FemaleUnited StatesMember since 18 Jul 14Last online 2 years ago

My blog: http://joabsrope.blogspot.com/

  • Songmorning
    4 years agoReply
    This part could definately be made longer by taking more time to go through each scene. You should also give it more buildup. I felt like I was being rushed through it. In thinking of how you can expand the scene, try to imagine in great detail everything Cordelia is feeling, both emotionally and physically. What smells are in the air? Is it bright or dark? Day or night? Can she see the stars, or are they covered, or is the sun beating down, etc? Is the air cold or hot? Dry or humid? Those are just some of the questions you can consider. Your idea for this story is great, and it has the potential to be deeply moving, and also horrifying, but if I as a reader feel rushed, like I'm stumbling through the events, it won't have as strong an effect.
    Past the point of no return
    Past the point of...
    Have you ever struggled so hard in your life for someone? Have you ever tried to get them back but, to no avail? Have you ever had to hide your scars from the world? In order to...
    Iris just Iris
    4 years ago
    1 Like
    Thank you for the cc! I take it down and expand it more.
  • Songmorning
    4 years agoReply
    I love Hetalia!!! Russia is my favorite character, though (probably because my favorite country in real life is Russia). I have a little desktop chibi of Russia. ^_^

    Your story "Past the point of no return" has caught my interest. I'll start reading it tomorrow.
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