Stuck In Fire 2 - Justin Bieber

Justin is finally reunited with Katie.. and that's awesome. I don't know what to write, 'cause i haven't read the story o.o IT'S NOT MIIIINE. I JUST POST IT TO READ IT :P


15. 15


The next morning was very tense as we ate in silence. At first, we just kept taking things out of the cabinets…it wasn't until Justin slammed one shut a little too loudly that I realized he was pissed.

He was eating cereal, one of his favorite breakfasts, although he always cooks for everyone when he's feeling good. But I know he prefers the sugar in the lucky charms cereal he's eating now. And as I watched him sprinkle more sugar on top of it, I almost said something but didn't. I sat down with my toast and began to butter it, letting out a sigh.

Believe it or not, Justin was reading the cereal box! I'm sure he's just trying to ignore me…but it's just pissing me off more. Last night, we had made up…and it was so great…until I realized our little game was going a bit too far…and I had to put the brakes on it. Justin was very hurt…and it still showed today.

This silent thing went on for a little while but eventually I KNEW that Justin was not really trying to solve the puzzle on the back of the box. And if he was, then we had real problems.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I just said something to begin the conversation.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Justin.", I said very calmly, looking at the leprechaun on the box that was standing between us, Justin's messy hair poking up from behind it.

And like a typical man, he replied.

"You didn't.", he said so casually, "I don't care. Do what you want."

I sighed again, setting my jaw. He was often a child but this was supposed to be a grown up conversation. It was obvious I was speaking to twelve year old Justin right now.

"I WANT to talk to you, if that's possible.", I rubbed my forehead, peeking at the box again.

"More therapy, Dr.?", he answered back kind of snidely, still not looking at me yet, "Didn't I have enough last night?"

"Apparently not.", I said, trying to keep emotion out of my voice.

"Can you please move that box out of the way?", I asked, trying to keep cool, "I feel like I'm discussing my love life with the friggin' lucky charms elf!"

Justin sighed, "He's a leprechaun, Selena."

"I don't give a fuck!", I snapped, "Move it!"

Then, with one finger, Justin slid it out of the way, and his eyes shot at me with this very cold look…and I have to admit, it did hurt. I never wanted him to look at me that way…but he was.

Then his eyes went down into his cereal bowl and I tried to remember what I was going to say.

"We should be able to talk about it.", I began, "I know you're angry with me and I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you…and I didn't mean to reject you…"

I saw Justin's jaw tense and his eyes were not on me, they were on a sugar dispenser on the table.

"I love you, Justin.", I said, wanting to reach the part of him that was in pain, "I want to do everything with you…but…not that. I can't. It's just going to hurt you…"

"It wouldn't have hurt me.", he said firmly, "I've done it before."

"And that's the problem.", I let out a breath as I said the words, "Justin…I can't be your Mistress. And honestly, it hurts me to think that you want me to be."

"I didn't ask for THAT.", his eyes looked at me now, no longer cold but very intense and full of embarrassment and pain, "I just…forget it. I won't ask for it again."

"If I tie you up, it will do damage to us, Justin.", I said, hating that I had to make him feel this way, "It could hurt our relationship. I know you don't want that. I don't. I know I'm making all kinds of mistakes when it comes to you…and us…but I have to trust my gut and it's telling me that it would not have been good for you. We should talk to Dr. Facinelli about this on Saturday."

"NO!", his eyes suddenly looked filled with shock and fear, "He doesn't need to know everything, Selena."

"He's our psychologist.", I replied, "We shouldn't keep secrets from him, that just slows down the whole process of us getting better. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, it's perfectly normal that you…feel safe when you're tied up. It's like when people get out of jail, it takes time to feel secure again."

"Selena, please don't tell him…", Justin looked like a guilty little boy suddenly, "He already thinks I'm a freak as it is, please…"

I sat in the chair next to his and held his hands in mine. That usually calmed him, when we were touching.

"I'm sorry.", he said, his voice cracking a bit as he looked at my hands, "I didn't mean anything by it…I just…I just wanted to be yours…completely yours…I gave myself to you…"

He let out a very pained breath as if he knew how wrong it had been and that he was genuinely sorry. But I never blame him for what he feels. It's that bitch…and all those people who've harmed him over the years that I would love to have access to.

"You are mine, baby, you ARE.", I stroked his hair, kissing his forehead, "Ropes don't hold me to you, sweetie. YOU do. Your heart, your soul…they tie me to you. They make me so happy…you make me so happy…nothing could ever change that."

