FemaleJapanMember since 28 Jan 13Age 20Last online 10 months ago

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." - R. Frost

  • bramblerose
    2 years agoReply
    1 Like
    This is a beautifully crafted story, and such a high standard of writing! Probably the best on movellas I have had the pleasure of reading. As a twin myself, I totally empathise with Ben - their situation is the 'worst-case-scenario' I've thought of many times. I love the use of text messages and thoughts congealed like OHMYGODWHATAHAPPENING because it feels very real. And a vocab that teenagers really use.

    I like the introduction of Whisper and he is certainly a very unique character!

    In general, great imagery. It reads like a rich published book. Well done!
    Whisper
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    //He had a smile on his face like the climax of a novel, and his kisses were the chorus to a treasured favourite song.\\ Benedict has lived six months in a ragged half existence, torn apart after his...
    Mirlotta
    2 years ago
    Thank you so much for the lovely feedback! <3
  • bramblerose

    Honest feedback wanted, will reciprocate!

    2 years agoReply
    This is a new movella for me and in order to make sure it has the best foundation to get the plot going, feedback is so crucial! I'll happily return the favour. Thank you!
    Out of the WoodsThe Mother Pines are the core of Rumi Ellis' town. A tourist attraction and a place of great solace, at the heart of the pines lies the Paper Crane Tree,...
    bramblerose
    2 years ago
    Sure! Will write a comment soon :)
    bramblerose
    2 years ago
    @[Mirlotta] I would be happy to!:)
    Mirlotta
    2 years ago
    Great, I'll comment on yours asap, then. (Possibly after school today? :))
  • bramblerose

    mumbled "When it comes to detailed feedback what goes around comes around...."

    2 years agoReply
    Out of the WoodsThe Mother Pines are the core of Rumi Ellis' town. A tourist attraction and a place of great solace, at the heart of the pines lies the Paper Crane Tree,...
  • bramblerose
    2 years agoReply
    Hi! So I really enjoyed reading your starter. From the cover and blurb I had no idea what the plot might be and I was surprised to say the least! Good to keep the reader guessing though.

    There's a good pace to the story and Ams as a character is quickly established. Her name is very unique! I might suggest having something like an asterisk to mark the times where the settings change? It's pretty clear but just to make it very obvious.

    There's a tiny grammar slip with 'I' in the last paragraph, but nothing major!

    Overall, it's a very promising first chapter to your story and you definitely leave us on a cliff hanger! Well done :) x
    Touched
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    My name is Ams (pronounced Ames) which is short for Amsterdam. They, my parents, decided to call me that because that's where they 'fell in love'. Well, that didn't last long; they got a divorce when I...
    Lavern L.C.
    2 years ago
    Thank you for the review! When I get on my computer, I do plan to make a scene breaker thing. I originally wrote it as three chapters, so that's why it reads a little weird.
    Thanks again,
    Lav
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