MaleUnited KingdomMember since 6 Sep 12Age 25Last online 3 years ago

'You have to do stuff that average people don't understand because those are the only good things.' - Andy Worhol

Lets keep this simple, short and well structured. :)
I'm an Undergraduate studying Philosophy.

While Philosophy is my main interest, I also love psychology, comedy, horror and acting. I do practically one of the the best jobs in the world doing interactive theatre as a pirate.

My symbol is an anglerfish. It holds the concept of having a light when all else is in the dark. They are solitary, and godly survivors.

As a philosopher, I seem to see things differently to most, which naturally draws me to writing. Hope you enjoy.

'The limits of my language means the limits of my world.' - Ludwig Wittgenstien

Everything else is on my blog: http://bringerofsweets.blogspot.com/

  • TotalSweet
    5 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Interesting start, definitely captured my interest, especially towards the end. I think it seems a little fast paced through the middle, more explanation could be made for character development, etc. And of course there seems to be a bit of odd wording and strange sentences that could be easily fixed with a proof-reading. Good so far though, the only problem I have is the use of 'mortal' makes it seem a little too cliché.
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    Mark11
    5 years ago
    Yeah "mortal" is kind of placeholder right now, it will mostly be replaced by "human" or a word that means "human" in the Shade's tongue, but that I haven't come up with yet :P Perhaps you could tell me via movellas or facebook what parts precisely you think I could stretch a bit. Most of the start I will rewrite at some point to make it less 'summary-like'. I'm using a vastly different writing technique than normal in order to keep motivation and momentum, but it does mean that the works come out a little more rough around the edges.
  • TotalSweet
    5 years agoReply
    I very much understand where you're coming from. You're clearly a very intelligent girl. I know what you mean about 'society' but at the end of the day, you need to remember that 'society' doesn't exist. Society is what you read in entertainment magazines or on the TV, but individuals are what makes up the world and, well... most individuals (or at least mildly intelligent ones) aren't so quick to stereotype an entire people. Perhaps your experiences have been unlucky - and your rant is good - but you do sound a little ahead of your self.

    You can write well, but you will always improve and learn and there's plenty that will change. It's good to be confident in your work, but try not to sound over-confident. I'm only saying this because it's only now I'm older that I realise how much changes with age.

    Also, the bit about how much you write really isn't very much. Considering your story sounds like you've written it all out without editing. Writing is only a small part of 'the biz' - being a writer, the editing is actually far more important than the writing istelf. Content comes from your mind but making it coherent to the reader is something else. Do lots of research and keep up the great writing :) While you may not like what I've said here... I am only trying to help. So I wish you luck in your future years as a writer. Focus on being the best you can be - You'll never stop improving.
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    Nova XWN
    5 years ago
    Well, some of the people around me struggle for reading for 10 minutes, so thought writing for 5 hours on 2 days was good. Thanks for completely ripping that point apart. And personally, I have a love-hate thing with what you're saying. And though you may be complimenting me, some of the points you have made are actually quite rude. I'm not overconfident and not to be rude, butit seems like you know what you're talking about just because you're older. Maybe I read that wrong, but that's what it looks like.
    Nova XWN
    5 years ago
    Also, I like my stories unedited. If they're edited, I won't have time to write new chapters. Considering the fact that I have readers who can get a little impatient, I like to write quicker, but I always do a runthrough for my chapters. It may not be a full analysis, but I end up catching at least 3 mistakes. Editing should be done at the end, at least that's my opinion. Some of the tips you're giving me are also common knowledge.
    TotalSweet
    5 years ago
    This is fair enough. And in a way I am saying these things because I'm older - but only due to that you're going through the same stuff as me when I was younger. There will be a lot of changes to your work over time, this is just a fact that I hope you might realise. While a lot of what I say is common knowledge, it's also very overlooked stuff, that is important as well, there's a reason some bits of advice are seen more than others.

    And well, the issue with writers websites is that you'll get 100 people who'll mindless praise your work but harsh constructive criticism like this is much more like the real world and the real business. It's the parts that push you to improve with are more useful than being blinded by people not willing to help out of fear of sounding rude... Editors and publishers are very harsh people. And yes, the editing does need to happen after the story is complete, but that also includes drafts and re-writes, meaning a piece kinda shouldn't be seen by anyone til you're completely happy with it. While people online may not be as comfortable reading for long periods of time - doesn't stop the fact that you need to edit harshly with your own work to make it the best it can be. It should be common knowledge also that editing is significantly more important than being able to pop out a first draft. There's a lot to be said for finding your style. You can't really dive in feet first is all I'm saying. Experiment a little... enjoy the writing process, and don't worry about 'making it professional' until you're 100% about your work. Writing is far more for yourself than your readers.
  • TotalSweet
    5 years agoReply
    Now I do run the risk of sounding fairly harsh at this point - however, I'm just being honest and trying to help. What I liked about this was how the ending wrapped things up and made it makes more sense. The main character development happened a little suddenly but it was clearly there. She was very easy to get the feel of and empathise with too - which is great.

    My issues with it are the other characters and the understanding of the piece. Given, I don't read much of this kind of story - romance isn't my genre, so to speak. But personally it felt a little distant from the world. I mean there are lots of little sentences and things that could be improved with editing or an editor - but mainly some of the characters' dialogue was very two dimensional. For example when she goes to the club and the birthday girl explains about Kyle - nobody really speaks like that in real life. You need to edit to make it more real. Hope you know what I mean.

    Also, there are concepts in it that could be fairly easily changed to generally make the story more down to earth and realistic. Perhaps that wasn't what you're going for, but it's just my advice to focus on your editing a little more. Writing is far more about the editing process than it is the writing - so keep it in mind. So for sake of writing an essay under your story. It was a good story with a lot of potential and I hope this helps at all. Thanks for sharing :)
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    ECSB
    5 years ago
    I am always looking for ways to improve, and I have taken your comments on board. I might change some little bits so it makes a little more sense like you suggested- and yeah I get it about the conversation ;). Thank you so much for the effort of writing that whole 'essay'! x
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