"I know…", he said, and his breathing was becoming a little faster now while I held him close and cuddled against his cheek with mine, "But it's been so long since I've been tied…and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else…but you…I don't know why, Selena. I just know I craved it…dreamt of it…I wouldn't have wanted you to do anything to me…I mean, not to hurt me…maybe just to kiss me and undress me…I know it's fucked up but I would've been happy with that. I would be able to sleep."

"I know, baby, I know…", I felt tears come to my eyes as I kissed his lips, "I know that's how you went to bed every night, right? Before me?"

He nodded, his eyes glancing into mine as he admitted this.

"She…", he said and I knew he was talking about Victoria, "She…didn't believe in kissing, which is why I probably want to kiss you too much. I love kissing…you. But she tied me up in whatever bed I was sleeping in during the day. She put the blindfold over my eyes so the sun wouldn't bother me, if I was good that night…other times if she was mad at me, no blindfold. But I was always bound in some way. She said I would get used to it and maybe I did. My body got used to it. I'm sorry I asked something like that of you. I don't want you to treat me like she did…it's just…I haven't truly been able to sleep through the night since we moved here. And I trust you to tie me to the bed. I love you…so much…I guess I just screwed up again. Please don't be angry at me."

"I'm not angry at YOU.", I kissed his mouth again, "I'm angry at THEM. All those people who hurt you. I know they hurt you real bad. And it's okay to screw up sometimes. I'm doing it all the time. We'll just have to find new ways to make you relax so you can sleep right. Maybe, later…in a few years…we will be able to play some games together again…when it's alright. But we can't right now."

He was silent for a long moment and I did feel a sadness in saying it, too. We had played some very sexual games…and I have to admit, I liked most of them. But that was back when he was playing his part, doing his job, as he was trained to do. He was very good at it but that's not really who he was. We have to explore, maybe for years, to discover who that is…the real Justin Bieber. I was willing to do wait for him. I knew he'd be so worth it.

"I know.", I said, my own voice very sad now, "I'll miss those two weeks, too. I don't know if it's right or wrong to say it, but, I learned so much in those first fourteen days with you. I found myself. You showed me what real passion was…what it felt like to lose yourself…and then almost die…and slowly come back to life again…you opened those doors for me. You made me a woman, Justin Bieber. One I love being. I will hold those memories in a very special and secret place in my heart…forever. They'll never die. But, Justin, we have to be so careful right now. If we blur the lines between slave and free…between lover and Mistress…we may lose everything we have together now. Do you know what I mean?"

He gave a little smirk and muttered, "More lines…"

"What?", I asked, not sure what he meant.

"Nothing.", he gave a little shake of his head and looked like he was very interested in my fingertips suddenly, adding, "I'll miss those two weeks also. And thank you, for saying that. I always thought…I was always afraid that you would look back on those two weeks with a bad taste in your mouth…like…you would regret playing with a whore for fourteen days…"

"You know I don't like that word.", I said right away, and I saw him give me that little crooked grin, as if he'd known I would say that.

"You were never a whore to me…or a toy.", I moved my hands down his perfect cheekbones, my fingers resting on his lips, "You were my love…my first love…my ONLY love. Once I was through being afraid of you…or trying to figure you out…I realized…you stole my heart away. You little thief!"

I playfully laughed and mussed his hair, shoving him away a bit, seeing his smile grow.

"I'm so sorry if I made you feel like…a whore last night.", I apologized, tears coming to my own eyes now, "I never want you to feel that way with me, okay? You…you're everything to me…and I want you to feel special every single day…."

I was full on crying now, knowing last night's pain was my fault. I remembered his face when I first looked at him, after he suggested me tying him up in bed last night. I didn't mean to look shocked or disgusted but I know I probably did…because he looked so frightened and ashamed in that half second of time…I know I stuck a knife into his heart.

In his mind, he was giving me a gift…giving me himself…his trust…his submission. It was all he ever had in the last six years…and he was offering it to me. And I reacted badly…I had made him feel like a sick, twisted thing…I wanted to rewind time and take it back…but I couldn't…and that broke my heart.

Justin held me in his arms and stroked my hair now, trying to ease me, saying, "Ssshhhhh….it's alright, Selena…please don't cry…it's my fault. I'm so sorry!"

Only the two of us could make such drama first thing on a Sunday morning.

