I am just different

Why nobody does accepts the fact that there can be a girl who doesn’t believe in love. Well there can be one and that’s me.


16. For You Mum

10 minutes still to go, and I already had enough. With my head on the table, all I was doing was checking my watch again and again. The 3 idiots kept blathering and I was trying my best to ignore it, though occasional appearance of huffing and scoffing was inevitable, and appropriate, right? I had no idea how one guy and two girls who never ever met properly before, had so much to talk about. I was feeling like the only single sensible person sitting with bunch of apes.

I looked around and saw Mollie entering. Now that's one girl who won't be interested in him, "Hey," I waved. When she saw me, I felt like her shoulders fell down. She nodded slightly and was about to turn back when I sprinted towards her and caught her arm, "Are you avoiding me?" I asked, as a startled Mollie gasped at me, "How did you-"

"I am super women," I exclaimed, "Now, answer my question," I didn't know why but I had this feeling that she was trying to avoid me. Even in the morning when I tried to talk to her, she slipped away saying, she was to meet someone.

"No," She sighed, "Why would I?" "You tell me," "It's nothing," She insisted.

I unhanded her, "There definitely is something," and crossed my arms, "What is it, Mollie?"

For a minute or so, she didn't say a word, just kept staring down. When she looked up, I was surprised to see her eyes wet, "Mollie, what's wrong?"

"I am really sorry Nil," She mumbled as her tears trickled down, "I tried but they, they don't listen to me," "Mollie, calm down first. Why do you always start crying?" I wiped her tears, "Now who are you talking about?"

She looked at me, almost pleading with her eyes, "I know you and Sam are doing it all alone, and... and I am being no help," She started sobbing, "I asked Dad... but... I am sorry I couldn't even come to visit, he doesn't allow me, Nil."

"Oh god!" I threw my head back, "Mollie, why are you so sad when I don't give a damn about it. I don't even understand why you always keep trying? They didn't care about us when dad was alive, why would they now? They even blamed my mom for his death; I would rather suffer alone than see them faking their concern. You and I both know, the only person I wanna have any contact with or talk to in your entire family is you, and nobody else,"

"You are a rose in that world of thorns...I I am sorry, I shouldn't have-" I sighed.

"No, you are right. They are thorns," She was still sobbing.

I held her shoulder, "Don't worry, we are doing fine." The bell rang, disrupting our conversation. I smiled at her, "Now go to class," and rushed to grab my own backpack, "And hey!! Forget about us being cousins. We are friends, and only friends,"

Though I appeared to be smiling, only I knew how I was feeling inside. Blood relation is supposed to be the strongest relation in world but sometimes.. it just isn't. When you try to search an emotion inside, you mostly stumble into the one you don't want to face. That was what was happening with me in rehearsals.

Bringing the twinkle in my eyes, as Miss B stated, was being difficult for me, more difficult than I thought. It was a simple scene of Fanny, Edmund and Susan sitting in cafe, talking, when Fanny had to realize that she loves him. Miss B wanted it to be effortless, but every time I tried to bring that shy girl in me, that unconscious blush, questions about our vague future emerged in front of my eyes, making my heart sulk. Nate and Greeze, sitting in front of me, were doing it perfectly but it was always coming down to me. I felt like letting all of them down and that made me angrier.

"Hey," Nate stood up, "Come on," He grabbed my hand and took me in the corner, "You alright?" "Do I look alright?" I sighed. He chuckled a little, "No, I mean what's wrong?" He peered at me, concern radiating from his eyes, but I shook my head, "Nothing," For a moment he looked disappointed, but then smiled, "If there is anything you wanna talk about, I am always here,"

"I know," I shifted my gaze from my hand, still lying in his, to his face. He looked so... cute, okay this is what I don't like about my girly brain. Sometimes, it just goes absolutely out of my control and start acting so irrational. Seconds ago I was thinking about Mum and all, now about how concerned HE is for me.

"Uh.." I shook the thought out and heaved a sigh, "It's just, I am not really-" I was cut off by a loud cough. Quickly pulling my hands away, I turned towards the sound and saw him smiling dumbly, "What?" I said in annoyance.

"Sorry for disturbing such a private moment but bee is calling you," He said staring at Nate. I looked at Nate and he smiled, "See you later," As soon as he went away, Troy leaned in and whispered, "aww.. He is so adorable," A smile tried to sneak on my face but I quickly pushed it away,

I whirled around, "Unlike you," and swatted him away from me. As he kept giggling, I scoffed and came back on the stage, and to my sulky mood too.

