МужскойUnited KingdomДата вступления 23 фев 15Последний раз был(-а) на сайте 2 лет назад

save me, save you

(hi I'm rod I'm a solid 6/10 so go ahead and talk to me if you want thank you you're all beautiful)

  • .Rod
    3 лет назадОтветить
    1 Мне нравится
    Holy hell you managed to demonstrate/create a whole world in like 1-2k words that's... really admirable and this is genuinely so good wow and poor faizah :( she doesn't deserve this

    But ummm feedback okay so FIRSTLY the 'Again and again and-' line was like so good just I love that style and the repetition and Yes umm as for like cc I have not much honestly um to get like really nit-picky when you used 'pioneer their only lives' it sorta felt a little out of place with the whole broken english like spontaneous style Faizah has as a voice

    And also the italicised paragraph beginning with 'I remember the moon' felt sorta more? refined than the other pgraphs which isn't like Bad obviously but it did confuse me for a bit (probably because I'm tired tbh) and it didn't feel as much like faizah speaking as the other paragraphs?

    Idk honestly these are just things where the voice felt a tiny bit off for me personally throughout, if that makes sense, but overall like this is so good and again you are insanely good at simultaneously character building and world building like woah and really good luck with the competition of course
    Triumph
    Triumph
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    I whispers my name like a war cry.
    Mirlotta
    3 лет назад
    thank you so much!! and yeah I know what you mean about the style, I generally write in 3rd person so giving Faizah a vaguely stylistic voice got more and more difficult as I got tireder and tireder haha (tireder is such a weird looking word. is it actually even a word?? my autocorrect isn't trying to correct it, but then again my autocorrect is shite soooo)
    and I'll try and change those bits to fit better with the rest of it in the morning when I am awake!! thank you again and good luck to you to ((:
    Mirlotta
    3 лет назад
    *too aRREGGHHH my terrible after-eight-o'clock grammar strikes again
    .Rod
    3 лет назад
    1 Мне нравится
    tireder sounds like a word and if it isn't it SHOULD be a word
    but yes no problem I honestly love it it was so good and same to your feeback thank you so much I'll get to changing the bits you specified asap because I totally agree the phone call was my attempt at getting across a different voice but it could be improved and reading back, the ironically, ... line doesn't really fit with the rest
  • .Rod
    3 лет назадОтветить
    2 Likes
    (I'm two chapters in and I 100% support the decision to get a kitten also this is so good so far)
    Wishes For Emilie
    Wishes For Emilie
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    Emilie Jones was just seven years old when she was diagnosed with potentially life threatening cancer. When Make-A-Wish Foundation grant Emilie one wish, she is overjoyed at the possibilities she has-but...
    .Rod
    3 лет назад
    2 Likes
    The 'I want it for you so you have someone to cuddle when...' line OH MY GOD why do you have to do this :'( :'( (this is sad but Amazing)
    Rockie
    3 лет назад
    Blame May for doing Emilie's chapters haha
    And thank you ^-^
    May Hayashi
    3 лет назад
    XD I'm so evil
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