We comforted each other and each took the blame for last night's disaster. But it didn't make me feel any better. I was glad that I had decided to be Dr. Facinelli's patient. It would be good to have someone else, a third party, to talk to about these things…maybe as a student knowing what I knew about the mind so far was a bad thing in this situation.

Maybe I was overthinking too much. Should I just have done it for him? Tied him up and covered him with kisses until he fell asleep? Would it really have hurt him? Or was that just my school training telling me all that? I'm so confused. I want to make him happy, but I don't know what I'm doing here. This is so hard. And this is my first real relationship. If I ever did anything wrong with Justin, and he ended up hurting himself…I knew I couldn't go on living. But I would have to. I promised Katie I would never leave her. I would have to live on and love the one living part of Justin that remained. And I would do that, gladly…if it would put his soul at peace…finally.

We'd spent the rest of the day just hanging out together, doing nothing special at all. We were in our pajamas…and Justin was only in his pajama bottoms…observing rule number one quite nicely. We watched old black and white movies and laid on the sofa, one on each end…our feet cuddling on each other and every commercial break having foot wresting wars with each other. We had junk food and even took a nap in the middle of the afternoon, snuggling and spooning each other. I was glad when I heard him snoring. I would have to ask Dr. F. about ways I could make Justin sleep through the night. I could imagine Katie walking into his room one morning and he's all tied up, nude in the bed! We don't want THAT talked about when she goes to her first doctor appointment.

We had dinner with Ben, Angela, and Katie…and it was so great to be with them all again. Katie's overnight with them this time was much better and she told us how much she loved scooping ice cream for people over the weekend. Ben even paid her a little money for it.

And, get this – the name Ben chose for the ice cream parlor is "Ice Cream, You Scream!"

Justin and I loved it right away. It was genius. Then they revealed that Katie thought of the name. The sign would be coming next week.

And for desert, Ben himself made all of us a huge banana split, saying he has to practice for his customers. Justin was very delighted. I knew he'd be a regular there at Ice Cream, You Scream.

And for the next couple nights things went very normally, except that after Katie went to bed, Justin went into Ben and Angela's old room with his notebook. There was a desk in there and we had agreed on Sunday that it would be a good place for him to tackle his homework on his own. I told him if he needed me, to come and get me. But those first two nights…he didn't. He was standing on his own, as he was told to do…and I was so proud of him, even if a little part of me hurt that I was left out of it all.

Sometimes, I'd tiptoe to the locked door and listen…hoping he was alright. I heard sniffling and sometimes sobbing…even a couple angry growls…and something flew across the room and smashed on the wall…but I didn't bust in on him. I let him fight his battle. And that was so fucking hard for me, standing back…letting him suffer. Every minute of those nights, I thirsted for Sir Kevin's god damned shit tasting blood. I scared myself with my rage. I had never been particularly violent before, but now…I knew what hate was…what evil was. I wanted that fucker's head right this second! And the things I imagined doing to that head…it wasn't pretty.

I would try to do my own homework…work I'd already done before, years ago…but my mind kept drifting back to Alice…Rosalie…to my Dad. God, I missed them so much. Do they really think I'm dead? That Justin is dead? How horrible it feels for me to know they could think that and I can't call them to correct it. My world in New York was small…with three people being the center of my universe…but it was a great small world. I really missed it…a lot.

My birthday is coming up. I can't believe my Dad won't be able to call me and say, "Hey, kiddo, you're getting old! Happy Birthday, Bells."

On the second night, I decided to write more things into my own journal, the one I'd started when we moved here. I began to write letters to my three loved ones…not to mail…just to write the words…and pretend that they would get these someday. It actually did help me…putting it all down on paper. Writing is a great thing…Dr. F. was right about that. I hoped it would really help Justin in time.

The five bags of cotton candy didn't last very long. Every night, Justin needed one or two to get through his assignment. I didn't argue. If he can't have me in there with him, he should have something that makes him happy. Sugar would do her job with him. But I was still anticipating huge dental bills.

We had spoken to Katie about seeing a nice lady and talking to her about whatever was on her mind. We explained that some doctors are for the body….and she had seen plenty of them…and that some doctors are for the mind…and heart. She seemed totally fine with this and looked forward to going. So we had made an appointment for her with the doctor Peter had recommended.

Justin even told her that he and I were going to a similar doctor and that he was very nice. That was brave of Justin and it gave Katie a little more strength, too, when we all decided it would be good for her to try it.