"Nil!" Miss B shouted from across, "Here," Sitting in one of the chairs in front of stage, she was looking angry. With heavy feet, I trudged down the stairs. I was embracing myself for another round of rebuke but to my surprise, she gently said, "Come on, sit beside me,"

As I lowered myself down on the chair, she said, "I am sorry for the way I behaved earlier. I was... really not in a good mood," I remained silent and she smiled, "You know Nil, we should never try to negate what we feel. I know what you are going through and it must be hard, very hard, but then use that hardness inside you. Use the frustration, the anger, the sadness within you. Let it come out once and for all, then you'll feel lightened. You will be able to perform better, much better," I snapped at her, surprised and she laughed, "I am not a monster okay,"

She suddenly got up, "Hey all of you, get off the stage," and turned to look at me, "Nil is singing a song for us,"

"What? No" I jumped up, "I really can't..."

"Uh-uh, no if no buts. Choose any song you want, go up there and let it flow out," She pushed me a little towards the stage and everyone started cheering. My stomach started churning and I looked at Nate. He gave me an assuring smile, you know the one with the pressed lips that make people look even more.. forget I ever said that, what really caught my eyes was the thumbs down sign Troy was flashing.

"Of all the girls in this world, you had to choose me," I sighed indignantly, and went up the stage.

With a guitar in my hand, I stood in middle of the stage, all eyes stuck on me. Many songs were buzzing in my mind, but I chose the one that absolutely felt right. I closed my eyes, shutting every light out. I saw Mom standing in front of me, smiling, just like she did when I used to sing for her. "This is for you, Mum," I whispered, and started strumming,

Everybody falls sometimes Gotta find the strength to rise From the ashes And make a new beginning Anyone can feel the ache You think it's more than you can take But you're stronger Stronger than you know

I opened my eyes,

Don't you give up now And looked around. The sun will soon be shining

Everyone was silent, You gotta face the clouds To find the silver lining.......

I closed my eyes again, letting the feeling take me wherever they wanted, I've seen; dreams that move the mountains, Hope that doesn't ever end Even when the sky is falling I've seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered Broken hearts become brand new That's what faith can do

Changing the chord, I looked at frets as my fingers moved up and down,

It doesn't matter what you've heard Impossible is not a word It's just a reason For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death When they decide to take that step Out on the water It'll be alright

Tears brimmed my eyes, and this time... I didn't blink them away,

Life is so much more Than what your eyes are seeing You will find your way If you keep believing

I heard everyone humming with me and looked up. Nate was smiling, appreciatively, Miss B had her eyes closed and was swaying with the rhythm and Troy, well I couldn't decipher what was in his eyes...

I've seen; dreams that move the mountains Hope that doesn't ever end Even when the sky is falling I've seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered Broken hearts become brand new That's what faith can do That's what faith can do

As the last bead of tear rolled down my face, I played final chords,

Even if you fall sometimes, You will have the strength to rise.....

The whole auditorium went quiet for few seconds, and then thundered with the applause. Rachel was shouting at top of her lungs, Miss B was looking at me, proudly I must say and I, well I literally was on cloud nine.

She was right; I WAS feeling light, like a feather suspended in air ready for the wind to come. Miss B came up and hugged me, "Hmm.., you sing good," She said as we backed, "I am gonna include some songs in this play," With that she rushed towards her chair.

After few minutes of this hubbub of excitement, everything went normal except me. I was.... happy, after what felt like a long time, and it felt good. Miss B was behaving more than generous to me; she even gave me a break for today. She said I could start fresh from tomorrow.

There were still two hours left before Sam was to pick me so I decided to sit and watch. I got down the stage and walked towards a chair in the back.

"I thought big girls don't cry," Someone had to burst the balloon, and who could be better than him.

I craned my neck as he flopped into the chair next to me, "Go slap the person who told you that. Everybody cries," I looked away, "but it's just now that I realized, crying doesn't always mean you are weak," "Oh really," He taunted. "Yesss," I stared at him, "Like I didn't cry because I am weak or I am scared of the future. I cried because it gave me strength, every tear reminded me of how much I love her, and how much I miss her," He peered at me, like trying to figure something out, then suddenly looked away and said, "But crying is crying,"

I scoffed, "Plz, Listen; there are two kinds of people. First who cry and accept that they cry, second, who do cry but never accept it. I come in first category, no matter what were my reasons for crying, but YOU," I shifted my torso to look at him, "I am pretty sure you come in second category," and put my hands on the back of chair.

