Stuck in fire - Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez Kapitel 17-40

En historie der blev slettet på et andet site, som min veninde og jeg følger med i. Bare ignorer den ;)


9. 25

Well, while we all know Carlisle and Esme were very screwed up parents, I think, now that they are sober, and getting therapy, they do realize all their mistakes and that Justin was innocent in all this. They know at this point, they can't give him love or fix all the people they've hurt, but they do have money, and they can give that. Guilt is very powerful and hard to escape. They both knew they had to make things right with Justin, or at least try to, for their own peace of mind, if they want to really try to heal and have a real life now.

Also, Carlisle said he loved Tanya. And, as Justin said, if he really loved Tanya, then he can do something for Katie, who is a living, breathing part of Tanya. I think Justin saw that C & E are doing better now, and so he allowed them a chance to salvage themselves by offering them the chance to show their love to Katie. If they were still drug addicts or hateful people, he'd never let them near her. But I think they do really want to make some kind of amends, and if it's too late to love Justin, it's still not too late to be good grandparents to Katie.

Maybe, over time, if they do show that they are loving grandparents, Justin might even be friendly with them again someday. It won't be a big, loving family type of love, but maybe, in time, Justin can even have them come over on Thanksgivings and Christmases and have a nice time with them around. Of course, Katherine and Joseph will be there, too.

C & E did a lot of screwed up things and they hurt Justin a lot, but in the beginning, they weren't evil people. They just let a lot of crap ruin a nice family they could've been. Looking at it from the other side, Katherine got the chance to have a son and raise him to be a good man and loving father, and some good came out of all that pain.

I don't know if I'm going to reveal who Justin's real father is, I don't know if it's that important to the story. I don't want every character in the story to be somehow tied in to each other, that would just be too coincidental and not realistic. This man could've just been a young doctor who found Esme attractive that night…and maybe he was a little drunk, too, they fooled around a little, and things went too far. He shouldn't have forced her, and maybe he was ashamed and disgusted with himself afterwards. Maybe he left town so he wouldn't be caught and lose his career.

And yes, Justin does look a lot like the man who raped Esme, and that's why it's so hard for her to look at Justin, let alone hug or kiss him. Justin even has the man's voice, so…that's why Esme couldn't bond or find herself loving Justin.

Well, let me get back to the story! Thanks, again, for all the great reviews! Love ya!



I laid next to Dr. Selena, and it felt so right, even if it was inappropriate and unprofessional in the eyes of the medical world.

Unashamed, I let the tears fall down my face and her gaze never made me feel weak or pathetic. She faced me now, both of us laying on our sides, staring at each other, safe and warm in the cocoon of each other's embrace.

She never wiped my tears away and I was glad. She wanted me to cry, to feel the hurt and release it in the salty liquid water that melted from my eyes that would rather adore her than weep.

It took me a long time to process all the things my parents had said and to verbalize the most painful questions.

Without thinking, I heard myself say, "My father was a rapist."

What a family…he steals sex…and I sell it.

My eyes closed as she intensified her stare into me. Now I felt ashamed. I thought of the day I attacked Selena right here in her apartment…and how easy it had been.

"Hey.", she said, her voice stern, "Look at me, Justin."

I made my eyes open and hers were right there, waiting to pounce.

"You're not your father.", she began, starting my therapy already, "And he may have forced himself, but that doesn't make him a rapist. There are two sides to every story. Your mother said she had too much to drink. Maybe he did, too. She was kissing him in the beginning. I'm not saying that he was right or that he didn't do anything wrong…but maybe he thought she wanted him. Maybe he knew later what he did was wrong. Maybe not. No one knows. Don't do that to yourself, Justin. Even if it was rape and he knew what he was doing, that doesn't make you something less than what you are. That's HIM. You are you. A whole separate person. You were right when you said what you said to your parents. You have to let the past be the past. When I met you, you were so hidden from me. You had so many walls up around you, I never thought I'd see the real you. It still amazes me, what you've done in two weeks. I think you WANTED to break free…and that's why it was so quick when I began to try to reach you. You wanted help. And that makes you more than Carlisle, Esme, your father, all of them. Look what happened to them when they refused to be real and get help. It makes me feel good that I've chosen this profession for myself. Some people think psychiatry is stupid and useless, but I've always known it could save lives. Now I see that, proven. You have to close the door on this past. You have to walk away and leave it there. Don't let it kill you. Walk forward, towards the future. Walk to Katie. Do right there…and you've broken this cycle of sadness and pain. Don't forget it, because you can never forget your past. But learn from it. Let it make you into something better than you were before. Let it make you a better Daddy for Katie…so she can grow up and be a good Mom for her kids."

