FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 22 Feb 14Last online 2 years ago

Nice to see you, I like books, chocolate and tea! I don't know why I'm telling you this... Will you travel the world to give me books and tea?

  • Tilly chase
    2 years agoReply
    First of all, I LOVE your cover!!
    So, anyway. This story is FULL of suspense, and unanswered questions! The whole thing is a mystery, with occasional hints of humour. The atmosphere is really tense, and you maintain it really well.
    The beginning of the story is quite clever - The flashback already making you question what's going on.
    You describe the people very well, and show their personalities by the things they say and do, instead of stating; Lira is stubborn and confused, etc etc.
    You use lots of different adjectives to describe the landscapes, but still manage to keep it interesting.
    Your chapter endings are good, and they vary; sometimes funny, sometimes confusing and occasional cliffhangers.
    Overall, you have a really nice writing style, which works with the style your writing - the short sentences and longer ones work really well - Tense, half sentences and then longer ones for realisations or what's actually happened.
    There are only a few improvements:
    Though the unanswered questions and mysteries are really effective, there are a LOT of them, and so far in the story there have been no answers. I don't know, you may have lots coming up in the next chapter, but if you keep on making new ones with no old answers, you run the risk of letting people forget the important things, which could make it REALLY confusing to read.
    Also, it seems as if you had the original plot of her being in the insanity ward because she was a danger to society, and then threw her into the future. To make this seem a little less of a jump, you could add some dates into it - like saying 'I went into it at 2014' and then something like '2014? This is ????' - to make the jump a little less strange (Unless that was your intention).
    Overall this is a REALLY good book, and it's something that would be really good as a movie!!
    We are the insanity. I am insane. Stuck in a place where society holds reign, I swear on my mental health I will not change.
  • Tilly chase
    2 years agoReply
    Hello!!! Book review (I'm sorry it's.. Been a loooooong time, but I've been really busy)! Anyway..

    I LOVE this book. There are lots of mysteries, agencies shrouded in secrecy and bad guys taking jewellery! (Not in that order)
    First of all, your first paragraph set the scene of where you were - making you wonder why a person with diamonds, pearls and Pravda shoes was in such a dire neighbourhood - the rest of the chapter follows on with that.
    You show the personalities of the people really well - that the nameless thieving bad guy in the first chapter (Is he Mr. Brown?) is rich, powerful and used to getting her way. So is the woman - Mrs Copland - though she is scared and angry of the other man. Likewise, how Ana is slightly manipulating and self preserving, Felix is a desperate and scared, etc. in the same way, you show the relationships between the characters.
    You create back stories for each character, and then keep it quiet, so you can tell people when the plot needs you to, instead of saying it all in one massive paragraph which everyone ignores, and then loosing the suspense.
    You end each chapter in good sentences - Keeping people second guessing, and making you look back to read things you hadn't noticed before.
    There are lots more good things I could say, but there's a limit on how much I could write, so...
    There really isn't much I can say to improve, only that you might want to describe the looks of some of your characters a tad more, but PLEASE don't just say
    'I have brown hair blah blah blah I am 157 and I like blah blah blah and I have 27 sisters and 32 pet pigs, blah blah blah'
    Only other thing is that in the description it says the main character is called Amber, and the actual character is called Becky. Not sure if this is on purpose, and Becky will die in the next chapter, but...
    Anyway, thank up you for letting me read your book!!!

    What They Know
    What They Know
    Imagine what someone could do, of they could read your mind. They wouldn't need to hack computers, to infiltrate organisations to get information. They'd just have to walk past someone important in the...
  • Tilly chase
    2 years agoReply
    This is really good!!! I love it!!! Will you continue, or is it a oneshot? It would be really nice if u continued!!! :)
    The Saelene Princess
    The Saelene Prince...
    ENTRY FOR THE "HIDDEN POWERS" COMP. Dusty blue. The wings for the ice saelenes. Deep red. The wings for the fire saelenes. Forest green. The wings for the nature saelenes. Pale white. The wings for...
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