"What NO!! pfft, I don't cry,"

"See!" I raised my brows in a 'Buddy, I know you!' kinda way, "So you never cry,"

"Yes, I mean NO, I mean.. wait," He closed his eyes in confusion, "I never cry, that's it,"

"Such a boy," I jeered, "I know you are lying," "No I am not. It's almost been; I don't know seven years since I have cried,"

I gaped at him, "Liar liar liar, no one can NOT cry for seven years, that's ridiculous,"

"Why don't you ever believe me? I am not lying.. and wait a sec," He stared at me, "Weren't we talking about YOU?" Shaking his head, he said, "You know you amaze me how you give any discussion a complete U-turn and shift it to me, every time. Even tomorrow when we were talking about-"

"Hello beautiful," Out of nowhere, Chris appeared. I frowned at first but then thought of playing along so smiled, "Hey handsome,"

He beamed at that, "Someone is in a good mood," and we both started laughing. He came and sat beside me, "That was a really good performance,"

I smiled big and said, "Thank you,"

"So, wanna go out tonight," I burst out at his bluntness and punched his shoulder, "Shut up," "Oh come on! I am serious," He said and I laughed again. I wrinkled my nose and was about to sweet scold him when Troy huffed, "Does anyone care I am sitting right here?"

We both snapped to look at him and Chris whispered, "Wow, your Mr. Arrogant is in good mood too," We both started snickering and it pissed him even more, "You know what, I was talking to her first so stuff your flirting up in your throat and get the hell away,"

I blinked at his sudden irritation and he kept glaring at me. I mumbled a "Sorry" to Chris, as he walked off. He was a very jovial guy so I knew he would not have been upset or anything, but I WAS.

"Where did that came from?" I scowled, "God, you are so rude," "What rude?!!" His nostrils flared up in annoyance, "You two totally ignored me, and how dare he call me arrogant, that bloody bast-" He trailed off as he saw me glowering.

"What's wrong with you today?" I frowned and leaned back in my chair, cracking my knuckles, and he sulked in his, crossing his arm. We didn't say a word to each other for the next ten minutes or so but then he blurted, "I am outta here,"

"What?" I snapped at him and he frowned, "Why don't you get anything in your head at once? I said I can't bear her anymore, and I am gonna bunk,"

"Miss B will be furious if she finds out," I said, almost whispering. "She won't if you keep your mouth shut twiggy, and I-" He was cut off by a fuming me, "You don't stop do you?" "Wanna see your mom," He blurted.

"Nice trick, but I am still stuck there-"

"NO seriously," He leaned closer, "wanna get out of here," My eyes grew wider when I realized what he meant, "What?! NO. Man, you will get us thrown out of this school,"

"Oh, I forgot you are Miss goody two shoes," He smiled sarcastically. I scoffed, "Don't YOU forget a lot," "Your influence, AND no," He frowned, "Nothing like that will happen. This is extra hours anyway,"

"Yeah, but if Miss B will find out..we," I faltered, "We'll be doomed, at least I WILL," "Well I am going. You wanna come or not..," His frown changed into a lopsided grin, "Chicken,"

"Hey!!" I slapped his shoulder, "I am not chicken,"

"Of course you are. See, you are even trembling out of fear,"

"I am so not scared, I am just..." "Just what?!" He blinked his eyes, "Chicken," He grabbed his backpack and stared at me not moving, "Where is your sense of adventure?"

"Aha, and that's how girls get killed," I pointed a finger at him and he looked at me like I am the dumbest person he has ever met, "Where?"

"In horror movies, duffer. Boy will say 'where is ur sense of adventure' and those beyond stupid, just like you, girls wil-" "Oh COME ON!!!" He grabbed my bag and almost threw it to me, "Now get up,"

I looked at him, and then at Miss B. She was busy in directing others and was quite involved in it.

It was true, I do wanted to see Mom, and Miss B had already given me break so.... but then it was dangerous. If anyone will tell her, uh I kept contemplating until he shouted in my ear, "NIL!!"

My hands quickly came up, covering my ears "Man!!" I cried, "You should be on top of an ambulance ," Taking few more minutes just to irritate him, I said,

"You know what," I narrowed my eyes at him, "Who gives a shit?" and grabbed my bag, "Let's go" As I got up, he grinned big, "Now, that's like the Nil I know,"

We started shifting our seat to get near the door. When we had to cross the last aisle, I abruptly stopped, making him stumble and suddenly Miss B turn. We quickly dropped in the seat next to us but thank god she didn't notice.

"What the hell?" He grumbled as soon as she turned back. "Let's be clear, if I get caught, I am going to blame it on you," I said, as a matter of factly.

"Of course, your highness" He hissed, "now shall we?"

I smiled, though I didn't want to, "I like that, you know your hi-"Before I could finish, he pushed me and said, "Let's just get out of here for now," And with that, we ran down the aisle towards who knows what....

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