This woman has a soul that heals me, inside and out, even after all my parents had said to me. A short time ago, I'd be devastated right now. But, somehow, with her, and the way she explained things to me…I couldn't believe I was feeling hope…and strength…and a feeling of freedom.

My voice wouldn't speak but my lips had to confess again my love for her, and my appreciation for the miracles she was performing inside my mind.

I brought her hand to my mouth that I was holding, and my kiss softly rained like hot little drops over her fingertips, my closing eyes releasing two more tears…but these were not tears of pain. I couldn't say they were joyful tears, either, but I felt like something in me was gone…there was a beautiful void where once I had tons of shame piled up, and stored a large self loathing, boxes full of uncertainty and anger, and the biggest of all, a gigantic beast that gobbled up all of my self esteem and licked his fingers clean afterwards.

I didn't feel them anymore. And I cried, so relieved to be free of their hard weight. Now I have lots of space to put afternoons with Katie, and I can play the music of her little belly laughter. I have lots of room for Selena, too, shelves dedicated to her many different kisses, the images of her beautiful face and body as we became one in so many ways, all of them amazing. I have loads of room now for visits with Katherine and Joseph, I can almost hear her irish accent screaming "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" when I appear at her door. She will crush me and deafen me with her screams as she holds me, but I so look forward to that.

And in that moment, I truly thanked God. Yes…I do believe in you, you bastard. I have to if there is a Katie, a Selena, a Katherine in this world. So, I was wrong, alright? You are real. Maybe, if I can in some small way forgive Carlisle and Esme Bieber, I can perhaps…forgive you too. I still don't understand or agree why you'd have to rob me of my wife and Katie of her mother, but someday you will explain it all to me. Unless you've already penned my name in for Hell, and I would totally understand if you did that. But from now on, I'm going to be different. Not to save myself from an eternity of flame and torture…but so that when I go, I can look back and see some good things that I did on this earth before my time was up. Even if that one thing is Katie, grown up and happy with her own family, that's enough for me.

The only other thing bothering me now was Tanya. And I said it out loud.

"Why would Tanya not tell me?", I whispered, "Do you think she still loved Carlisle or something? Maybe she loved him more than me."

Selena kissed my nose and pondered for a moment.

"She loved you, Justin.", Selena stated without thinking twice, "She loved Katie. I just think she was carrying a lot of guilt too. Maybe she was afraid if she told you, she would lose you. She shouldn't have kept it all inside, but she loved you so much she wanted to make things right. I think she blamed herself for all your…father…I mean, Carlisle, put you through. I think she saw you weren't cruel or cold like Carlisle, but she didn't want to take a chance on losing you. The pressure got to be too much, later on, I think, for her. Things weren't working out the way she'd hoped and she felt like a failure because she couldn't send you off to college and medical school like she'd dreamed. That's why I think the lack of love making happened in the end. It wasn't you. You can't really make love to someone else when you're hurting inside and don't love yourself. Maybe at times, it did make her feel weird, being with you after she had been with your father that way. I'm just guessing. No one but her could really tell you everything."

I think Selena's right…again. Damn, that can get annoying sometimes, how she's always perfectly right. But I couldn't fault her for it right now.

