Stuck In Fire 2 - Justin Bieber

Justin is finally reunited with Katie.. and that's awesome. I don't know what to write, 'cause i haven't read the story o.o IT'S NOT MIIIINE. I JUST POST IT TO READ IT :P


14. 14

Hey everyone!

I, too, think Justin did open up a bit quickly to Peter, but he didn't tell him everything. And don't forget, he's had a couple months' worth of those nightmares we saw in chapter one of this story…and he's very sick of having them. Justin never really had trouble telling Selena sexual things about himself, if you recall in TRL, in fact he even enjoyed telling her some of his job details, because it seemed to shock her so much.

It was the things about Katie, Tanya, his family…stuff like that – that he had trouble discussing. Now he has another big problem. Talking about Sir Kevin, which he absolutely doesn't want to do, with anyone. He wants to just forget it, but he can't, and that's strange for him because he's forgotten so many women he's had to perform for.

With them, he felt like he had some kind of choice…like he was still in control somehow, with most of them. He went in knowing what the "date" would be and he did it for the money and fear of what Victoria could do to his daughter. He became a machine, as Emmett tells him in TRL. So it didn't bother him much. It was his job.

But this, with Sir Kevin, was not his choice at all…and it was very long and very brutal for him. So this is the first time in years that he's really felt raped. Not only by him but also by Victoria. She had always protected him and seemed to care. But this was the ultimate betrayal. This one day of abuse…forever broke the Justin/Victoria relationship for him. He could never stay with her after this. He even, for a little while, planned on killing her, remember?

The trust was gone, even if it was false trust he had in her. And we all know Victoria would have had Sir Kevin abuse him again in the future, if she had a chance to. Or even other men…who knows? She found the ultimate punishment for him that day…and I think she enjoyed cutting him so deep, because she was hurt when she saw Justin defend Selena to her. She saw that Justin loved Selena. She wanted revenge.

Besides, just because he gave the basic problem to the Dr., doesn't mean he's going to tell all the details right away. And there will be exercies, role plays for him to take part in that he will not want to do, either. Justin will go back to being difficult, I assure you, when the therapy starts getting tough. Poor Dr. Fac! And yes, he is based on Peter Facinelli, and looks like him with the dark brown hair.

And yes, I will eventually give you his back story…I gave a couple hints there already…but you'll see.

Basically, I just wanted Dr. Pete to have the skeleton of Justin's story…so I don't have to write twenty chapters of him trying to get Justin to talk to him. You would all get bored of that real quick, I'm sure.

Whew! I'm just rambling.

Okay…let's go back to Dr. Peter's patio….mmm I wish I could be there for real!



"I can't believe I opened up so fast…", I heard myself saying to the Doc as we hung out on the patio, "When Selena first met me, I avoided her questions for weeks! I kept my mouth shut…I made it so hard for her. Then I meet you and I'm pouring my guts out."

Peter smiled and took a bite of his chip. "It's because of all her hard work with you that you were ready to talk to me. I owe her big time. She's really talented, isn't she? A student…and the way she was able to reach you…it's very rare."

"She's a genius.", I smiled wide, remembering some of our sessions, "Some of the things she did…during our therapy…were unbelievable. Once, she blindfolded me and pretended to be Victoria so I could tell her off, without actually doing it for real. It was brilliant."

"Good role play idea.", Peter said and for a second I thought he was talking about something sexual. But then he pointed out, "I mean, on a psychology level. Role plays are a very important part of therapy. We'll be doing that later."

I wasn't sure if I liked the sound of that.

"So…nothing I said tonight shocked you?", I asked him, "I mean…you looked so cool about it all…"

"Anthony, I've been doing this for awhile.", Peter gave me a smile, "I have worked with many sexually abused people…men and women alike. I've found that my best work is done there. I don't know why…it kind of chose ME, I guess."

"But I'll admit your story is unique for me.", Peter added, "I've never before had a patient that had so much happen to him by so many people…like you have. And I know your big concern right now is Sir Kevin…but, Anthony, don't fool yourself. You have many things to tackle when it comes to the six years with Victoria too. And the issues with your parents…with Tanya…and then there's your future…Marie…Katie…there is much to do. But we'll get there. One step at a time."

I had to agree with that.

"There will be times when you'll hate me.", Doc said, "I'll be asking you to do and talk about things you won't want to. But we have to do it. The reason you're still having nightmares is because you're trying to run away from the past. To do that, means never getting rid of it. And I warn you, I'm not EASY…I will push you to keep moving forward."

I nodded, liking it that he was being so straight with me. I appreciated that.

"So tell me a little bit more about these dreams you keep having.", Peter leaned back in his chair, "How do they begin?"

I took a moment to think about that before I started speaking.

