FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 1 Mar 13Age 20Last online 1 years ago

Sophie |18 | Wales

I like reading and writing (wouldn't be here if I didn't), music, going to Explorers and procrastinating on Tumblr.


I'm also on Wattpad and Figment with the same username :)

  • TheLittleBookWorm
    Really good story! I've read it all the way through and the storyline is really intriguing, and Tris's POV especially is really gripping.
    Just a quick grammar point: in the first sentence, I think you change tense briefly, so maybe try "and searing pain fills my every sense" :) if you go through each paragraph separately (which is a bit time consuming but worth doing) then you'll probably spot a couple of places where there's nothing wrong with the sentence but it doesn't flow,e.g. the line "I hear screams and sobs from my true sweetheart, knowing I had died in the place of my true love was sweet and serene." which might flow better if you say "[...], but knowing I had died in their place was sweet and serene".
    Obviously you don't need to change this, it's down to you and your style of writing :)
    Good luck with the competition!
    Four
    Four
    120
    12.1k
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    Love. Pain. Loss. Four and Tris, two remarkable people, who believe love will succeed. Due to untwisted twists, they find themselves separated, having to battle their demons. Will they overcome their demons,...
    Sabitha.K
    2 years ago
    Thank you so much, I have taken your feedback and made a few improvements. Thank you for taking the time to write some feedback which will make my story even better. You don't have to like and fav if you don't want to, because it is your choice I would like it, but at the end it is your choice. But, still I am honored to receive feedback from an amazing writer like you is a pleasure.
  • TheLittleBookWorm
    I really like this piece - you've captured a moment here and to paint a picture like this in so few words is amazing. Good luck with the competition!
    Replay [50W]
    Replay [50W]
    12
    818
    7
    Flash Fiction - 50 words
  • TheLittleBookWorm

    mumbled "Oops!"

    Hi everyone! I seem to come on here every couple of months to say I'm back then disappear again, so I won't promise I'll be back properly :')

    Just to let you know, I have a new story up called "Freeze" - I was planning to enter it in the Heir Of Fire competition but I got the timing muddled by the looks of things so I can't! In any case, if you want to take a look then here it is:
    FreezeEntry for Heir of Fire competition.

    If it seems rushed towards the end then that's because it really was! Hope you enjoy it, and hope I actually stick around for more than a week this time!
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