FemminaUnited KingdomMembro da 7 ago 13Ultimamente online 5 years ago

Real trolls look much like you and I, but with a few tell tale signs. Do you know what to look out for? I do.

Author of 'The Troll Trap' and the rest of the Smelly Trolls series.

  • Rosen Trevithick

    mumbled "Want to help write a monster book that will be published?"


    You're invited to partake in a project to write a monster book. The best ideas will be used in the finished book, which will be published in paperback.
    http://ourmonsterbook.blogspot.co.uk/

    It's ideally aimed at children aged 7 to 12, but teenagers and adults may take part as long as they are respectful to the younger children.

    If you know any teachers of children aged 7-12, schools may also follow the project, which will take part throughout to spring term.

    Apologies that I haven't had time to update my group 'Ask an Author' for a while. I've been busy writing new troll books.
    Lucyx
    6 years ago
    I will :) jst ask me when you want help ;)
  • Rosen Trevithick
    Hi Sparrow3183,
    You posted this in 'Ask an Author' so I assume you would like me to leave some feedback.
    I've read chapters 1-8.
    It's a very solid start to a story and reminded me of the Harry Potter books crossed with the TV series Heros.
    I thought that the fact that the main character is female yet invited to an all boy's school was a good hook - it set up intrigue. A school for people with special skills is a solid concept for a book and gives you plenty of scope to develop a fantasy series.
    I feel it would make a good short novel with your chapters being a bit more fleshy. Certain paragraphs like the description of special lessons, could be extended into entire chapters because they give rise to very interesting material. Are you familiar with the expression 'Show, don't tell'?
    Also, the main character accepts her special skill very quickly and a full length book would afford you the time to develop the moment more slowly.
    I would personally avoid using strings of punctuation like '?!?'. Although they're used a lot in modern writing, your Movella is one of the most professional ones and so I think you should use professional punctuation - either '!' or '?' but never both together. This is my personal preference however, and styles change with time.
    So in summary, the first eight chapters are impressive - I only meant to read one but was enjoying it so much that I kept going until I ran out of time. I hope that you'll keep writing for years to come.
    Rosen
    The Chosen
    The Chosen
    32
    2259
    94
    When Rebecca, an 12-year-old girl, gets an invitation to an all-boys school, all she wants to do is try to fit in. However, she finds something out about herself that she didn't know before, something...
    Sparrow3183
    6 years ago
    Teenager, but all the adults I know say i have the vocabulary of one, and I'm proud of it. :)
    Rosen Trevithick
    6 years ago
    I admire your commitment in writing such a long story when you're still a teenager.
    Sparrow3183
    6 years ago
    Thanks! That means a lot to me.
  • Rosen Trevithick
    Hi Mirlotta and Mrs Malfoy,
    Like I said to Mirlotta in my previous comment, you posted this in 'Ask an Author' so I assume you'd like feedback. So far I've read chapter one.

    First impressions: sets the scene very well but could do with a hook to carry the ready through to the next chapter. You could do this by setting up a question to be answered later in the story or, as in 'You Could Always Ask Cecile' you cold bestow some misfortune on the characters so that the reader wants to keep reading to find out whether the characters pull through. Those are just two examples of hooks. There are infinite ways to do it.

    You've used some great adjectives (e.g. sinewy, tender, clammy). Slipping characters' physical descriptions in around action is a good way to gradually build a picture, which has allowed you to move the scene forward swiftly where a dedicated description paragraph would have slowed you down. That's a useful skill to have.

    All in all, you write nicely and have set the scene well.

    After Erik
    After Erik
    13
    1663
    27
    Paris, 1880, nine years after the events of 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Nine years in which all thoughts of Erik, the angel who'd once haunted her day and night had been cast aside, discarded like a broken...
    Mirlotta
    6 years ago
    Thank you for your kind feedback, we will be updating and editing the movella shortly!
    Little Lotte
    6 years ago
    Thank you! We will take everything on board, thank you so much for helping us :)
    Rosen Trevithick
    6 years ago
    1 Mi piace
    You're welcome. Feel free to adopt any feedback that you like and respectfully ignore other suggestions. Every writer is different and what works for some doesn't work for others.
  • Rosen Trevithick
    Hi Mirlotta, I saw that you posted this in 'Ask an Author' and assume you would like feedaback?
    So far, I've read '1. Meet the Grants'
    First impression: a very intruiging and varied family of characters. Even though I'd only just 'met' them, I felt a sense of sorrow when I got the last sentence in the chapter. To have made the reader care in so few words is a great achievement.
    I particularly like the fact that you've given the characters some contradictory characteristics, like the feminist who's unsuited to married life. This makes the characters feel very real.
    Also, I felt that you did a good job of setting up potential conflict for the future, for example in showing the differences between mother and Amelia.

    I found a typo near the beginning. It should be 'nevertheless' and not 'nether the less'.

    All in all, from a professional author's point of view, you're a very strong writer. This is a superb start to a story and you have a real talent for capturing personalities. Good luck with your work.
    You Could Always Ask Cecile
    You Could Always...
    22
    1716
    27
    Meet the Grants. They live in an ordinary home, and are an ordinary family with ordinary jobs and pastimes. Then meet Cecile. She's dead. But what happened to make her that way? I don't know. There's...
    Mirlotta
    6 years ago
    Wow, thank you so very very much! I'll make the changes to the story ASAP!!
    Rosen Trevithick
    6 years ago
    Glad you're happy with the feedback. Happy to help a talented writer.
  • Rosen Trevithick
    Hi QuillandInk, you posted this in 'Ask and Author' so I assume you would like some feedback?

    I've read the chapter 'Humming Bird' and your character notes.

    I thought it was very good fantasy writing. I don't write fantasy myself but I'm led to believe that fantasy stories include lots of description, which you've done very well. I really enjoyed many of the descriptions. The dialogue about natural beauty builds a very vivid picture.

    The first chapter introduces a duel, which is a very good hook.

    It's hard to fault your writing, but I always like to offer suggestions for improvement.
    - in a couple places (e.g. 'it's cruelty') you don't need the apostrophe in 'its'.
    - I felt that 'I smiled' was a little out of place after a character mentioned they he's dying.
    - to really hook the reader, I recommend setting up the plot (character dying + need for duel) before the description of weapons.

    Like I said, the suggestions are really so that I feel I've said something helpful. It's already excellent. Good luck with your work.
    Sir or Lady?
    Sir or Lady?
    5
    126
    8
    The youngest daughter of the country is a fighter, over shadowed by the beauty of her oldest sister, the intelligence of her other sister and the strength of her younger brother. She has all of the qualities,...
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