"The way Carlisle was just acting, towards Esme…", I confessed, "I was acting the same way with Tanya. I accused her of not loving me, I always made insinuations that she was cheating on me. I hated it, but I saw myself in Carlisle's eyes just now. I wish I could tell Tanya how sorry I am. That I don't hate her. That I loved her."

"You just told her, Justin.", Selena kissed my hand now and I saw she had tears in her eyes, too.

"I'd never get through all this without you, Selena.", I replied, never more honest in my life, "You're more than just the woman I love. You're my lighthouse. You made me see…you show me the way…you bring me home to shore."

God, I sound like a romantic novel. But it's true. Sappy…and the most truth I had spoken in a long, long time.

"You've been in that raging ocean for too long, Mr. Bieber.", she smiled sweetly at me, "It's nice to see your feet on the ground."

God, I love you, IsaSelena GOmez.

"I have a good idea.", she brightened suddenly as my eyes opened a bit more, drinking her in as she half-sat up, on her elbow, "Why don't you call Katherine and Joseph now?"

"Oh, I don't know…", I began, not sure if I was ready for that. What if they were mad at me or something for just leaving and not trying to call all this time? I couldn't bear it if she hung up on me or something just as awful.

"Come on, this'll be good for you. Love is the best medicine, remember?", she urged, getting up and then coming back with my cell phone, tossing it to me.

It bounced off my chest and landed on the bed beside me.

"What happened to strong Justin?", she stroked my hair as she sat next to me again.

"Alright, damn.", I pretended to frown at her, then smiled as I scrolled to Katherine's name in my contact list, "Hope the number's not changed."

I waited and felt my heart pounding at the ring sounded twice.

"Bieber Manor. May I help you?", her irish voice was so beautiful, just like I always remembered. But she sounded tired, without her energy.

"Katherine?", I grinned, "I missed the bus, can you come pick me up from school?"

I used to do this to her all the time. She would be livid and read me the riot act, telling me to be more responsible and not to hang around after school talking to my friends instead of getting my ass to the bus on time. But I still called her endlessly with this request…and she always came to get me.

She was gasping now…unable to say anything…then she was crying.

"Katherine, please…don't cry…", I felt tears in my own eyes now. I didn't admit it or realize just how much I had missed her.

"My boy…", she breathed, trying to get her voice back, "My beautiful boy…"

This was my nickname, what she always called me. I hadn't felt beautiful for years, and I felt this sudden shame and guilt about all the things I'd done in the last few years, using my 'beauty" to earn a sleazy living. But, at the moment, I couldn't hate myself or feel any guilt about that. I felt guilty for letting years go by without talking to her, for not even writing…for letting her slip out of my life.

We talked for a long time and she scolded me for walking out that night without coming to talk to her first. Her fiery spirit was back, just like that, and she was the strong, fierce mother I'd always adored.

I told her all about marrying Tanya, and went on forever about Katie. We talked as if we never spent a minute apart, crying over the sorrows of each other's lives…and laughing as we shared good memories back and forth.

Then I told her about Selena GOmez. Selena smiled at me and blushed as I showered her with compliments and told Katherine how important she was to me. I said that Selena brought me back to life…and that I had found love again, when I never thought it would happen to me twice in a lifetime.

I didn't tell her about my time at Fire, or my slave life, or Victoria. It would break her heart and I couldn't do that to her again.

I kept apologizing to her, and she would only apologize in return. She said she stayed with Carlisle and Esme, only because she knew I'd call or come back someday. And as for the reason she never contacted me, that was Carlisle.

Carlisle told her I said I hated all of them and I never wanted to see any of their faces again, even the "help" he told her I'd said. As if I'd ever call her of Joseph the help. I want to go to the Waldorf and beat Carlisle's ass now.

I told her I'd never have said that, I told her she is my mother…and that I didn't say it enough, but, that I love her. I always loved her.

We cried some more, as she declared her love for me in return. It was nice to hear again, but I always knew she loved me. Her every word and gesture dripped with love for me, always, even when she got mad at me and told me off.

