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  • Publiceret: 20 jan. 2020
  • Opdateret: 19 jan. 2020
  • Status: Færdig
still can't upload my covers, but hope you enjoy the story nonetheless.

1. x.x.

this is how i fell in                           love

             ^  and out of  ^


i. it was a hot summer day. school had been out for 4 days and i was working at the ice cream bar at the beach promenade. you were golden, like a ray of pure sunshine, and you ordered a vanilla scoop of all things. your skin seemed sunkissed and your hair salty from the ocean. unsure of whether or not i’d hear that laughter before, i let you walk away.


ii. i saw you every day since that first time. we ended up exchanging names over yet another scoop of vanilla ice cream and i could tell by the color of your hair how long you had belonged to the ocean. i watched you run by with a surfboard under one arm and the occasional wave back at me made my day. 


iii. the days off were the worst. money had to be made if i wanted to make it through the school year, but that also meant no time for hanging out with my friends, and sadly they didn’t enjoy the beach as much as i did. i felt a little bit empty on days when i wouldn’t see you and i had never been so glad to have sand in my shoes than on work days once again.


iv. your hand lingered over mine very deliberately as you handed over the money for your order. “one vanilla scoop coming up”” i said, trying hard not to show how affected i had been by you touching me. it obviously didn’t work, as you walked away smiling.


v. my shifts changed. i got off earlier now and randomly happened to stumble upon you on your way off the beach. this was the first of many longer, more in-depth conversations we would have.


vi. you taught me how to smoke my first cigarette that day behind the employee building. i’m not proud of it, but you seemed so cool doing it and i wanted nothing more than to impress you. i couldn’t have learned it better than you kissing me to exhale the smoke into my mouth. you tasted like cigarettes and salt.


vii. you wouldn’t hold my hand at the beach and despite my efforts we only ever hung out behind the building where i clocked off every afternoon. you would shove me up against the wall and sometimes your hair would be wet or you’d have a cigarette in hand, but it was always amazing. at 6 o’clock on the dot your phone would ring and you’d sprint off with an apology.


viii. one month later and this was the first day you went behind the bar to stand next to me as i scooped ice cream for strangers and classmates. we didn’t talk about much, but there was something on your mind and i could tell the hurt in your heart, as you pursed your lips and simply let me hold you for a while after my shift ended.


ix. school would be starting up soon and i wouldn’t get to see you every day. it didn’t feel like just a random summer fling, but it didn’t feel like it would last either. i could tell how much you longed for something else when we sat next to each other staring out at the infinite sea before us.


x. your surfboard still stands here to remind me of you. i can’t count how many times i kissed those freckled cheeks goodbye, only to wonder if you would even show up the next day. there was so much left to figure out about you, but we had too little time. i think i loved you, but i don’t know if you ever even felt the same. i ate a whole tub of vanilla ice cream the day you didn’t come back and smoke a cigarette in plain sight of the ice cream stand, hoping you would turn up for a late night. you didn’t.

i was the one who had to remove your surfboard the day before i went back to school and quit my job. burning it was the best goodbye i could’ve ever had.

i hope you’re somewhere out there, chasing the waves.

and if not - i just hope you’re alright at least.


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