"A lot of times, when I'm about to start having the nightmare…" I said, "I always hear that fucked up song…you know that one 'Down with the Sickness'?"

He gave a nod and I continued.

"I hear that part in the beginning…where the guy says 'Can you feel that?' And I do. I feel something inside me…growing…moving under my skin. Like you said, I feel like I'm getting sick…slowly…like one of those zombies in the movies. It's like…I've been bitten…and I can feel myself deteriorating from the inside out.

The music is too loud and full of static…it kills my ears…it's so real. I'm naked all the time, trying to run away from it…trying to find clothes before it gets me. I'm in a hallway of mirrors…and I couldn't find any doors…and in the reflections of the mirrors, I can see my hair falling out…and then it starts growing in…long and black…like Kevin's.

My skin is falling off…in chunks, bloody pieces…and there's tan skin underneath it. Little by little I turn into him…it's fucked up…I start screaming and smashing the glass…I'm bleeding…and then a hand comes out through the broken glass…and gets me. It drags me through by a rope around my neck…and then I'm me again…and the nightmare begins…Victoria has me…either her or Kevin…sometimes both…and I can never wake up…I'm fucking trapped. And they start going to work on me. Sometimes I have no mouth at all…so I can't even scream."

"My God.", Peter said simply, "Well I think it's time to do something about them. I think they've had you long enough, don't you?"

"Yes.", I said with no hesitation.

"Good.", Peter tapped the table with his knuckles, "And now it's time for me to give you your homework assignment. Here's where you start hating me."

"I won't hate you.", I said, knowing it.

"Alright.", he took a breath, "I want to begin dealing with Sir Kevin first. I want you to write the story…the whole day with Sir Kevin."

I felt like I'd just been smashed over the head with something large and spiky.

I sat there, dumbfounded as he went on.

"Write every detail…", he continued, his voice slow and quiet, "Write every word said between the two of you. Write what you smelled, tasted, saw…everything."

I waited…hearing the silence of the night…only the sound of crickets chirping kept me company.

"Anthony….breathe.", Peter leaned forward, his eyes on me, "Are you alright?"

I felt myself looking at him like he'd just stabbed me in the chest. I didn't mean to…but…

"You can do this, Anthony.", he assured, "I know it won't be pleasant…but…"

"I can't do that.", I heard myself say, my voice quivering, "Please, give me something else to do…don't ask me to…"

"Anthony.", Peter warned with his stare, "No more running. And please don't beg me. I only respond to monetary bribes."

He'd tried to make a joke! A god damned joke!

"But I don't think I can—"

"If you don't want that monster inside you to keep growing, you have to be brave.", he said, "You have to stop running away, stand still, then turn and face those fuckers. Sorry about that word. Once you do that, we can start making them go away. And instead of fearing that itchy demon inside you…we can put him to sleep for good. We have to get the poison out of you. This is how it's done."

"But what if—"

"Go home…and maybe tomorrow night…after your little girl goes to bed…sit down at your table…and just try writing a little bit. When it gets too hard, put it aside. Then try again the next night…and the next. Do it alone. Don't have Marie help you. This is YOUR battle."

I could hardly say anything as Peter stood up and guided me back into the living room where Selena was watching TV. She was kind of pacing around…looking nervous…worried about me, probably. When she saw me, she looked even more worried.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, taking my hand.

"Nothing.", I said, trying to smile at her.

But she wasn't stupid.

"Anthony…", Peter came over to me and handed me his card. It was an appointment card…and it was like I'd told him…next Saturday night at 8pm. Like it would slip my mind.

"I know you won't forget, but I accidentally ordered like 3,000 of these cards online.", he grinned, "I have to get rid of some."

"Good," Selena smiled, "Can I have one, too?"

"What?" Peter looked at her, a tad confused. But I wasn't surprised.

"I could use…some help too.", she said a little awkwardly, "If that's alright with you."

"Marie…I'm honored.", he looked a little shy suddenly, "When would you like to see me? Maybe after Anthony's appointment next Saturday…nine o'clock?"

"That would be perfect.", she nodded, "Thank you Doctor."

"Hang out here a sec.", Peter went back to his office, "I'll get you a card."

He jogged away and looked more like a college kid than a distinguished psychologist.

"He's cute.", she commented as she watched him jog away in his socks.

"Cute?" I asked, "That's no reason to choose him for your doctor."

"That's not why I picked him.", she said, her arm around me, "He seems great! Did you like him? How was it?"

"Really good.", I said, "Up til the end…"

That last part was so low I don't think she heard me…and Peter was coming back now, with Selena's card.

"Here you go, M'Lady.", he gave a little bow of his head…and we noticed he was wearing a court jester hat now…with red, yellow, and blue horns that had jingle bells on the ends of them. I wanted to like it…but I couldn't be into it right now. I kept picturing myself throwing up all over a piece of paper, while trying to write the words…

Selena laughed and I felt myself make a face.