She scolded herself, saying she knew that was horse shit and she should've known better. "I raised you to be a good boy.", she sniffed, "I know how kind you are. I'm sorry I let myself believe such a thing."

The call had lasted for hours but I felt so fucking good, talking with her again, that I couldn't seem to say goodbye. I was afraid maybe she'd get in trouble, but then I realized Carlisle and Esme were in New York, she's at their house, she won't get caught on the phone. The boss wasn't home, so she only had to make dinner for herself and Joseph, anyway, unless there were new people working there now.

Selena laid next to me on the bed, closing her eyes, smiling, enjoying hearing me this happy after my parent's visit earlier, glad her suggestion brought more healing into my heart.

Katherine tried to locate Joseph so I could talk to him, but he was off the grounds, tending to something else. She made me give her my phone number so she could call me again. I gave her my cell, simply saying it was the best number to reach me on. I told her I wanted them back in my life, as often as possible. I want to talk to them at least three or four times a week I said, if they wouldn't get too sick of me.

"Stop talking that shit.", she said in her impudent accent, "You're my son, you better call me all the time, boy, or there'll be Hell to pay, kiddo!"

"I know, sorry, forgot who I was talking to.", I chuckled, all traces of sad tears gone now.

It felt like the call was coming to an end…and I hated it. But I felt like I had just gotten a whole new skin – like a warrior in a video game that just drank a potion and got all his life and strength back, when he was almost ready to fall down dead a second before. Selena is right, love is a fucking medicine – a lifesaving shock to the heart. I'm just thankful that I finally had found a doctor in time and she was able to save me.

I really feel saved. It feels so good. I know I have a lot of work to do yet to free myself from Victoria, but I'm not even that scared about it, somehow. I'm already free.

"I love you, Mom.", I said with a huge smile.

With a little sob, she answered, "I love YOU, Justin, my little boy."

I snickered at that, seeing she was right on about me. In a lot of ways, I was often still a little boy. And proud of it.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?", I asked, "Tell Joseph to be around. Then, I may be out of town for about a week. So I'll call you a little past a week from Sunday."

I hated lying to her, but I didn't want to tell her about my upcoming week of servitude to Victoria and possibly risking my life. She'd have never let me do it, no matter how it would help my life in the long run. Katherine is stubborn, very like Selena.

"Alright, my love.", she said, sounding very different from the voice I first heard when she answered the phone. She sounded happy, relieved…alive again.

Grinning, I stroked Selena's cheek now, watching her lips curl up more at the corners.

"Talk to you soon, Mom.", I said, a bit louder than a whisper. I never wanted to say goodbye to her again, even at the end of a phone call.

"Alright, darlin'.", she replied, "Take care of you."

She said that all the time…I almost forgot.

A lump rose in my throat and I choked, "I will. You too. Talk to you tomorrow."

She sighed in contentment as she hung up. I closed my cell phone and Selena's eyes opened, like a curtain being pulled back, exposing little windows into Eden.

"Hi beautiful.", I smiled down at her, twirling a finger slowly around a nice, silky lock of her hair that now looked black against the pale blue pillow beneath it.

"Told you.", Selena said like a know it all child, "Mothers always love their sons. Always."

"You know everything.", I tickled her ribs a little with my other hand as she laughed and twitched in my clutches, and I added, "I don't like it."

"Yes you do.", she closed her eyes again, resting under me.

"Maybe I do.", I agreed without much of a fight.

I kissed her lips as if my touch might damage her if it was too harsh.

"If you don't want to go out tonight, we don't have to.", she said, misinterpreting my mood.

"Are you crazy?", I smiled, and she looked up at me in wonder, "I'm free of decades worth of pain…I have my mother back. I'm a week away from being free. I'm the major player in a police sting against Victoria…I have all kinds of things to celebrate! We're going! You just don't want to get all dressed up in girl clothes!"

She giggled and gave me the most passionate kiss. It nearly hurt my mouth but I was 110% kissing back.

"I want to celebrate, too.", she agreed, "I'll dress up."



"No, we can't do this!", Selena's eyes were alive with light and shock as I held out my hand to her.