It was still very hard for me at school. I mean, the subject matter was easy for me. I was repeating things I'd learned before. But I mean…socially. I still kept to myself, in the back of the room, not wanting to let anyone in. The rest of the kids seemed to sense my avoidance, so they ignored me right back.

I didn't want any new friends to be honest. Alice and Rosalie…how could I ever replace them? There's no way. I wanted to be left alone. All day long I thought of Justin and Katie…and the things I'd done wrong…the things I could do wrong in the future…and I agonized over every mistake…every wrong word…was I hurting him more? Was he ready to have such a relationship so soon after leaving Victoria's world? Would we make it? Would we perish in flames? Sometimes, I couldn't even eat lunch I'd made myself so frantic. I counted the days until Saturday, when I could talk to Peter. I needed someone I could confide in…and get advice from. I wished I could call him…he said we could…but I never did. I didn't want Justin to think I was going behind his back and talking to Peter about him.

In the middle of the week, we got a lovely surprise visit from our marshal friends again. Ben had come to take Katie for the night so we could discuss things without the fear of her overhearing.

"Tell me, Mr. Bieber…", the male marshal began, "How did you meet Selena Gomez?"

Justin sat in a kitchen chair, turned towards me and the woman marshal, like we were in court…the other one was standing up near Justin's seat like he was the defense attorney. We were going over our testimony and he wanted us to feel what it would be like when we were in the witness chair. Justin volunteered to go first, I think, to protect me from having to do it. And he was on the hot seat now, looking at me.

"We met at a nightclub where I worked at the time.", he said, very calmly…giving me a little wink as I smiled back at him, my flawless creature.

"A nightclub?", he asked Justin, "Isn't this, in fact, a place called Fire? Where stripping and exotic dancing goes on?"

Justin looked at the marshal and took a breath through his nose.

"Yes.", he replied, still strong and in control.

"And you worked there.", he said to Justin, "What did you do there?"

"I waited tables…", he began, "And….I performed there too."

"Performed.", he replied, making a snort noise, "Interesting choice of words."

"I object!", I said before I knew I was doing it. Justin looked at me and smirked, liking my protective mode as much as I loved his.

"You can't object, Selena!", the woman marshal said to me and eased my pointed finger down at my side.

"Well, he's not lying!", I argued, "He did perform there, that's the truth."

Morrison, the male agent, ignored me and went back to questioning Justin.

"What other things did you do there, Mr. Bieber?", he asked, probing on.

He let out a breath and his eyes went into that cold, defensive look. I knew that one.

"Let's just cut the crap and get to what you're asking.", he said, "You want to know if I whored there, right?"

"Mr. Bieber…."

"No, wait, Mr. Morrison!", Justin looked at him, with anger but it was under control, "If you want to ask me something, just ask it! Don't dance with me, get to the point. Yes, I was a whore there. Question answered."

I almost did a fist pump for how beautiful Justin was in that moment. God, how could you NOT love him?

"So, you slept with other women there, for money?", he went on, not deterred by Justin's bravery.

"No one slept.", Justin smirked at me and I had to look away, putting my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh.

"Well I wouldn't be doing a very good job if women fell asleep under me, now, would I?", Justin asked and then I HAD to laugh.

"Are we gonna get serious or what, Justin?", Morrison asked, his eyes not amused, "I mean, if this is how you take the stand…get ready to watch James and Raven and all the rest of them walk out of court with big smiles on their faces, ready to tell reporters how great it is when the innocent go free!"

"While you two go to prison for murder…", Benson, the woman added in, "It's a life sentence you know. Not too funny."

"Alright.", Justin straightened, "I'm sorry. Go on."

I hated watching this. They were trying to rip Justin down and he had been putting up a fight for once in his life…and now he was apologizing for it…and for me…he was going to be quiet and sit still, taking it.

"What did you do there, at the Fire club?", Morrison asked again.

Justin took a breath and answered, "I stripped there. I had sex with women for money there. I danced onstage. And waited tables."

I didn't break eye contact with Justin. I didn't look down or away. I smiled at him, proudly…telling him that I wasn't ashamed of him. And that I loved him.

"Did you sell drugs there, Mr. Bieber?"

"Absolutely not.", he replied right away, his eyes taking on an angry look.

"Face.", Benson pointed to Justin's face from her chair, notifying Morrison.

"What?" Justin frowned, confused.

"You made an angry, hostile face just then.", Benson informed, "You can't do that. You look like you're lying."

"I made an angry face because those PEOPLE are saying that I dealt drugs there.", Justin tried to keep his cool, "But it's not true. I never got involved in the drugs there. That was not my job."