"This hat thing is beginning to scare me, Doc.", I joked, "How many hats do you HAVE?"

"Mmmm….", he looked up, counting them up in his mind, "About…two hundred and thirty nine."

"Oh my God!", she giggled.

Before we left, we also got a couple of names from the doctor of child psychologists that Katie could see. He told us these names were the best of the best. We paid the bill and I noticed he only charged me for one hour, and when I got to the car, the time said 10:35pm.

"I was there for over two hours?" I asked as I started the car, "It didn't seem like it."

Selena kissed me and we went home. When I stopped the car, I didn't move from my seat.

"I knew something was wrong.", she said, "What happened? You didn't say a word all the way home. And you were shaking when you came out of his office before."

"I have a homework assignment.", I said with sarcasm and an edge to my voice, "And I don't know if I can do it."

"What is it?"

"I have to write the whole story of my day with Sir Kevin.", I revealed, "With lots of fucking detail."

"Oh my God.", she breathed, her hands holding my free right hand.

I know Dr. Selena would never force me to do such a thing.

"I can't do it.", I said flat out.

"What do you mean?", she asked.

"I mean, I'm not doing it.", I heard myself say, opening my car door, getting out.

I knew Selena would be close on my heels now…and she was. And I don't know why, but I'm angry…angry at Dr. Facinelli…angry at Selena because she's going to talk me into doing this fucked paper.

"What do you MEAN, you're not doing it?", she asked, following me to the door as I unlocked it, "You HAVE to!"

"No I don't.", I responded, not making eye contact with her as I went into the kitchen, taking the Jimmy Chan menu out of the back of my shirt, placing it on the table.

Selena ignored that and said, "What about all that talk about wanting to get better so we'll have a shot at a future together? You're just gonna quit after the very first session? You said you'd stick with it!"

I ignored her, hating myself for it.

"I'll be with you when you write it.", Selena tried as usual to help me…she said, "You can dictate it to me and I can write it."

And I hated that idea. I hated that I would have to say it out loud…and hated more that she would have to HEAR me say it. Then she'd have to write it down…she wouldn't be able to. She'd cry and try to be Dr. Selena for me again. I didn't want her to come through this door in my brain. I didn't want anyone there. Even me.

"I love you, Selena, but you can't keep wiping my ass for me.", I went to one of my bags of blue cotton candy and tore the plastic open, removing a huge chunk and sticking it into my mouth. Come on, sugar…help me.

"The doctor said not to let you help me this time.", I revealed, "He said this is my battle…whatever the fuck that means."

"I'm not trying to wipe your ASS!", she was pissed now and I didn't blame her, "I'm just trying to help you…"

"I don't WANT YOUR HELP!", I spun around to her and that statement came out so sharp…like a god damned blade aimed right at her heart.

I saw the pain in her eyes and I hated myself instantly. I began to take a step towards her to beg for her forgiveness…but she flinched back away from me.

"Fine.", she looked at me and I saw tears in her eyes, "You have your doctor now and you don't want or need me or my help anymore, great. After all, I'm just a fucking murderer, apparently. One that took YOUR trash out for you! But you don't want my help. Whatever."

"What are you talking about?" I furrowed my brow.

"On the pond today, you told Katie you're so glad she's not a murderer.", she shouted at me, the tears falling down both cheeks now.

My stomach almost burst.

"That had nothing to do with YOU!", I felt ill suddenly, "I was kidding about the fucking FISH! I wasn't even THINKING about you or Victoria…"

"Things come out when we least expect sometimes.", she said, wiping her eye, wanting to be angry at me, not sad.

"Please, Selena, you have to believe me…I would never think that—"

"I have to go to bed.", she cut me off, "I'm tired. I had to baby sit children all day."

She was walking away and I tried to follow her, saying, "Selena, wait…please talk to me."

"No!", she walked away faster, "Dr. Selena's not in! Leave me alone!"

She slammed her door on me and I stood there for a long time, listening…I could hear her sniffling…crying. She was a soft crier, not like me.

"I'm sorry.", I whispered, feeling tears in my own eyes…my fingertips lightly stroking the door, as if it were her hair.

I wanted to smash my fist into something hard…and break my own hand. But I have to be at work on Monday. Fuck.

I pulled on my own hair, making it hurt as I stood there, hating it that I was hurting her. I didn't blame her. I was going back on everything I'd promised her. I'm such a prick.

My feet led me into the kitchen…and I was staring at the stove…unable to turn away from it.

I wish I could burn myself. NO! my inner voice shouted, don't even think about it.

Instead, I rummaged around the kitchen drawers…and found one of Selena's extra notebooks. I brought my cotton candy bag to the table with me and took a pen from the pencil holder in the center of the round table, clicking it.