"Come on, Selena.", I flashed her my most charming smile, taking her hand and twirling her, holding her against me as her back slammed into place before my chest, "Dance with me."

"We aren't invited to this!", she whispered a yell at me as I chuckled, moving my hips behind her beautiful ass as we danced to the music. Well, I danced. Selena was resisting me again, her usual stubborn self.

"The Pretender" by the Foo Fighters was playing. I love this song ! Come on, Selena, have fun…dance with me.

"We don't have to be.", I placed a quick kiss on her lips as I put my hands on her little waist and made her dance a little, even if it was against her will.

"Justin!", she widened her eyes at me.

God, she looked so beautiful. I don't know where the dress came from, but it was a cute little black, sexy dress. Simple and elegant, showing off her long, gorgeous legs…accenting the cleavage very nicely, too. Every man here had his eyes on my girl. Look at those black high heels…DAMN.

I went out and bought a nice suit earlier, a black jacket and pants, with a burgundy shirt and black leather tie. It was elegant…but cool at the same time. Selena looked very happy with me when I emerged from her bedroom in this. The more she looked at me lately, the more confidant I seemed to feel. I love that look in her eyes when she sees me now.

I was looking at Selena's stockings now…there was a thin, black line traveling down the center and back of each leg, disappearing down into the back of her shoe. I didn't know why, but it was driving me crazy. That is super hot.

"This is a wedding, loosen up and have fun, Selena.", I whispered in her ear as I bit my bottom lip and danced, using my professional dance training now, hoping she'd be impressed by my moves as I traveled around her, and she stood there, stunned.

"We don't even know these people.", she gritted through her teeth.

"So what?", I smiled again like a boy, "There are 300 people here. Who's gonna know?"

Selena turned pink and looked around, as if the police were going to come breaking in at any moment and arrest us. I love Selena, but sometimes she can be a goody two shoes.

"I thought I taught you to be bad.", I teased, yelling over the music, "Aren't you a graduate of the Justin Bieber Institute for Bad Girls of America? Come ON! Dance!"

And then I added a swift slap to her ass and she screamed out, and in a few seconds, she was dancing with me. She was so adorable and shy, she told me she wasn't a great dancer, and she was embarrassed to dance to a fast song, so I took her by the hands and moved her with me, silently guiding her.

I wish I knew about this before. I could've taught her some dance moves. But I didn't care if she could dance or not. She was here with me, having fun. All is right with the world tonight.

I love wedding crashing. Especially at this place, the Merion, it's called. This place is very beautiful, lots of rooms, all elegant and luxurious. This room we were in now even had a cascading waterfall on one side of the wall. There was also a round skylight above the dance floor so if you looked up you could see the ebony blanket of sky and the diamond sparkles strewn across it.

Later, when we sat at a large, empty table, two tall glasses of champagne were brought over to us.

The room was dark and the guests were dancing. This was a nice, lively bunch of guests, not an assortment of old people glued to their chairs. The excitement and fun was so thick here, you could cut it with a knife. I was already having a great time.

And I was glad I brought Selena here for our fancy, dress up date.

"I want to make a toast.", I smiled, handing her a glass as I took mine.

She blushed deep red and looked down at the red table cloth, lifting her glass timidly, always hating to be the center of attention, even if it was just mine alone.

But there were things I needed to say.

"Selena GOmez…", I said with a quiet but clear voice, "I brought you to a wedding, because, it's the beginning of things, even though this is our thirteenth day together, and seems to be almost the end."

She looked down and I tipped her chin up to me, seeing her shining eyes of sadness staring back at me.

"This is not the end, Selena.", I said, making my eyes turn seriously on her now, "I want you. I want you forever. You brought me back to life. Even with all Victoria's sick lessons, it's you who've taught me where my place is. It's you I belong to. And thanks to you, I also belong to myself. I love you, Selena GOmez."

I clicked my glass to hers and smiled, taking a sip of the best champagne I ever had and peeked over at her, seeing her sipping hers, too.

