FemaleUnited StatesMember since 29 Jan 14Last online 3 years ago

Hi.

  • Don't Panic
    3 years agoReply
    Hmmm.... I believe you need some punctuation here. In the title as well. "Brother's Best Friend" would be ideal. But full stops (periods) would help, as would quotations. And instead of writing the dialogue as if it were a script for a play, perhaps you could try, "Leanne, Harry's here," my mother called. Or something to that effect.
    Brothers bestfriend
    Brothers bestfrien...
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    Leanne styles is harry styles sister well she's never met the boys but when her mother says she need to get away what will happen when she gets stuck on a bus with 5 guys ? Read to find out
  • Don't Panic
    3 years agoReply
    May I point out that your title should be "You're at Hogwarts"? It doesn't give a fabulous first impression otherwise...
    You're at Hogwarts
    You're at Hogwarts
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    This is your time to be at Hogwarts! Be in this story!!!
    watchflame
    3 years ago
    Thanks! All fixed!
  • Don't Panic
    3 years agoReply
    Hello, just a random question... I haven't actually read your story yet (I plan to get on it soon) but is the spelling of "thyme" in the title meaningful in some way? Is there something behind the fact that it is spelled like the herb? Just curious!
    A Dance Through Thyme [Harry Potter]
    A Dance Through...
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    There are no strangers here; only friends you haven't met. An unknown man sends Hermione back to the Marauder's Era as revenge, however, the consequences are far more disastrous than what even he imagines...
    Fluteplayer56
    3 years ago
    It is deliberately spelled that way. Keep reading to find out ;)
  • Don't Panic
    3 years agoReply
    Just a small spot of constructive criticism, if you don't mind.... Your blurb "All in the title" isn't quite enough because I assumed that this was life with George and Fred before Fred died. Being that Fred died in the books, I'm guessing that's a logical assumption that you may want to clarify, especially being that you have several OCs. Secondly, I think you mean that she passed in and out of awareness, not consciousness. If she lost consciousness, she would be slumped over on the floor. Anyways, hope you don't mind my CC! Not a bad start.
    Life With Fred
    Life With Fred
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    All in the title
    AntiAndres
    3 years ago
    It's fine, but I meant consciousness as of her memory of what what going on, she dazed in and out but her knees were locked, preventing her from falling. Shoot I forgot to put that. What does OC mean? Sorry I haven't been one for slang..
    Don't Panic
    3 years ago
    Original character
    AntiAndres
    3 years ago
    Thanks
  • Don't Panic
    3 years agoReply
    I daresay I should point out the following spelling errors for your own betterment: Weasley, McGonagall, Ginevra, Malfoy, apparated, replied. Also the tense change is rather an issue as is the lack of capitalization (especially in the title) and lack of punctuation ( lack of CORRECT punctuation).
    not just another love story
    not just another...
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    What happens when I kidnap many harry potter characters and exploit their relationships
    jamie weasley neé malfoy
    I dislike puctuation
    Don't Panic
    3 years ago
    Nevertheless, this is a writing site and therefore certain standards are expected regardless of the fact that many users fall short. Punctuation is essential for the flow and understanding of a story and it makes you sound much more intelligent and less like an 11 year old who decided to post on this site on a whim.
    jamie weasley neé malfoy
    ok ok fine ill go over it
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