One huge bite of the cotton candy first…then I let out a huge breath, looking up. Please help me, someone…whoever…just don't let me be alone in this. Stay with me.

I closed my eyes…and there was Sir Kevin, smirking at me.

Okay, you fucker. I'm not running. I'm here. And I'm not chained up now. In fact, I pictured myself holding a long, shining samurai sword. Something I saw at Jimmy Chan's place earlier.

I felt better with that in hand…and I put the pen to the blank paper. The pen is mightier than the sword after all. Okay, Bieber, you fucking cornball.

"Let's dance, bitch!", I sneered at him, sounding more like Clint Eastwood in an old movie than myself.

And I wrote the first sentences:

I was kneeling in the dungeon, nude, waiting for my mistress. I was waiting to be punished, so I was in that position, perfectly displayed as she liked me to be. My arms folded tight behind my back, knees together, head down, eyes closed. I made my body and posture just right, not wanting to displease her even further. I could smell the familiar scent of leather and cedar wood…that musky smell of an old basement…I could feel the rough, gritty cement floor under my knees…it used to hurt me but now I was used to that tingle of pain. I waited for her…knowing she'd make me wait a little while…wanting my mind to wander, to fear and imagine what punishment she'd bring this time.

Instead, though, I kept thinking of Selena…of her smile…her laugh…the way she wept when I left her that morning…she loves me. I still couldn't believe it.

Even if we don't get to be together…these last two weeks were enough to keep me smiling for the rest of my life. I'd always have them to look back on…no matter what else I had to go through from here. She made me a man…with her I was REAL, flesh and blood..not a shadow.

Whatever the punishment is, it was worth it, I told myself, smiling a little.

And then I heard HER high heels clicking down the hallway…coming for me.



That was the first night…that I truly hated Justin Bieber.

Well, I love him, but I hate him. I knew it was too good to be true, that perfect Daddy and boyfriend act the other morning…Eduardo making me breakfast. He's still playing roles…he's still wearing his masks…he just added a few new ones that I'd never seen before. And replaying a couple of the ones he knows I enjoyed in the past.

Who was the real Justin? Have I even met him yet?

It had been such a perfect day. He held me as the sunset and said he loved me…US…including Katie in…I really felt like we were a family then. I had hope everything would be okay. And then when he said that about marrying me in the car…I nearly cried! It was such a big step for him, saying he wanted to get better before he married me. I couldn't believe it. But I let myself believe it. I wanted to believe it. But in reality, no one heals this fast, just like that.

It will take years for Justin to be alright. I have to accept that and make friends with it. There will be lots of hard times…there will be fights and arguments. This wouldn't be the first or the last. If I want my happy ever after ending…if there is such a thing…it will take a lot of work, a lot of strength on my part as well as his.

We may never get married. We might just live together like this. And that's okay with me. Marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything. But what about me having children of my own someday? Would that happen? How could I raise a baby with all this going on? Would it still be going on years from now? Would I ever get a chance to just rest and be happy, with no worries?

It won't work. It will NOT succeed, WE won't succeed, if he's willing to quit this easily. I know this assignment is hard…it's damn hard and I couldn't imagine myself having to do it if I were in his shoes, but…it's what his doctor thinks is best. It's a treatment that has worked on many, many patients before him. If other women or men had done this, why is Justin so special that he feels he shouldn't have to?

Therapy is not easy for anyone but you have to try it. You have to risk it. I don't think Justin has the guts to risk anything more right now and I hate thinking that.

I love him…I want to be with him, I DO. But I don't know if I can keep playing his little game. He wants to be healed one day…and an hour later, he doesn't. This hurts too much. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I feel like something inside me is dying…something beautiful that he and I shared…and I am so scared!

I didn't sleep all night…I just paced and thought…and cried. I tried to be logical and think it all through…but my emotions were too caught up in it all…and in the end, they won out.

I didn't know what time it was and I didn't even care. I opened my door and went into the kitchen, looking for Justin. I was going to drag him by the scruff of his neck back to Dr. Facinelli so we could all three of us sit in a room and I could have my say. I had to know what he thought and what he suggested we do. But Justin was not going to get away with this. He was going to go to therapy or else!

I marched out into the kitchen, seeing the light still on over the table. I thought maybe he'd be asleep on the couch or in his own room…but he wasn't. He was sitting at the kitchen table, his arms folded over something, his unruly reddish brown hair sticking up from under them. I heard a little snore come out of him and I moved closer.

There was a big, empty plastic bag next to him where the cotton candy had been. And upon further inspection, he had a pen in one hand. His hands looked more like fists as he slept…and I came around so I could get a better look at his face. There were puffy red lines under the eye of his I could see, and long, white-ish tear stains on his cheek.