"I love you, Justin.", she said, just at quietly as I had spoken.

"I know you're afraid.", I put my forehead to hers, closing my eyes, "Nothing I say will stop you from feeling that. If I were you, I'd never let me do this. But I need to do it. I need to stand up to her. I need to face her and tell her NO. Finally – No. Even if I didn't have other reasons to go back in there…I'd want to do this. I'll have to play the part for a few days before I can snoop around the club…but that's the price I'm willing to pay to end this once and for all. Please say you understand. You always understand me."

After a pause, she kissed me and said, "I understand."

"My light…", I breathed, seeing a lighthouse in my mind again. I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd be shown the way by her light. She was going to help thousands of people in her lifetime. I'm just the first. I am honored by that privilege.

I was kissing her, not even wanting air after that…and I almost forgot we were in a room filled with people when the food began to be served to us. We dined on filet mignon and lobster, along with about fifty different appetizers. I felt like I hadn't eaten for a year as I inhaled every thing they brought us. Selena just ate like a bird, looking at me and laughing to herself. I know, I eat like a pig. Sue me. I don't get nice, big meals like this very often.

We were soon joined by a really fun bunch of people at our table, then, as they ate and joked and laughed without a care in the world. They asked us, in a very friendly way, who we were related to, bride or groom. We said bride. She looked very beautiful in her modern white silk dress, her brown hair perfectly done up into a bun.

Right away, we were accepted and included into the conversation. We laughed and had lots of fun with our new friends. Selena even began to relax and giggle a little bit. I watched her intake of alcohol, she was being very good, having sodas instead of hard drinks now. The champagne was the only one she'd tried.

We had all the silly fun of a wedding reception. We did the chicken dance, we did the electric slide, the chain, we threw ourselves into the festivities and laughed like nerds through it all.

My jacket was on my chair most of the time that night and a couple times, other girls tried to get close to me and dance, but Selena was a watchdog. She eliminated any female who even looked me over from afar. But she kept her dignity and class.

I loved dancing in front of Selena. She watched me like I was the most attractive thing she'd ever laid eyes on as I moved around her. I have been ogled and grabbed, had hundreds of eyes on my cock before as I danced. But Selena's eyes made me feel special. I am special. I'm Katie's father…I'm Selena's man. I am special. And I believe it now.

When it came time for the bride to toss her bouquet, Selena sat that one out. I laughed and wondered why and she answered without me having to ask.

"My father would absolutely destroy us both if I said anything about marriage right now.", she smiled, then quickly added, "Not that I don't love you and would love to be married to you someday."

"But that's a long way off.", I finished her thought, not wanting to seem angry or upset.

She looked at me and I explained.

"There are lots of things we need to do before we reach that point, I know that.", I said, "You still have school and your career to start. I have a life to rebuild and a little girl I need to get to know all over again. Not to mention, I have to figure out what my life is going to be once I give up my illustrious career as exotic entertainer."

I laughed and she joined me, relieved I wasn't proposing to her just yet.

"We'll figure it all out, Selena.", I said, "Together. I'm not rushing you. I'm not going anywhere."

Wait. I'm not? Aren't I going to Florida after I get out of Victoria's? I can't just call Ben and say, "I want Katie, bring her to me please, thanks for taking care of her all these years, bye." I would have to live with Ben and Angela if I wanted to be part of Katie's life again. She loves them, like I love Katherine and Joseph. It's not right for me to rip her out of that home…that family. I have to join them, not take her away.

And Selena has school here. She wants her career to be here, in New York. Having never thought freedom was an option for me, I never considered all this until now. Shit. How is this going to work?

Selena's face looked a little sad to me, then, and I wondered if she were thinking the same thing as I was. Would Charlie be okay with this, was another question I was now asking myself. Our beginning isn't exactly what Dads dream of when thinking of their daughter's perfect mate. There are a lot more hurdles before us besides just Victoria.

We didn't talk for a little while, we sat and listened to the music. Selena went to the ladies' room and came back with a little grin on her face.

