Harry Rotter

Harry Potter? No, silly, it’s Harry Rotter! HARRY – Oh, she is a ROTTER! I wrote this story, this skit, for a bit of fun, that’s all, but so many of you asked me to publish it, I felt obliged to do so. Who am I to say no to such desperate pleas? Harry is a girl and a bad one at that! Her real name is Harriet. From an early age she insisted that everyone call her Harry. She has lost her Magical Marbles and enlists the help of her cousin, Box Privet, to retrieve them. At her behest, Box, who is a wizard with all things electronic, makes Harry an electro-magical wand, melding magic and electronics. Pandemonium ensues...


2. A Visit To The Zoo

It was a grand day for a drive, for a visit to the zoo; the first time in her entire life that Harry had actually been invited on a family outing. As Mr Privet drove the car slowly along the road (he always drove slowly, saying cars lasted years longer if they were treated that way), Harry stared out of the window, enjoying the moment, the feel of companionship, of being part of a family. Thus mellowed, she began to see the good in people, the Muddles. Mind you it was only for a moment, because soon, all too soon, her defences returned, protecting her from such nonsensical stupid ideas.
Box came along; it took them a while to convince him, but Mr and Mrs Privet had no intention of suffering the day’s outing if their son was at home, enjoying himself in his room with his electronics. No. He had to come and be miserable along with them.
When they arrived at the zoo, Mr Privet carefully parked his car (he said tyres lasted much longer if you parked your car carefully), and the not so happy family made their way towards the entrance.
“Two adult and two children, please,” said Mrs Privet, as she handed a five-pound note to the pimply attendant behind the counter.
“Isn’t she paying for herself?” Mr Privet whispered to his wife. “Her part of the family is supposed to be loaded, or so you have told me.”
“Hush,” Mrs Privet chided, hoping their niece hadn’t heard him.
For a Saturday, and such a fine one, the zoo was quiet, giving the Privet’s and Harry the place almost to themselves.
“Where are you going?” asked Mrs Privet, when she spotted her son skulking away.
“I was just going to…” he replied, trying to think up an excuse.
“You stay right here, with us,” she ordered. “Harry especially asked for you to come.”
“I know,” he whispered, “and that’s what worries me…”
As they made their way through the animal displays, from Crocodiles to Buffalos, from Elephants to Chimpanzees, from Parrots to Moorhens and almost everything else in between, Box couldn’t shake off the feeling that something terrible was about to happen, that his horrid cousin was going to perpetrate some dastardly deed upon him. Unfortunately, he was soon to prove himself right…
They were in the reptile house when Harry made her move, to corner her wimpishly thin cousin, the boy she so distained, but needed the help of…
“What are you doing?” Box yelled, when Harry opened the door of a particularly large snake’s enclosure (he had no idea how she had opened it, for it had a hefty bolt padlocked upon it).
“You’ll find out soon enough,” she replied, as she pushed him into the enclosure, slamming the door shut.
“Let me out!” he shouted, banging upon the glass partition that separated the viewers from the viewed.
Seeing its ‘guest’ the huge snake began slithering its way towards Box.
“LET ME OUT!” Box yelled again, banging even harder on the glass partition.
At the far end of the room Mr and Mrs Privet, inspecting an unusual albino tree snake, were totally oblivious to their beloved son’s growing distress.
“Well?” said Harry, folding her arms, smirking at her panicking cousin.
“WELL WHAT?” Box yelled, watching the huge snake slither ever closer.
“Are you going to help me?”
“All in good time,” she said, enjoying the moment, her power over him. It was like eating a creamy ice cream – so very satisfying.
The snake, now less than a foot away from Box, tasted the air with its tongue – human being was on the menu.
Screaming with fright, Box hollered, “OKAY, OKAY, I’LL HELP YOU. NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE!”
She did, withdrawing a wand Harry waved it from left to right, saying, “Open Ses Me.”
In less than a millisecond Box was magically transported to the outside, the right side of the glass partition, the hungry snake having just missed its scrawny meal by mere inches.
“H, how did you do that?” he asked, shaking in fright.
Having returned the wand to the safely of her pocket, Harry said, “Do what?”
“What you just did, with that thingamajig…”
Ignoring his question, she said, “Come on, I have need of your assistance.”
“Yes, moron, you! Now come on, or do you want to rejoin that snake?”
Having no wish to return, Box followed his cousin, slipping quietly out of the reptile house, away from his parents.

“Here, eat this,” said Harry, offering Box an ice cream cone that she had purchased from one of the small kiosks scattered about the zoo grounds.
Making faces, Box licked the ice cream, wondering if it were poisoned.
“There’s nothing wrong with it, I just bought it,” she said, “You can swap it with mine if you’re that worried.” Harry offered him her ice cream.
“No, no, it’s all right,” he said, taking another, more relaxed lick from his cone. “Thanks.”
This was the second time (and in the same day) that his cousin had shown him some kindness; Box was confused.

As they wandered away from the shop, to a quiet part of the zoo grounds where many tall trees and bushes were growing, Harry began speaking, she said, “Box, cousin, you are handy with electrical items and so forth, are you not?”
He nodded, wondering where the conversation was heading. “Unfortunately, I have no knowledge of, and even less interest in such things…”
Box nodded again, though for politeness this time.
“I want you to make me something – electrical…”
He was interested; Box loved working with electronics, and he asked, “What do you want me to make?”
Carefully considering her words, choosing enough to tell him what she wanted him to do, but not enough to give him any idea of what she had planned, Harry said, “See this?” Removing her wand from her pocket, Harry showed it to him.
Seeing it, the wand, Box was gob smacked, and he shouted, “A wand! It was a wand! I knew it! Like the one dad sometimes talks about!”
“Tell everyone, why don’t you?” Harry hissed, annoyed that she needed the services of so stupid a Muddle.
Reaching out, Box asked, “Can I touch it?”
“No, you cannot.”
His face falling, Box was devastated.
“You can touch it, later,” Harry promised. “For now, it’s best that you only look.”
Box stared lovingly at the brown wooden stick – the wand, “I can hardly believe that I am really looking at a magical wand,” he mused.
“Now that you have had a good look,” said Harry, returning the wand to the safety of her pocket, “can we get back to my request?”
Coughing excitedly, Box said, “Yes, yes, please go on.”

“So you see, Box,” said Harry, after she had finished explaining what she wanted him to do, “I want you to make me a wand, a wand that combines all of the magical qualities of my own...but with the added benefit of the Muddles’ electrical wisdom. God, I so hate using that word ‘wisdom’ in the same sentence as Muddle.” Studying his face, his expression, Harry tried to sense Box’s mood, his thoughts on his chances of pulling it off.
Box remained silent for many minutes, ruminating over the pros and cons of such an undertaking. From the electrical point of view, creating something akin to a wand would be a relatively simple matter, for a person such as him. It was the magical qualities that caused him the most worry, and how he might ever hope to combine the two, even more…

Box offered Harry his answer; speaking slowly, as slowly and carefully as Harry had so recently done, he said, “I think I can do it…”
Relieved, Harry smiled, and she was so pretty when she did this.
Box continued, “Having said that, I feel that I must tell you that it will not be an easy matter, by any stretch of the imagination…”
“But you can do it?” she said, still smiling radiantly.
“Yes, but…”
“You can,” said Harry, again. “That’s all that matters.” Then quite uncharacteristically, she grabbed hold of Box and gave him a peck on the cheek.
Embarrassed, Box mumbled something about finding his mum and dad. Harry agreed, for having heard what she had wanted to hear, she now wanted to get on with it.

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