His lips were slightly blue and I nearly had a heart attack! But when I touched them, I realized it was the blue sugar from the cotton candy he was eating.

I couldn't see what was written on it…but I could see a notebook under his arms.

He was doing his homework assignment. All on his own.

I shivered and put a hand to my mouth so I wouldn't sob too loudly, and wake him up.

But I couldn't leave him here. He'd be so sore tomorrow.


(**Warning: Victoria flashback!**) (It's not that bad this time….but later, in future chapters, it will be.)

I was laying on my stomach, hogtied, my hands and feet meeting behind me bound with so much rough rope it was already breaking some of my skin. But I couldn't worry about that now…I had angered Victoria and she was punishing me hard tonight.

Her ass was bare and in my face as I laid on the table…

"Get your face in there!", Victoria shouted, making me reach for her with my head, "Smell it! Get your nose in my ass and smell it good!"

I did it, inhaling and burying my face in the pale white flesh…that little pink ring staring at me as obeyed, not saying a word.

"You fucking pig!", Victoria shoved her asshole into my face more, "Beg for my ass, you little bitch! Beg me!"

"Please let me lick your ass, Mistress, please, please!", I always threw myself 150% into the begging…some men didn't sound very convincing when they were ordered to speak…I always was. I played my part well, always.

"I need to lick it…please…", I almost panted, as if my need for her was so great.

"Lick it pig.", she allowed me and I immediately lunged my tongue out as far as I could. She moved away from me, half my body was nearly off the table but she was making me work for it.

"Uuuhhhh…", I tried to inch my body off the desk more, to get to her…

"That's right, SQUIRM!", she looked behind her at me, "Crawl like the fucking worm you are!"

I was almost there and she took one hand, spreading her ass cheek away from that little tight hole so I could have access to it.

"Good boy….reach for it.", she guided, "Reach for it…lick it! All around…nice and wet…you're SO fucking disgusting…"

I made my tongue do anything to please her…I ignored the taste and just licked with all my might, using all my juices…my hot saliva…anything to make her calm down again.

"Oh yea….", she moaned, "Don't STOP…harder! You want to eat tonight, don't you, bitch?"

I didn't answer, I just kept licking and swirling my tongue…

Then she got mad again and she turned a bit, slapping my face hard.

"Fucking answer me when I ask you a question!", she shouted, slapping the same side of my face again, "Do you want to eat tonight, pig?"

"Yes Mistress.", I panted.

"Fuck you.", she turned and put her ass back in my face, "Lick it! HARD! I will beat your fucking penis if you don't stop playing with me! Do it right! Taste my shit!"

"Nnnnn…", I made a sound of fear as my tongue worked twice as hard…and I tried to insert it, wiggling and wetly slapping my tongue against her tight little opening…

"You lazy fuck!", she looked back at me with a scowl on her face, "Work that god damned tongue or I'll cut it with razors and pour lemon juice in your mouth!"

I moaned and shoved my tongue inside that hole…all the way….and I made my tongue spasm wildly in every direction…inside her.

Now she was screaming and her hands went back to grab my hair, pinning me there, telling me not to stop now. I wouldn't.

Then, suddenly, I was on my knees, on the floor of her dining room. My ankles were bound together and my arms were bound behind me at the elbow and again at the wrists. And she was naked, before me, sitting on the table edge, her legs spread wide…her pussy right in front of my nose.

She held a leather whip with lots of strands hanging out of it…and she slapped it against my back, the lashing sounds echoing in the air while I plunged my tongue into her white and pink folds.

"Is that all you got?", she asked, whipping me over and over again as I went harder, "You eat pussy a lot better when you're getting beat, don't ya?"

"Yes Mistress…", I said quickly, lapping at her and taking a nibble of her clit.

"I can't believe you're making me work to get a decent cunt licking, you lazy WHORE!", she lashed me twice more while I sucked and licked her at top speed, "If you like pain, I have canes and whips with hooks in 'em…you want that, bitch?"

"No Mistress…please…", I dived back into her…devouring her.

"You're so fucking spoiled…", she whipped me again and again as I licked and sucked…"Well, no more…you're gonna WORK from now on, every minute of the day and night!"

I just kept trying to please her…doing my best tongue and mouth work…

"You will scrub the fucking floor…you'll clean out the toilets with your bare hands…" she gave me my list of chores that I'd do after we were finished.

"Yes Mistress…yes…", I breathed, trying to please her with my mouth…wishing she'd just allow me to…

"You'll make dinner, take out the garbage…and wash the dishes…you lazy bitch…you do everything!", she demanded, "You'll even paint my fucking toe nails! You're MY bitch now! Got that?"

"Yes, Mistress, everything, I swear…I'll do it…" I said in between her pussy lips…

This is back when she had first paid off my debt to those loan sharks. She basically bought me for fifty grand. I owed her and she intended to collect. She told me if I didn't do all she said, she'd give me back to them, wrapped up with a big red bow on my head. And my daughter would never get her operations. I wouldn't let that happen.

