What Its Like To Be Me

A Little Diary About What My Life Is Like


1. Dear Diary

hmmm being a teenager can be very difficult at times, but sometimes its not very difficult sometimes you can overcome whats bothering you.....some days you can have good days and some days you can have bad days, but there all the same at the end of the day.... all teenagers have problems, whether or not there small problems..or BIG problems.... i never had the best start to becoming a teenager, my lifes not been easy...being a self harmer, i lack alot of confidence, ive coped with the self harm with the help of my parents, and some friends... i got bullied for it, which made me do it more, its not easy being a teenager...

how would you be able to help a teenager who self harms? by telling him or her that its going to be okay? but nobody knows whether it will be okay or not..99% of the time it will be okay...but that 1% of the time it wont be..theres only a few reasons as to why ive stopped self harming...one of those reasons is because of my mum shes always been there for me but i dont know how i can repay her for it ...another one of those reasons is because ive got a little godson called Alfie who looks up to me...and id hate it for him to grow up without knowning me...cause im not just his godmother, im also his Auntie....and i love that little boy..

ive been in trouble with the law once or twice but who hasnt? i mean nearly everyone has been in trouble with the police at some point in there life, its nearly been a year since i was arrested, and to be quiet honest i regret what i did, it didnt solve anything, it made matters worse...ive nearly died because i got mixed with the wrong people...i suffered from alcohol posioning which resulted in me being in hospital...i had no idea what had happened, but it wasnt my fault, i had, had the date rape drug in my system...i regret ever meeting that boy... not everybody is perfect..

a couple months ago i got myself in a relationship...the second worse relationship ive ever been in, and to be honest that was because i ended up being his punching bag...i couldnt get out of the relationship, because he made me feel insurcure, made me think that i needed him, but he also made me hurt,,in more than one way...he used to get a kick out of seeing me hurt myself, i dont know how he could find it so funny, he used to ALWAYS make me upset or angry to the point where i would do it, i never liked being with him, but i couldnt get out of it.. because of what was happening i would always be arguing with my mum or dad, and i didnt like it, i hated it, but i couldnt tell them what was happening, if i tried to he'd say it was me attaching him, but i was only 5'6-5'7and he was alot taller than me and ALOT stronger than me..when i did eventually break it off with him, he wouldnt leave me alone, he'd always text me and call me asking me to meet him, then one wednesday when i was visiting my sister Vicki, he followed there and waited down stairs for me to come out, when i had left to go home, i walked into him, i didnt wanna be anywhere near him, i tried to walk about but he wouldnt let me... he went if he was to hit me there would be no proof,  he punched me in the face, right in the middle of my jaw...after he did that he ran away, and i went up to my sisters and i was crying, i mean my mouth was bleeding and my mouth was swollen wouldnt you cry aswell? i was scared, i had never been punched in the face before, when my niece opened the door i got told to go in and sit down, my sister had called my mum and asked me if i wanted to report the assault, i said yes, i waited about an hour til the police officer came and took my statement, then i was taken home by the officer, the next couple of days i still had a sore and painfull jaw, my mum had took me to the dentist, and he took an x-ray, and then he told me i had to go to the hospital as it looked like i had a brake in my jaw.....i was at southend hospital for about and hour before they said 'we cant treat you here, you have to go to broomfield hospital' which is in chelmsford...so we went there...spent hours there....turns out i had a dislocated jaw, a break in 2 places...  







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