I am just different

Why nobody does accepts the fact that there can be a girl who doesn’t believe in love. Well there can be one and that’s me.


23. Goodbye Nil

The air grew cold; the world went blank at the touch of his dire lips. The coldness of him transferred to mine, making my hair stand on end. The buzz, the bustle, inside and out, started subsiding as sucking the breath in, I goggled in shock.

Did we really... Is he seriously, oh my god?

My shoulder fell and for a moment, he stayed still, himself appearing too stunned to move. With our lips together we appeared awestruck, just staring at each other, trying to comprehend what the.. how the... why the... when out of nowhere, he sighed.

His sigh broke the spell and suddenly my brain started working. Before I get lost again, I tried to push myself away but paused, a bit shocked hearing the desperate groan that emerged from the back of Troy's mouth.

A surprising shiver rippled through my body as his ruthless arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me hard. Closing whatever distance that was left; his lips pressed into mine, kissing me roughly and my body reacted voraciously. The moment he touched, I felt like being on fire, every inch of me burning in his embrace. I was writhing in his arm but his strength seemed to possess me. Bit by bit he was tearing my shell and I wasn't able to do anything. All the rage, all the anger felt like melting in the heat that started to build and I wanted to scream, scream hard but not a word came out of my mouth. His lips were savaging me and my struggle seemed weak. My eyes couldn't believe what it was seeing; my body couldn't accept what it was feeling and all of a sudden...

...my knees gave in.

Falling in his arms, I had my eyes closed. The world was spinning around me and my mind was on the verge of explosion. For a moment, I just stayed in his arms, my body too tired to resist, when gradually the reality started to get a grip on me. Opening my eyes, I found him looking down at me, tensed and perplexed. So adroitly he tore me apart and now showing his concern, huh. I scoffed inside. The worry in his eyes felt stabbing my heart and groaning, I shoved him away.

Breathing heavily, I braced my trembling hands on the lift wall and turned away from him. The very moment elevator door opened and without losing a second, I rushed out. Walking fast I didn't even mind the people bumping into me. I just had to get away, away from him, away from what just happened. My body totally betrayed me and I wanted to cry, cry so much but dammit, I AM hard.

No more was I thirsty, no more I wanted to be anywhere near him. Still a bit lost, I decided to go home. I needed my bed, my books, my anything to make me not feel the way I was feeling, anything...

With my head in my palm, I sat on my bed in silence. I didn't know what to do, where to go that'll undo it all, and that was a first in my life. Never before I wanted to delete a page of my life but today, today all I wanted was to tear this day into pieces and throw it so far away that I wouldn't have to see even the shadow of it.

Grabbing a book from the bed, I furiously turned the pages and tried to focus, but was of no use. The pain was still there, eating me slowly and painfully. Placing the book on my face, I fell back on the bed. Emptiness echoed in my ear and my heart pained, "Wh...why?"

I still couldn't believe he could do that. I so misjudged him. All these time and so little did I know about him... So different was my perception but thanx to him, I now know exactly who he is, a cruel, callous guy who doesn't give a damn about anyone. Tossing the book away, I grabbed a pillow and buried my face in it, "Why Troy?" The anger built inside for so long started to come out. My breathing paced and without thinking twice, I ripped the pillow apart, "Why!!" Screaming I got up and threw all the books on the ground.

Behind those elevator doors, something inside of me broke, and the sound was still blaring in my ears. Was it the sound of my shell breaking or was it the sound of my trust....

"Why did you?!"

Grabbing the bat lying next to my bed, I smashed whatever came in my view, the vase, the pot, the lamp... everything. And when there was nothing left, I thumped on the ground, senseless. I no more had the energy to fight what was truth. The bat rolled away from my hand as I sat there in defeat. My mind was racing and I needed to calm down else I didn't know what I could have done. Looking around, my eyes rested on the crumpled piece of paper that was peeping from the pages of my notebook. Slowly taking it out, I read the words, "Just stay strong," and fell quiet.

After a long moment, I exhaled loudly. With a heavy hand smoothing down the paper, I took the jotter that was lying open in front of me. I was about to put it in when my hands stopped. The letters written on the paper matched the handwriting in the jotter and now I knew who wrote it. A sigh escaped my mouth, "I hate you..." and I crumbled on the ground, "...Troy."

Staring at the ceiling, I didn't even know who I was so angry at, him or myself? He coz he kissed me, or I coz I... trusted him.

Stretching my arms, I opened eyes as a stream of evening rays beamed on my face. "God I slept the whole day?!"

Rubbing my eyes, I sit up on the bed and yawned. I was about to lie down again when scowled, remembering why? Every bit of my being ached thinking about him, but what bothered me most was that the last thing I remembered was falling asleep on the ground. Then how did I... and turning around my eyes met with the answer.

Sitting on the ground near the foot of my bed was Troy, leaning against the bed and sleeping peacefully. His hair was ruffled, his clothes were dirty... so unlike him. He looked like a mess sleeping and I resisted something inside me.

Taking a deep breath in, I ignored him and climbed down the bed, not realizing that there were pieces of glass everywhere. As soon as my feet touched the ground, a piece pricked me and blood oozed out. "Aooo!!" I cried as the pain shot up my leg and stumbled.

"Nil!!" With a jolt Troy got up and grabbed me, "Are you ok?" He asked panting and then looked down, "Oh my god, your feet is bleeding," Before I could say anything, he bent down and held my leg in his hand, "Let me see," Raising my leg, he was about to pull the piece out when I yanked his hands off, "Stay away from me!!" "Nil it's bleeding," He said raising his worried eyes to look at me.


After a pause, he said in a quiet voice, "That can be infectious, Nil." "Oh and you care?!" I snarled, limping. "There is no need to fake now Troy,"

"I'm not faking dammit!" He stood up, his face red. "I know you don't want to see my face and I know you hate me but come on, your mom and bro is already in the hospital. Do you wanna go too-" "YES!! Actually I do," I pushed him, "But what I want concerns me, not YOU," and pointed a finger, "So stay away." Ignoring what I said, he pulled the hanky out of his pocket and again came towards me but I quickly walked back, further on the glasses and more blood gushed out.

Seeing that his fist tightened, "I am begging you Nil, don't do that to yourself," and a sarcastic laughter came out of me, "I am not going to be fooled now, you see," I then opened my room's door and scaled downstairs, leaving my footprints for him to trail.

Opening the main door, I held it open as he descended, "From now on, I want nothing to do with you."

"Listen to me Nil." He moved forward, "You are thinking wrong of me. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to-," And I held my hand up to stop him.

"At least listen to me." He kicked the wall beside him, "How can you not give me even one chance to explain myself? You have always done this, forming impression without even thinking twice." "What IS there to think twice, huh? And why should I give a chance to you when you didn't give it to me!!" "Nil, I swear I will never do anything to hurt you. If you don't remember I stopped-," "SHUT UP!!" I yelled, frustrated "Just shut up, and stop lying for god's sake. You know what; I don't want to see your face, EVER. Now, get out of here."

Crossing my arms, I turned my back towards him and waited for him to go. For few seconds, there was complete silence. Then with a loud sigh, he started walking. He had hurt me, more than anyone ever has and I couldn't forgive, not so easily.

Quietly I heard his footsteps fading away. When they completely stopped, I gingerly turned around to find an empty porch. He was gone, along with his memories.... Right then my cell buzzed and I grabbed it from sofa. It was a message, from him, and the words were;


//Goodbye Nil//

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