But she'd told me first I had to prove myself worthy of her. For a couple months, I'd have to show her my devotion. And if she was happy with me, she'd train me to be her slave…and her new dancer.

"Lick the CLIT you fucking moron!", she screamed and I centered on that little button between her legs…."Pretty isn't EVERYTHING, is it?"

"No mistress."

"Tell me you'll do everything I tell you from now on!", she whipped me over and over again, hitting my spine in the same spot with every blow, "Say it, you spineless CUNT!"

I grunted out in pain and tried to ravish that clit at the same time.

"Yes Mistress, anything! Anything!" I promised, "I'll do everything you say."

"Make me cum!", she demanded, "Get on that clit now or I'll fucking BURN your cock!"

"Yes…yes…" I moved my tongue around with all I had in me…not allowing numbness or exhaustion to get in.

"A nice curling iron would feel good on that cock, wouldn't it, bitch?" she whipped me again harder as I growled out slightly, my tongue still going strong. She began to lay back on the table…her voice ragged and deep with desire. I had found the right spot!

"Yes Mistress…", I agreed. She loved it when I agreed to the pain.

She was writhing and growling in heat…I was doing well, finally! But I knew even then…she was getting off on my total submission to her. That was her power. That was her excitement. Demeaning me.

"YES YES YES YES YES!", she arched her back…"Don't FUCKING STOP, DON'T or I'll kill you!"


When I woke up, I didn't jerk or feel afraid. Dreams of Victoria were nothing but memories now…and compared to the Sir Kevin dreams…I'd prefer her every time.

I had gotten very used to Victoria's cruelty and her lack of caring about me. Once in awhile, she'd throw me a little bone and be nice…but it never lasted for long.

But now I was feeling what had woken me up. Kisses…so small and tender…I knew it wasn't Victoria…I opened my eyes slowly, squinting in the light overhead…and saw Selena.

She was bent over me, her hair tickling my face as she moved her lips against my eyelid.

"Selena…", I felt my chest tighten, still hating myself for our fight earlier. It was all my fault…and maybe that's why I had let myself slip into the dreams of Victoria…I knew I needed to be punished. And I got some of that in my sleep, although it wasn't as painful as Victoria could get with me. She could call me all kinds of names and insult me…I didn't care. I thought I deserved someone like her back then, for letting Tanya die…for failing my daughter. I WANTED her wrath.

"I'm sorry, Justin…", she whispered, tracing her fingers over my lips as I closed my eyes and reverently kissed them.

"I'm SO sorry.", she said again and I saw her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, too.", I held her so tight in my arms, holding on for dear life, as if I thought I'd never see her again, and my voice cracked…my body trembled. After my dream, I realized how lucky I am to have this fucking goddess in my arms. Someone who truly loves ME, even if I'm only half a man at the moment.

We held each other and just cried. There were no speeches necessary. It was all because of me…because I let her down after I'd promised. Suddenly, I remembered and straightened up, grabbing the notebook in front of me.

"Selena!", I took a jagged breath and didn't bother to wipe my tears, and I offered the notebook to her in my two hands, like it was an ancient scroll or something, "I did it! I mean…I started it! I'm sorry, please forgive me. I WILL do my homework!"

God, I sound like a five year old kid that had a tantrum. Maybe Selena's right. I am a juvenile delinquent.

She almost laughed but just smiled at me, her hand moving my hair back away from my eyes.

"I know.", she didn't look at the notebook, just me, "I'm sorry too. I should have believed in you more. Don't tell anyone, but I'm not as perfect as I pretend to be."

"You are perfect.", I shook my head, the tears coming on harder now, "You're…"

I had no words to tell her how much I loved her and I just took her into my arms again, letting the notebook fall to the floor. I smothered her with love, hoping it was enough…hoping it would say all I couldn't.

"It's okay, baby…" she rubbed my back with her hands as she held me, "I'm with you. I love you. I'll never leave. I'm sorry for the way I acted."

"No.", I looked at her and I felt her wipe the tears from my right cheek, "You were right. I made a promise to you. And our lives depend on me keeping that promise. You walked away from your whole life to be with me…I know that was hard…and still is…for you. I'm not going to quit now because this is hard for me. I'm going THROUGH this…not around it anymore."

"I'm going through WITH you.", she kissed my lips again, then smiled up at me, "Thank you for not quitting. I know I can't always help…and that's a little hurt that I have to deal with…but I'm always going to be in your corner…cheering you on…and when the bad stuff comes back again…I'll be sitting right here next to you…if that's okay."

"Definitely ok." I touched her hair, "You're my AIR, Selena. I couldn't even start the first step of this without you."

