever the reason, at least he was there. He was the one who drove us here. Sam was not in a condition to drive and I couldn't. The least you can do is shut up, Nil.

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