"You said you never got involved in drugs THERE.", Morrison looked at Justin, "Where did you get involved with them?"

"I didn't.", he answered then looked away and sighed, "I never dealt drugs. And I…."

Justin looked at me now…and he swallowed…hard. I frowned and worried about him as he looked up and I saw tears glistening there.

"Selena…", Justin whispered, "Please don't be mad…"

I felt my eyes widen and I couldn't speak.

"Victoria…", Justin said to Morrison, "Sometimes…once in awhile…not often…she gave me…drugs."

I felt my heart stinging from this statement while Morrison went on, asking, "What kind of drugs?"

"I don't know…", Justin looked at me, helplessly as he spoke, "She injected me most times while I was chained up. I never saw what it was…and she never told me. Once she made me swallow pills…"

Justin looked at me and Morrison was saying something but I couldn't hear him. Justin was talking to me over his voice.

"It was usually on very hard days, Selena.", he said to me, pleading for me to understand, "Back then, when I liked to hurt myself…like - on Katie's birthdays, after I called her…Victoria saw what I was like…she thought she was giving me a gift…to take away my pain…so I wouldn't do harm to myself…she tied me up and injected me. Most times, it would just make me so weak I could hardly move…I had weird dreams…sometimes I'd laugh for hours…and other times, it would be bad. I'd see Tanya's face burning in the fire…I'd BE the fireman holding Katie when she burned and screamed….but I never asked for it. And I could never take drugs when she didn't give permission for it first. Most of the time….about 360 days of the year, I was totally sober and clean. That was her rule."

I felt myself nodding at him, accepting this new information. I felt stunned that I hadn't known this before. What else didn't I know?

"So, you could've been on acid that night that boy was killed.", Morrison stated, "You just said yourself that you had no idea what she gave you…for all you know, it could have been acid or something like that…something that made you violent?"

"No.", Justin stated firmly, "I was sober that night. I'll never forget that. And I was locked in a cage while she killed that boy. And whenever I was on a drug, I was caged or bound."

"Jesus.", Morrison rubbed his temple, picking up his notebook, muttering something to himself that I couldn't hear. But Justin looked very pissed off as he eyed the marshal.

"Alright, let's go back to when you met Selena Gomez.", Morrison suggested, "You met her at Fire…and did she pay you to have sex with her?"

Justin looked deadly now. And even I felt a little nervous.

"No.", he sneered, "She wouldn't do that. She wanted me to be the subject of her thesis for school. She studies psychology. She asked me to be her patient for a couple of weeks."

"Justin.", Morrison scolded him with his voice and eyes.

"It's TRUE!", Justin's eyes bulged, and he looked at me, in disbelief that now he was telling the truth and even the marshals weren't buying it.

"It IS true.", I added and Justin looked relieved that I'd confirmed it.

"So, Charlie's whole story about Selena paying twenty grand to you for two weeks is a lie?", Morrison asked, looking at his notes.

Justin looked a little defeated then but still replied, "She thought that was the only way she could get me to agree to it. There was a misunderstanding. Selena has that money back now. If you check her accounts with your people, you'll find twenty thousand dollars in it under her name. I never took that money."

"Twenty grand is a little cheap, isn't it?" Morrison asked, "For two weeks of YOUR time, I've heard women have paid like…fifty or sixty grand…isn't that right?"

Justin looked at me and his eyes were soft.

"Yes, some women pay a lot of money for me.", he said quietly, "But I wanted to be with Selena. I liked her. Twenty grand was the lowest I could go without Victoria becoming suspicious."

Then I found myself smiling back at him and I could see he was remembering that first night as well as I was. My caged vampire…the man I would end up living for.

"So at the time, she was your John and you were her prostitute.", Morrison summed it up like a leech.

"No, it wasn't like that—", Justin began but Morrison began to cut him off.

But Justin would not be cut off this time.

"No, STOP!", Justin shouted and Morrison shut his mouth.

"Selena is an innocent college student.", Justin frowned as he spoke, "She went in that club, not knowing what kind of world she was walking into. She was curious, a young girl out with her friends. She thought she'd see dancing…maybe a little muscle…some skin…nothing more. She brought a notebook with her for God's sake!

She accidentally got sucked into a bad situation, unaware of how dark my world was. I should've turned her down that night. If I was worth a damn I would've turned her away and let her walk out of my fucked up life. But I was selfish. I wanted her…I NEEDED her.