"What?", I asked her, wondering what she was smiling at now.

"Nothing.", she blushed, "Gosh, can't a girl even go to the bathroom?"

I squinted, suspicious already. Selena is no actress.

We spent some more time on the floor, dancing a couple slow songs, and a fast song, too. Selena liked slow better, not a huge fan of the fast dancing, unless it meant my hips were grinding against hers. She liked my version of dirty dancing.

The song we were dancing to now ended and we clapped, waiting for the next one.

The D.J. said, on his microphone, "This next one is a request – dedicated to Justin love Selena."

((*I'm not sure who's idea this was on ff, but you were right! This song is perfect! Thanks for your suggestion! Love ya!*))

She blushed deep purple as I squinted at her. She came to me and put her arms around my neck as I touched her waist, hearing the music begin to play.

The Pretenders began to play…I'll Stand By You.

"Awww…", she began, "Why you look so sad? The tears are in your eyes…Come on and come to me, now.

"Don't…be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through. Cause I've seen the dark side, too."

Tears already formed in my eyes now, hearing the words. In an instant, I was back at Dr. Selena's place, crying for the first time as she fought for the first time, to begin tapping her hammer on my walls…my prison.

I remembered laying my half naked body across her sofa, hoping she'd approve of my flesh, praying she wouldn't peek inside my head. I recalled Selena's stern, frustrated expression as I avoided her questions, giving her the story of Superman when she asked about my parents.

Selena held me tight to her and I heard her sniffle, too, remembering like I was.

"When the night falls on you…don't know what to do…nothing you confess…could make me love you less…I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you. Won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you."

Like a movie, I was seeing our every moment together, from the start. God, these lyrics fit us. They're almost perfect, as if written for us.

I almost laughed at how I was in the beginning…and what I was now. I saw myself, taking off my shirt, tucking it into my jeans like an apron, making her Omelet de Eduardo for the first time as her bottom lip hit the floor. I heard myself, in the past, that day, saying, "Breathe, Selena."

"So…if you're mad – GET MAD. Don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me, now. And hey, what you got to hide? I get angry, too. Bet I'm a lot like you."

Selena was singing along in my ear and I felt a tear fall out of my eyes, feeling so emotional suddenly, but now, not caring who sees, not hiding it or anything from Selena.

Now I was in my blindfold, being slapped by Selena as she played Victoria, shoving me to get in touch with my inner anger, and I heard myself from the past, again, screaming 'Take your fucking hands off me!' And I remembered how good it felt to let it all out, to spew my venom and my true feelings about my owner.

I recalled kicking in her bathroom door, rescuing her from the bathroom witch that sealed her inside that day. I smiled, seeing her fall flat on her breasts, on her bedroom floor, and crawling naked to the bathroom.

Then I was in my vampire cage, stuffing her notebook down my pants as her face flew into a panic, trying to reach her mortal hands into my deadly cell. I remember asking Selena to follow me to a private room, feeling the sweat on her palm as I led her to be awakened, or so I thought at the time.

"When you're standing at the crossroads, and don't know which path to choose…let me come along.", the song played on, "Cause even if you're wrong…I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you. Won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you. Take me into your darkest hour…and I'll never desert you. I'll stand by you."

Selena was singing to me…every word. I could see her in the grass, naked beneath me. I saw her laugh as we walked down the streets of New York together…I felt her skin and oil as if I were massaging her right now for the first time. I could see her in the shower, letting me wash her beautiful body. I saw her in the pouring rain in the alley behind Fire as she shouted that she loved me, her eyes full of fury. I felt her hands on my back, caring for my wounds after my night with Raven.

"You've been neglected, Selena…but I'm here now.", I heard myself saying to her that night in the shower.

I even saw her choking on coca cola at the best Chinese restaurant in New York.

"And when, when the night falls on you, baby. You're feeling all alone, wandering on your own, I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you. Won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you. Take me into your darkest hour. And I'll never desert you…I'll stand by you."