She kissed me and grabbed at the back of my hair…and I loved the roughness of her fingers.

"Here.", I picked up the notebook and turned back to the first page, giving it to her.

"You don't have to give this to me, Justin.", she kept looking at me, not the page below her.

"I know, but look!", I turned some of the pages…"It was pure shit, but I got through the first hour or so I had with him. I would've done more, but…I…needed a little break. I guess I fell asleep."

"Crying?" she asked, no judgment in her eyes.

I looked down. I didn't want to lie to her anymore. "Maybe…"

She put her finger under my chin and made me look at her.

"Yes.", I blinked, "I'm a big fast pussy, aren't I?"

"No, Justin.", she frowned, then softened her face…"You've been through something terrible. And even if your head forgets it for awhile…your body remembers. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time. Sometimes you'll be on top of the world, screaming like a kid from a treetop…and other times, you'll cry for no good reason, for hours maybe. That's okay. You have every right to cry, after all you've been through. You've held it inside for so long…it's good that it's coming out now. Don't ever feel ashamed of what you feel, sweetheart. Especially not with me."

"I know…", I answered, "I just hate fighting with you. I'm not used to it. And I hate it when I hurt you. I made you cry. I could STAB myself for that. And I would, if I didn't know it would hurt you even more."

"Justin…my God. There will be hard times and arguments.", Selena informed, "We will have some big blowouts, I'm sure, from time to time. But don't ever think that I don't love you anymore. That'll never be true. You really piss me off sometimes…and I might even hate your guts…"

And we both laughed as she said that.

"…but I'm always yours.", she finished, "Forever. We're partners."

I nodded, a small smile on my mouth, adding, "For life."

I remembered what Selena once told me…Gomezs mate for life.

"For life.", she confirmed…then she took the notebook and closed it, slowly handing it back to me.

"I love you, Justin.", she gave a weak smile, "And it really pains me to do this, because I want to keep helping you…but the doctor was right. This is your fight, not mine. I'm in it with you…but I can't keep stealing your chances to stand on your own…and face your demons. I'm at your back, fighting them, too. But there are some things…I don't have to know. Later, when you're stronger…if you want to show this to me…I'll read every word. But for now, it's yours. Yours and Peter's. I really do want to know all your pain…all of it. But I'll wait until you're truly ready to share it with me. Is that alright?"

Selena used to hate that question, because I asked it of her all the time, always the sub, asking permission. Now she was asking for mine. She was too good for me. But I'd be damned if I'd tell her that and scare her away.

I looked down at the notebook and couldn't find any words…until finally some came.

"Damn it, Selena.", I smirked, "You are going to be one Hell of a doctor someday. So many people are going to be saved because of you…do you know that?"

"There goes my little sap again."

"No, for real!", I felt my brow crease, "You have such a gift. You're so lucky to have it…and to know what you were put on the earth to do. And to be able to help other people…I envy you that."

"You have gifts too.", she responded.

"Like what?", I scoffed, "Saying 'yes mistress' and 'no mistress'? Cleaning out horse stalls?"

"Raising a daughter.", Selena raised a brow at me.

Damn. She gets me again.

"If you do nothing else in your entire lifetime, you're raising a child.", she wiped my other cheek with affectionate fingers, "There's no greater job in the world than that. And Justin, there WILL be more. How could there NOT be more for someone like you? With so much love to give?"

"Yes, Selena.", I used my old phrase…one she used to hate. But I think it fit nicely here.

"Don't give me that yes Selena…" she playfully mussed up my hair with both hands while I laughed.

"Let's get some sleep.", she yanked me up to my feet, and I took the notebook with me as I came along, "It'll be so nice to sleep late tomorrow…with my sweet white boy in my arms…"

I smiled back at her, loving the way that sounded.

"Don't get mad…and don't take this the wrong way…" I began, "But sometimes, I wish…or wonder…what it'd be like if you were my Mistress. You and me together…that way…MAN! Forget about it!"

Selena laughed and I was relieved as we crawled into my bed together.

"I've thought about kicking your ass a few times since we moved in together.", she teased, "I have to admit…and to have you all tied and helpless to stop me…the temptation would be too great, probably."

"Aww, you wouldn't hurt me.", I smiled as I laid on my side, the blue moonlight streaming in upon us, "You're much too sweet…"

"I have my dark sides, too, you know.", she made a strict face at me…but I wasn't fooled.

I snickered.

"We just made up and you're actually trying to piss me off again?" she grinned, "What a brat you are!"

"What would you do to me…", I whispered, moving my hand down her leg under the quilt, "If I were all tied up…naked…waiting for you here in this bed?"

"Justin, go to sleep."

"I wanna see your dark side…", I breathed into her ear, letting my tongue lick around it's edge…my hot exhale trickling inside…"You can show it to me…."