I was drowning in the shit of my world…and in her I found something so rare…someone REAL. Someone who noticed my "pretty eyes" - as she called them - in a red fucking room where every inch of me was on display! She's not some pervert who went looking for a hooker to get laid. She's a lady. She has class. And I won't let you or an attorney or any judge try to make her look UGLY! And I know I'm supposed to be calm and not show emotion but I can't help it! There IS emotion. Especially when you're after MY girl."

"Let's take a break.", Benson suggested and they went outside for a smoke.

I smiled at him, shaking my head at how wonderful a man I'd found when he said, "We're going to lose this case, aren't we? I'm going to be locked up for the rest of my life."

"Don't say that.", I walked up to his chair, standing in front of him, touching his hair, leaning my chin on his head, "This is our first try at this witness stand thing. We'll get better."

"I don't want them smearing you in court.", Justin seethed as he spoke and I could hear it as he put his arms around my legs, hugging them, "I can't hold still for that, Selena. It's alright if they want to fuck me over on the stand…but they won't get YOU. Not if I can help it."

"It's not alright with ME if they fuck you on the stand.", I informed, kissing his hair, "Your ass belongs to ME."

It was a joke and I'm glad he laughed, holding me tighter to him.

"I love belonging to YOU, Selena Gomez.", he said and I remembered the first night we were together he'd said this to me. Back then I thought it was just a line. Now I knew he meant it.

"Ditto, Justin Bieber.", I answered, "And I would've really been hurt…if you turned me down that night. I never knew you felt that way."

"I almost didn't even ask Victoria if I could take the job.", he recalled, "I planned on being so cruel to you…to scare you away. I was going to laugh at your offer and tell you to go fuck yourself. I didn't want you to ever come near the place again. I liked you that much when I first talked to you in that little room…remember?"

"Remember?", I scoffed, "That was the scariest moment of my life, of course I do."

"You were scared.", he agreed, "I felt you shaking so hard when I took your hand. I didn't know that to do. But I had to kiss you. You were so quiet…and sweet…like soft piano music…in a world filled with loud, banging drums. And when I kissed you, I just knew you would be special to me. I knew you were important. My notebook girl."

"Those kisses did me in.", I said into his hair, smiling as I remembered, "And you were so…ugghhhh….you were kissing my neck and down my skin…into my blouse…it was all I could do to keep talking while you were doing all that to me."

"I'm sorry.", he grinned at me and then wickedly smirked, adding, "No I'm not."

I laughed. "I know you're not. You were trying to shut me up, weren't you?"

"Not really.", he kissed my fingertips, each one at a time, "I loved hearing you talk…you were so cute…so nervous. I thought you were after your first time. I wanted to give it to you, as best I could in that place. I was kind of relieved when you wanted to hire me for two weeks. Then I could give you the attention and time you deserved. I think I loved you even then."

"I loved you the first time you kissed me in that cage.", I admitted, "When did you first realize that you loved me?"

"I think I really loved you that moment I stole your notebook. The first time I actually realized it….", he thought aloud, "Was when you gave me that nightshirt and said you'd rather have me be comfortable instead of sexy. I wanted to marry you that night."

"Wow.", I smiled, "Then it was ten dollars well spent I'd say."

"It wasn't about the shirt.", he looked up at me, "It was you. You were loving me…and it took me awhile to realize it cause I'm stupid, but…I got it then. I remembered what it was like…having someone care. I wish I still had that shirt. It's important to me."

"I know.", I played with his hair, "There were so many things I would've liked to take with us…like the tape recorder…"

"The couch.", Justin added, "The stools!"

"Definitely the stools.", I whined, missing them too, "All my nice underwear you bought me…that Alice and Rosalie picked out. I didn't even get to wear most of them."

"I'll get you more, Selena.", he promised.

"I know, I know.", I said, kissing his head again, "It's just…you know…it's not the same…"

"I know.", he said, stroking up the backs of my legs, "I'm the same way about that stuff."

Before long, the marshals were back and were working on Justin again.

He tried to answer the way they wanted him to…but whenever they got back to me he would lose his temper again. I didn't know if they'd ever get us to behave the way they wanted us to…I would probably be the same way when they asked me about Justin. I was glad that the case would take months…maybe years to come about. I was in no rush to see Justin humiliated in front of the world.

It turns out that I didn't even get my turn on the stand by the time the night was over. The marshals were pretty tired after all the resistance they got from Justin and decided to call it a night. They left and we just went to bed, using Justin's room tonight since Katie was not sleeping here.

