FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 9 Jun 12Age 20Last online 7 months ago

m y life fell apart for a bit but im here now to try n do something w my existential crisis?

  • tashajjayne

    mumbled "what?"

    1 years agoReply
    so i've been gone for like two years n i rly do not know if i should just delete this profile n start again or if i should carry on?? pls help meee
    Lavern L.C.
    1 years ago
    Welcome back! I would carry on with the account you currently have, but do as you wish (:
    FallBaby
    1 years ago
    I did that and lost about 109 followers. And that sucked! Don't restart on a new profile. Keep the one you have.
  • tashajjayne

    mumbled "Liar, Liar Update"

    3 years agoReply
    Yo there peeps. For some reason Liar, Liar seem to be a favourite among the users here on this site - something that basically proved my hypothesis that 'teen fiction' and 'humour' writing get's more views and stuff than other genres even if it's not as well written (I personally think the way LL is written is awful and it's basically my surpass writers block novel).

    Now, those of you who are a fan of this novel will not that I've not updated in in a really freaking long time. There is a reason for this.

    I don't like it.

    It's not that I don't like the plot or anything, I'm good with plot and characters, I just think the way it's been executed so far is soooooo awful and the long term plot has changed since I started writing it. It's become something far more complicated than my original plan which was basically just messing around writing something funny.

    So, friends, I'm afraid it's time to say this; I'm re-writing everything I've done so far. And that happens to be more than I've posted. I am super sorry to the people who just want more, but I need some time to gather all the plot pieces together and work out exactly where it needs to go in order for me to write successfully.

    I hope you guys all understand, and in the meantime, the stuff I've written so far WILL stay up - a privilege my Wattpad friends didn't get - I deleted that sucker.

    Love you all and if you wanna read more of my stuff check out The Key of Chaos, cause I'm super pumped about it. *blows kisses*
  • tashajjayne
    3 years agoReply
    I am legitimately in love with your concept. It reminds me a little of the original concept I had for my novel Key of Chaos, only I had matching tattoos instead of keys and locks, but I didn't want it to be all about love so I changed it a lot. Anyway, your idea is way better than what mine was going to be.

    First of all, your prologue? Love. Prologues are one of my favourite things; both to write and to read and yours was just gorgeous. I got so excited when I read it, because the variation is sentences was brilliant (many people forget to do it so it's so nice finding a novel that does) and there was the perfect balance of detail and information. We weren't overloaded with the whole backstory of everything. I just loved it. Words do not do sufficient justice.

    However, I find that the level of sophistication drops a little in your main chapters, and they just don't read as well. I struggle with this to be honest and its a pain in the ass for me cause I want everything to be perfect. Back to the topic of you; just add more detail! I feel like you're rushing over these opening chapters, wanting to get to the good bits, and we just don't get enough from them. For example instead of telling us how fifteen minutes later they were home, describe the walk. Write about their friendship and develop their characters. Even if Mila doesn't play a huge part later on, she could be a vital aid in helping show us what April is like pre-drama (I'm assuming there's drama coming otherwise there's no point of writing a story). People have a tendency say 'its a filler chapter'. Just remember that no chapters are fillers. All of them play an important role, even if there's nothing huge happening.

    I'm super excited to read the next bits of this! And don't take everything I say too seriously - I'm only seventeen and it's just my opinion. These things are subjective.

    Keep writing!

    P.S. I'd be super grateful if you could check out any of my stuff, but you don't have to!
    Key to my Heart
    Key to my Heart
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    What if one tiny key and one hidden lock meant everything? That if every person on the planet was assigned one, depending on their gender, and was left to find their destiny. What if just the twist of...
  • tashajjayne
    3 years agoReply
    Oh. My. Lord. Finally! A writer who understands the importance of sentences! On every critique I write on peoples things, and I try to kinda surprise people with them (so, SURPRISE), and I seem to be constantly saying "vary your sentence structure", "you're using the wrong kind of sentence for the atmosphere you're trying to create", "try switching up your sentence openers to make it less monotonous", but I don't have to do it this time, and I am so happy! You're writing reads so well, moving from one thing to the other with a languid ease that is so difficult to find in people on this website.

    I want to praise your concept and idea but from the blurb I can tell you like to keep things a little secretive, but I love the mystery that holds me in suspense! Way too many writers give anything away in their blurb (I've seen pretty much the whole story line a few times) so I love that you keep everything under wraps. Have you read a book called The House on Falling Star Hill by Micheal Molloy? If not I highly recommend it! Anyway the reason he bought it up is because the start of the novel is similar to the information you've given so far in that a young boy meet a mysterious girl, only in that book he gets whisked away into another world. (I realise it's a 'childrens' book, but I'm seventeen and studying things like Jane Eyre and STILL love it!

    Anyway, despite all my enthusiasm towards you and your writing I have to kinda pull back and pull on my critic's hat. The first -and only - thing I noticed in terms of grammar is in the bit where it says "because home's the other way". Whilst it's okay to write 'home was' in this way, it's most commonly seen as a use for 'home is', something my mind immediately jumped to. You do read it as present as opposed to past, something that kinda pulls you out of the story.

    The actual structure itself also seems a bit erratic, jumping around from one to another - at least to me. In novels, it's usually best when there is not a running commentary from the narrator alongside the actual events within the story. Perhaps write all the background info (and the bit about path choosing because, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little in love with it) in a prologue and then start on the events from when he started walking through the wood/left the library. I'd also add in a bit more detail, what he heard, smelt maybe?, and how he felt. People often forget that when you write in first person it has to be, well, personal.

    One last little 'omg' moment; I FREAKING LOVE YOUR NARRATOR. Conrad, right? God damn, he is so cool. I don't know if you meant for him to have this element of sarcasm that leaks through his narration, but lord do I love it.

    I am so pumped for the next chapter! Keep writing.

    P.S. if you have time could you check out any of my stuff. It's cool if you don't want to but I'd appreciate and input/feedback you have!

    P.P.S Don't take anything I say too seriously. I'm only seventeen and all I'm doing is giving you what I think you could work on! Opinions are subjective, so I'm not at all bothered if you read this, think I'm dumb and go on doing what you're doing. I don't know where you're planning on going so my advice may not be right for your direction. Anywho, feel free to contact me on here if you need any advice!
    The One Less Traveled By
    The One Less Trave...
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    Conrad's just a regular boy, but when he travels down a forgotten path in his local woods, he meets a girl that's not too regular.
    Sparrow3183
    3 years ago
    It's fine! Thank you for taking the time to go through it carefully. I'll go back and change that "home's" thing; I can see the problem now. Do you think that the jumping around is that confusing? I just want to know from someone else's point of view.
    Sparrow3183
    3 years ago
    Actually, looking back now, the "home's" is while Conrad's thinking (in case that wasn't clear), so it'd be in the present tense. I think it actually sounds better in context. And, no, I haven't read that book, but I'll make sure to check it out! :)
    tashajjayne
    3 years ago
    Ahh, yeah I guess you're right! Getting up early does weird things to my common sense. And I don't think the jumping around is confusing, per say. I just feel it breaks up the narration a little so it's just a bit harder to properly immerse yourself into the story. At least, for me it is, but it may be different for others.
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