FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 26 Jan 12Age 21Last online 1 weeks ago

I am a graduate student from Cardiff University who loves a good fantasy story with a flair for world-building (Game of Thrones you say??).
I also used to be an Editorial Ambassador on this site so I am always willing to give constructive criticism.

  • Jodie Angell
    1 months agoReply
    Good story so far with great character development, however some typos and paragraphing issues.
    I used to be an editorial ambassador on this site a while back so please contact me if you require any constructive criticism. 😊
    Heart of Pandora
    Heart of Pandora
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    369
    8
    A young girl on the run? A mysterious organization. A box with unknown origin. What do these things have in common? How far will one go to obtain it? Open your mind to discover a new world. Read and find...
  • Jodie Angell
    1 months agoReply
    Good description and character building but several typos and paragraph structure needs a little work.

    I used to be an editorial ambassador on this page a couple of years ago so let me know if you need any constructive criticism 😊
    Death is Not The End
    Death is Not The...
    0
    473
    3
    The death Maxwell Remus is one that many will never forget. He might have been a small and not well-known person but his life is not important. After his life and after his death is what is most important...
    Ghost of a Rose
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    thank you.
  • Jodie Angell
    1 months agoReply
    1 Like
    A good story with a lot of potential! Good character building and description! Only things to work on are your paragraphing - new line for every piece of dialogue and every change of topic :)

    I used to be an editorial ambassador for this website a few years ago so please feel free to contact me if you require detailed constructive criticism.
    The Untold Story
    The Untold Story
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    789
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    Latzna is turning into a dangerous assassin, she will overcome different difficuties, with help of other people, and sometimes by herself. She will leaver her homeland with her master to be thrown into...
    Latzna
    2 weeks ago
    1 Like
    Thank you :) it's the first time for me "publishing" a story, I wasn't sure it would be pleasing people, I'm glad to get feedback !

  • Jodie Angell
    So, I don't know if you remember me, but you commented on my movella Before I Die about a year ago asking whether or not you should tell a certain Dylan that you like him. The question is - did you? :)
  • Jodie Angell
    'Clouds of sunset pink and pale blue, breaking apart to show the sun's rays and the azure skies had formed in the atmosphere' - this sentence doesn't make sense due to the tense confusion. I think it would work better as 'Clouds of sunset pink and pale blue broke apart to show the sun's rays and the azure skies'.
    'Rushed past and through them' - make it clear here that she is flying through the clouds.
    'For their offspring - change 'off' to 'to'.
    'More than five hundreds years ago' - why?
    I love your imagery of the sun falling beneath the world.
    Your metaphor of the surfer as a bit flimsy and doesn't fit the elegant image you are trying to create.
    'Woven together trees' - I can understand what you're saying here but the noun phrase isn't as strong as it could be - try 'clustered trees' or something similar.
    'The portal open. Its energy was captivating' - I like this, but to get rid of the dreaded 'was' trying reforming the sentence to 'The portal opened - its energy captivating'.
    'I can carry him, Captain. Thank you very much' - I think you should get rid of 'thank you very much' as this makes her seem common and less regal. She is a royal after all.
    'This sight is not in anyway good' - for this case it should be 'any way' rather than 'anyway' as they both have different meanings.
    'He will not last much longer' seems a bit dramatic for someone who is only suffering from fatigue, especially when he manages to walk by himself near the end of the chapter and looked 'barely harmed'.
    'Being use to japes was one thing, but when someone were to die because o the fear of one person - that was plane foolishness in Alva's eyes' - I think you might need to play around with the structure of this sentence a bit. Also, change 'use' to 'used'.
    'Of course; my lady,' change this to 'yes, my lady', or something similar, as you have already written 'of course' in the dialogue a couple of line above.
    I like that you end with a question - keeps the readers hooked and more inclined to read the next chapter. Hope this helps :)

    Firefly
    Firefly
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    Above the realms of men, dance the Light Elves of Alfheim. Wise, immortal and captivating... These creatures are blessed by the Aesir and have harnessed the power of flight. But when war strikes down upon...
    Jodie Angell
    2 years ago
    That's okay! Be sure to read my new movella since returning :)
    Crooked YoungThis story is what is called an exposé - something loosely based on all the drama in my life. The characters of this story take the names of the real peopl...
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