I didn't know if it was wrong or right but I decided to try something to help Justin fall asleep.

I was not after sex at all and I told him this first. I undressed him completely, kissing him very softly and gently as I exposed his flesh.

"If you're not after sex, I think you're doing something wrong, Dr. Selena.", he teased, standing there naked beside the bed.

He bent his head down and kissed my cheek so reverently, I felt like something special for a few seconds. His hand was cupped lovingly under my chin as he deepened the kiss but I knew where that would lead us.

"Not tonight, beautiful.", I whispered tenderly in his ear, not wanting him to feel unwanted like he did that last time, "I know how tired you are…I see it in your eyes. I want you sleeping tonight. And I want you to lay down, however you're most comfortable. Please."

He smiled at me and laid down on his back, unsure of what was going through my mind.

"You are so important to me…you know that?", I began undressing myself, bending down once to kiss those perfect fucking lips of his. They were so warm and thick…I almost got drawn in again. Those are very talented lips.

"No, no…", I grinned at him as he groaned. I managed to pull away and finish disrobing for bed.

"Selena…", he whispered but I was debating with myself whether or not I should even try this.

I knelt next to his side of the bed as he looked at me and I put my fingers to his eyes, carefully moving them over his eyelids.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart.", I whispered, my voice low but audible.

He closed them and smiled to himself as he waited for my next words.

"How did you usually sleep, baby?", I dared to ask, and then said, "Keep your eyes closed. Just show me. Please. It's ok."

He did as I asked and swallowed, taking a breath. Then he put his arms up over his head, lightly placing his hands in the headboard, and his legs spread out a bit. Thank God it was a double bed.

"You're so strong, Justin…", I whispered to him, tears in my eyes, "I want you to know your strength…but I want you to be able to sleep too. But I won't tie you. You can sleep in this position if you like. Would you like to?"

It took him a moment or two to answer but he finally gave a couple nods of his head…and his face looked full of pain at this admission.

"Shhhhh….", I touched his face with both my hands…"There's no right or wrong answer, Justin. It's alright. You can sleep this way. It's alright. It won't be forever."

He let out a big breath that sounded like pure relief.

I stroked his arms and whispered to him.

"Does it feel better?", I asked, "Do you feel relaxed right now?"

He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. And there was no shame in his face.

"Good.", I kept moving my hands lightly over his body…not to stimulate him sexually…just to relax him, "Just breathe in…and out…let everything go…there's no one but us…you're completely safe…you're not going anywhere."

And as insane as it seems, it actually started working! He did begin to fall asleep after a couple of minutes…I knew I was successful when I heard that cute little snore he does sometimes.

I gently kissed his mouth and it half smiled in sleep as I went to my side of the bed, getting in. I covered him up with the quilt and said a little prayer that he would sleep through the night without any nightmares. I told God in an almost pissed off mental voice, "Just let him sleep for one night without any god damned rape or torture scenes will ya?"

And I fell asleep as my eyes watched over the man I love. I wondered what he'd have been like if all his pain was suddenly erased, as impossible as that is. Would he be different? Would I like him? Would he like me? Or do I just have him because I'm kind to him?


"You're getting so good, boy!", Anthony complimented with a big smile as I trotted my horse over to where he and Sally were standing.

"Thanks Bob.", I breathed, smiling back, "I just love this! You have no idea…"

"You like going fast, huh?", Bob smirked at me, sizing me up again, "You probably love to race cars."

"Oh, I LOVE fast cars.", I admitted, hating staying still for this long already. I wanted to move again!

"It's not usual for someone to pick all this up so fast.", Bob informed, proudly, "You're a natural. I knew you'd be a fast learner. It's like you were born to ride."

"I don't know about that.", I felt my face turn hot as I looked away.

The truth is, I always wanted to ride horses. As a kid, I had everything and my absent parents enrolled me in all kinds of preppy boarding schools, the best of the best. I hated all of them. So I misbehaved and did things to get kicked out. Some schools were very hard to get expelled from. But always, I wasn't allowed to take riding lessons like the other kids, because I was a "problem child." It was the one thing that stung during my stays at these schools. In fact, they didn't even want me near them even as a punishment to clean up after them. They thought I'd do harm to the horses. I took that as a big insult. I had never HURT anyone in my attempts to escape. And I would never hurt animals.