She closed her eyes and I gave her one of my sexy smiles…loving it when I could drive her crazy.

"You DON'T wanna see it.", she was blushing and I knew it even if I couldn't see it, "It's fucking terrifying. You couldn't handle it."

I wanted to say dirty things to her. I wanted to call her Mistress and ask her in breathless purrs how I could serve her. But even I know that's too fucked up for us right now. She would turn into Dr. Selena and start saying how I was looking for Victoria in her and blah blah blah….I didn't feel like being analyzed and measured right now.

I just wanted to play with her…but I know I'm too sick to do that yet.

It didn't really matter. Just being with Selena made me happy. We could be playing checkers for all I care and I'd be fine with it. Well, maybe naked checkers.

How long will I be a walking hormone, constantly in a state of perpetual heat? I have two modes: Sad and horny. Wait, THREE modes: Sad, horny, and goofy.

"And what is THIS?", Selena suddenly frowned at me, grabbing a fistful of my shirt.

"My shirt." I said stupidly.

"And what's rule number one around here when no children are in the house?" she asked.

"Sex?" I scooted closer to her like a big dog, panting like he was just offered a treat.

But she stopped me with her hand against my heart.

"NO!", she frowned, squinting her eyes at me, "Not for YOU! You've been SO awful tonight! And you have the BALLS to ask for sex!"

Oooh. I like this Selena. And she's right…she IS a little scary.

"I'm sorry. You're right, Selena.", I said quietly, ashamed of myself, wondering what she'd say next. This is great!

"Rule number one when no kids are around…NO SHIRT. Any of this ringing a bell, beautiful?" she knocked on my forehead with her fist, not hitting it very hard.

"Ohhhh yeaaaa.", I remembered now…the no shirt rule. How I wish there were a no pants rule.

"Wow, look at that…a little light blinked on!", Selena smirked at me, waiting, "Finally."

"I never said I was a GENIUS.", I played along, and she gave me a real Selena smile as I pulled my head out of the shirt, about to pull it off my arms.

"Stop…right there.", she put her hand on my arms…and I saw the sleeves were still around my wrists… the shirt loosely pooled there. It wasn't restraining me but I could pretend it was. If nothing else, I was a great pretender.

"Yes, Selena…" I whispered, my eyes so heavy with lust I could hardly keep them open.

"Mmmmm….", she shoved me onto my back and leaned over me…her eyes roaming over every line and curve of my torso…her fingers began stroking around my neck…and achingly slowly…she made these feather light strokes over my shoulders…then down my arms…then, at last, to my chest…she put her finger into her mouth and withdrew it very carefully, it took forever but I watched eagerly…then I nearly cried out when she placed her hot, wet finger on my nipple…circling around it with that same agonizing speed.

Her fingers touched me as if I were something precious…like I was brand new, never before in the hands of another. And for a moment, I felt that way.

"So beautiful…", she whispered, "Inside…and out…"

I heard a big breath exhale from me as I enjoyed that…closing my eyes. Then I felt her flick that nipple with her fingernails and I let out a little yelp of arousal.

She smiled at me and gently rolled me a little bit towards her, moving me as if I were incapable of doing it myself. I was almost her doll at the moment…and loving every second of it.

And then she lowered her head to my other nipple, the one close to her now…and I felt her burning, velvet tongue lap at it once. I moaned, praying for more, peeking at her face as she came in again…wanting more of me.

Fuck, being a slave was NEVER this fucking good! If it were, I'd still be there, painting Victoria's goddamn TOES!

But I knew the difference right away. She is pleasing ME. And herself. She's not getting a thrill out of my pain. And it was so fucking marvelous…feeling this way. I can never lose Selena. I'd die.

I don't care if Peter asks me to dance naked on his desk next week, I'll do it! I'll do whatever it takes to keep this woman in my arms…in my bed…sucking my flesh. OW! A little bite! My Selena…my valedictorian, my masterpiece! And I had to do it…and use Katie's line…

"Bite me, Selena…" I breathed, looking down at her head on my pecks…I wouldn't mind her teeth sinking into my flesh and muscle…sharing her essence with me…her DNA mixing with my blood…I could use some magical elixir to kill the scum Victoria and Sir Kevin had injected into me.

I closed my eyes…and clenched my fists…pretending that they were sealed in concrete. I would not move…I would obey her…and let her play with me forever if she liked. I knew it was wrong to think this way…but I couldn't help it. Maybe I was still a slave in my heart…but if I was her slave…that was my honor…my dream come true. To love my Mistress…to love Selena…it was what I was living for.

It made me a better person, a better father…and I would keep getting better…and in time…maybe I wouldn't be this subservient thing she sees before her now. But still, it made me happy that she could love this slave…and not make him feel like less because of the mental chains that still clung onto him.

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