FemaleCanadaMember since 25 Feb 14Age 28Last online 4 years ago

  • Yoyokins

    mumbled "When leaving is the only answer, no matter the pain"

    4 years agoReply
    She looked at me, her innocent doe eyes filled with longing. My hand twitched at my side, how I wanted to brush aside the lock of hair that had fallen across her face. Forcing my hand to still, I stared at her in silence. Our locked gaze conveyed everything we could not, would not utter out loud. We were over. I was aware of every breath I took, each inhale and exhale, they were heavy and weighted. I knew that she still loved me and I wanted to tell her it was ok, everything could go back to how it was. But it would be a lie, we were dying inside, that love slowly eating away at us. I would never tell her it was okay anymore. Finally I closed my eyes breaking contact. We both knew it was better to be apart, the smart choice, but how the pain felt in my heart as it constricted. How could we throw away all that time, the effort, and the plans we had together?
    I felt the air fill my lungs as I breathed in. Slow and steady I exhaled shakily and opened my eyes. Unshed tears had filled her eyes and I almost went to her. I knew she was warring with herself, almost as much as me. She clenched and unclenched her fingers, as if trying to decide whether to reach for me or not. Her eyes were downcast when she moved her hand towards her face. She made a quick irritated motion as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. I looked away, I could never stand it when she cried.
    She composed herself and the silence grew, interrupted only by the sound of our labored breathing as we fought to avoid breaking down in front of each other. Life is filled with difficult decisions. I gathered my strength and cradled her head with my hands, putting my forehead down upon hers before kissing her temple. The kiss was sweet, full of innocence and remorse as well as a small plea for forgiveness. Slowly I let go, and turned away. I could not bear to look at her and would only remember my last moment with her as I held her head in my hands and kissed her for the very last time.
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