"I love you, Selena.", I laid my face into her neck as we rocked slowly in each other's arms, letting the song fade as we kept dancing…still hearing it in our own hearts.

"I love you, too, Justin.", she said, looking right into my eyes as guests all around us danced. But to me the whole world was just her and I. And it was perfect. We kissed each other like it was the first time.

"I figured it was better to dedicate that to you, rather than sing it to you.", she teased later.

"Yes, thank you for that.", I joked back, earning a slap to my back.

We danced for a couple more hours and ate even more. My eyes never left Selena. There are no other women in the room for me except her now. And for me, that is saying a lot. I used to work rooms like this without even breaking a sweat. Now I can't even recognize other ladies.

Later, I had managed to sneak away from Selena and slip the D.J. a few bucks to announce me. I was sitting at the beautiful grand piano in the corner, in the dark.

"Alright, we want everyone on the dance floor now.", the D.J. announced, "This is the last slow dance of the night. Couples…get up here. This will be nice. Justin, a friend of the bride's…will play us, You Raise Me Up."

I almost grumbled at him, I wanted it to be a surprise what I would play for Selena.

Come on, fingers, don't forget your stuff. Don't fuck up.

A light was shining on me and I kinda hated that. It would make it hard for me to see Selena in the darkness.

I played, and the room was very quiet. Couples moved to the floor, slowly moving together as I smiled, glad my hands were cooperating tonight.

"When I am down, and hold my soul so weary…

When troubles come and my heart burdens me…"

I sang and no one was making any faces of disgust, so I kept going, looking up in the direction Selena and I were sitting in, at least letting her see my face, if I couldn't see hers.

"Then I am still and wait here, in the silence…

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up…to more than I can be."

"Come to me, Selena.", I said then, into the microphone as women screamed their approval out there, as I played the notes and melodies after those lines.

In half a minute, Selena was sitting beside me on the bench, tears falling down her cheeks as I leaned in and kissed her wet face, not taking my hands off the keys, and we got a little applause as I went on with the song.

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up to more than I can be."

Now the chorus could be sung loudly, with lots of joy, instead of softly, like before.

I belted it out, striking the piano keys without mercy.

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up to more than I can be."

I looked at Selena and played, singing very softly again now,

"You raise me up…to more than I….can be."

She kissed me hard after my final piano notes were played, and we got a nice, loud round of applause. I couldn't be sure, but I think I may have even blushed a little.

Thanks for the lessons, Joseph…Dad.

"You are the best singer.", Selena was saying later as we strolled home. She was holding a red rose I stole for her from one of the centerpieces, swinging it beside her like a magic wand as we enjoyed the night air, the lateness of the hour depriving the streets of many New Yorkers. I had to admit, I loved walking out this late at night. It's almost like everything is asleep. The buildings, the traffic, the noise. It's so peaceful and quiet now. I love peace and quiet. I loathe noise.

I laughed at her compliment, shaking my head and saying, "Josh Groban was probably having a seizure while I was doing that number."

Selena giggled and looked at me as the wind danced around her hair.

"No he wasn't.", she smirked, "You're great. You made me cry, you were so good. You should think about a career in music. I'd buy your record. Or…download it on itunes."

"You're a bit biased, Selena.", I smiled, "But thank you. I haven't played in so long. I was sure I'd mess up and humiliate myself."

"It's not like a bunch of half-drunk wedding guests would be able to tell if you did.", Selena replied.

"Thanks again, Selena.", I feigned insult as she laughed out loud.

"I didn't mean it that way.", she assured, "Really. You were great. You're always great."

I smiled and put my hands into my jacket pockets, taking my time as we walked home.

"So, tomorrow is Sunday." I began, not even wanting to think about tomorrow night, "And you get to pick what we do tomorrow. Anything you want."

"Hmmm…" she tried to make herself sound light about it, "I don't know. I'll have to think about that. It's our two week anniversary. It's very special."

"Every day with you is special.", I corrected, meaning every word, taking her hand in mine, almost home.

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