I just wanted to be home…near Joseph and Katherine. It was the only place I felt safe and wanted. And no matter what I'd done or what trouble I got into, they were always there, loving me anyway. They would scold me, of course, and lecture me. Especially Katherine, who said she'd turn me into a good man if it killed her, which it might. But she never rejected me. Angry or not, she was there for me, like a real mother would be.

God, I miss her. She thinks I'm dead, they both do. Just when I came back into their lives, they think I got blown up in a car accident. I never got to even SEE her again. This has to be killing Katherine. She's a tough Irish woman but I know she loves me like a son, the only son she ever had. She IS my mother. I don't care what biology says. And I hate that she's hurting because of me. How badly I want to call her. But I can't.

Funny…I don't give a damn about what Esme and Carlisle might be feeling.

"It was a good lesson today.", Bob said, looking out over the sun soaked hills, "Good job, Ant."

I was getting used to my little nickname and I wasn't sure how I felt about that yet.

"Thanks, Bob.", I said, meaning it completely, "I really appreciate you taking the time to teach me…"

"No problem, it's fun for me.", he said, "It beats mucking out the stalls, that's for sure."

"I heard that.", I agreed, and then for a second I felt like I actually missed being in the stables with the horses. I wondered what Yoyo was up to now, and if he was alright. Weird.

"Go out one more time, I know you want to.", Bob allowed, seeing my face light up under my hat brim, "Ten minutes. We need to get back."

"Okay, thanks!", I felt like a kid as I took off, bouncing my boots into the sides of the horse and shouting, "YA!"

And I pushed through the trot, making him move faster, into the wide expanse of golden field ahead. The wind caressed my face as my body moved with the horse's. I held on with my legs, securely on the saddle as the amazing clomp of his hooves comforted me.

I saw Bob trotting around where I left him, giving Sally a little cool down before we took them back to eat.

I looked back ahead and couldn't help but feel the speed…the feeling of almost flying as I stared at Midnight Sun's black mane flying in the breeze before me.

I felt like a cowboy and I heard myself let out a "WWWWOOOOOOOOOO!"

Well, at least I didn't scream "Yee-ha!"

I laughed at how stupid I probably sounded…but I really didn't care. I wonder if I can call this horse Volvo from now on.

The ten minutes of free ride was glorious. I never wanted it to end. But too soon, it did and Bob was calling me back. I groaned and turned around…headed back over to him.

This riding was worth all the crap work I'd gone through in the stables, I'd decided as I returned to my teacher. I loved it and knew I'd feel sad when I couldn't do it everyday. It would be even harder now to do my job in the stables while the other guys were riding the horses out there. I could do a few basic things now, but I was still very new at riding. I knew it would be months, years maybe before I could really do the riding that the other rodeo guys were doing. It was rough and fast…I saw a little of it while I was working. Some of the horses would go up on two feet sometimes and that looked terrifying to me. I know I have a lot more to learn yet.

But I can run. And even if it's not that fast yet…I don't care. I feel free while I'm galloping…no one can get me. I love that feeling.

"Don't look so sad.", Bob laughed a little at me as we walked the horses back, "We'll go out again tomorrow."

"I know.", I sounded like a kid, pouting, "I just love this. I said that a few times already…I know. There's no complications…it's just…completely great!"

I didn't know if he knew what I was talking about, but he nodded, seeming to understand.

"I know, I know.", Bob agreed, grinning, "I told you you'd get hooked. I felt the same way when I started riding."

I really wanted Bob to know how much I appreciated his friendship, all his teaching, not just at riding but in the stable, too. He has been so great to me…and I'm bad at saying things like this…but…here goes.

"You're a good friend, Bob.", I heard myself say, a quiet statement but very heartfelt, adding, "Thanks."

I hoped he knew that I was talking about everything…not just today. He smiled at me and replied, "You're a good friend, too, kid. You're doing great. I'm proud of you."

And he sounded just like a Dad. Those last two sentences I would've given my right nut to hear from my own father all my life. But I never did. I almost got all misty eyed right there on the damn horse! Thank God for my hat, I could hide my eyes under it a little.

We rode back the rest of the way in silence. And it wasn't awkward. It felt like we'd been friends for years. And on the horses, just riding through fields, I almost felt like we were in an old western, riding together somewhere to vanquish some evil bunch. It was a fun little fantasy until I saw cars and stables in the distance.

Maybe it wasn't so bad here after all. Maybe…this could be home someday.

As long as I didn't have to go to prison for murder, that is.

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